As I Will Be
by SquirlK
Summary: Sequel to 'The Trouble With Magic Is..' If you have not read that one, you won't understand this one. Totally AU set immediately after 'As You Were'. Now complete!
1. As I Will Be

As I Will Be

Disclaimer: These people don't belong to me, nothing does, well, maybe the words but I'll have to check. Still trying to find some pocket lint. (Y'all knew I'd put that in there somewhere.)

Summary: WARNING! If you have NOT read 'The Trouble With Magic Is' GO READ IT FIRST. If you don't you won't understand a lot of this story. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Begins immediately after 'As You Were'. Goes totally AU from there and doesn't go back until after 'Grave'.

Reviews: Yes, PLEASE. It's an addiction, a sickness, seriously craving the warm fuzzies brought on by all the wonderful reviewers. All reviewers ROCK!

A/N: Okay, y'all asked for it, you got it. Thanks for ALL the wonderful encouragement. You guys are so great. Kargrif, you're so right, I get caught up in the reading or have to leave the Internet and swear I'll review later and sometimes don't so I have no room to whine. I just think all you readers are terrific, reviewing or not.

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Spike gazed around the ruins of his home in disbelief. Not only had Buffy blown up the place but then she'd come back and blown up his heart. He placed a hand on his aching chest knowing that there should be a gaping hole where his heart used to be. He looked at the debris on the floor, half expecting to see shattered pieces of himself lying around his feet. A single tear tracked its way down his lean face. He quickly searched his pockets. Finding what he was looking for, he checked to make sure he had enough change. Scrubbing a hand across his face, he left the remnants of his unlife to find a phone.

At the payphone he normally used, he quickly dialed the number written on the scrap of paper. Telling the operator to place it as a collect call, he waited for the connection to go through. He sagged against the wall of the booth in relief when it was picked up.  
  
"Hello?" A familiar British voice answered. The charges were accepted, albeit with puzzlement. "Spike? Is everything all right?"

"Rupert. Is that coven still willing to take me in?" Spike's voice reflected his heartache and despair. He laid his forearm across the top of the phone and rested his head on it.

There was silence on the line for a moment. Then, "Spike, what's wrong? You said that you weren't willing to leave Dawn." Giles asked with concern.

"I...um... I have to leave. I can't be here anymore. I... I can't take it. She's broken me. Please say I can come there." Spike pleaded, knowing he sounded pathetic but unable to do anything about it. He just couldn't care anymore.

Giles drew in a deep breath. He hadn't heard so much pain in the vampire's voice in a very long time. "Of course. I'll arrange it with the coven. They'll be expecting you. Do you need tickets?"

A bitter laugh escaped the blond wizard's throat. "No. Think I'll use the express method. I just need a target. I need to say good-bye to Niblet and let her know where I'll be. Then I'll come back here and call you back. That way I'll be able to place myself next to you. What time of day is it there?"

"It's early morning here. I'll make sure the drapes are drawn when you call. I'll arrange somewhere for you to sleep and go to the butchers. Don't worry, everything will be all right." Giles said.

Spike gave another bitter chuckle. "Don't fuss too much, Rupert. You know anything I need I can make. Don't be spending your money at the butchers. Okay, Mate?"

"Of course. I'd quite forgotten. Very well then, I'll talk to you in a while. About how long do you think you'll be?" Giles reached over to his night table and found his glasses.

Spike closed his eyes, relief flooding through his system. "Not long. The only one I'm telling is Dawn. So I figure about half an hour, an hour tops." He answered. "Oh, and Rupert?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you." He paused. Then, "Don't tell the Slayer. I never want her to know. I'm not even sure I ever want to see her again." Spike growled into the phone and hung up.

In England, Giles hung up his phone slowly. 'Dear Lord.' He thought. Whatever it was Buffy had done to Spike, it was bad. Very bad. Turning on his light he went to make up the guest room and make sure all the drapes in the house were drawn.

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Spike stood under his tree outside the Summers house. He knew this would likely be the last time he stood there but couldn't make himself feel too badly about it. He would miss his Little Bit fiercely but nothing said she couldn't ever visit him in England. At this point he couldn't see himself ever coming back to Sunnyhell. He had met nothing but pain and heartache since setting foot on the Hellmouth so leaving seemed to be surprisingly easy. Closing his eyes, he tried to sense where Dawn was. Checking each room in the house, he located Willow in her room. Buffy, he shuddered, was in her own room and Dawn was thankfully alone in her room.

'Niblet.' He thought, trying to establish a mental link with the girl he loved like a sister.

'Spike?' He could hear the surprise in her response.

'Yeah, Bit. It's me. I need to talk to you and I don't want to see your sis. Can you come out?' He projected.

'Of course. Transport me so she doesn't hear me sneaking out. I'm playing the radio so she thinks I'm doing homework. She shouldn't ever know I'm gone.' The teenager answered mentally.

Spike concentrated on Dawn and she appeared in front of him in an instant. She leaped into his arms. Seeing that she was about to speak, he placed his finger over her lips and transported them to his crypt so they wouldn't be overheard.

She gasped at the ruins that were all that was left of his possessions. "What happened?" She demanded, exploring the room and shaking her head at the destruction.

Spike shrugged. "I made a mistake and your sister, along with Captain Cardboard, threw a hand grenade in here. I had a relationship of sorts with her and after she destroyed my stuff, she came back and destroyed me."

Dawn looked at him with concern. "I don't understand." She said, moving over to stand in front of him.

He looked at her with tears shining in his sapphire eyes. "You don't have to, Bit. Just know that I love you and I always will. But I can't be here right now." He stroked a hand down her hair and cupped her cheek.

"Spike, you're scaring me." She whispered with tears of her own springing to the surface.

"Do you remember the coven Giles told us about? The one willing to help me learn more about my magic?" He asked.

She nodded. "What about it?"

He bent his head. "I'm going there. I have to get out of here. Your sister..."

Dawn interrupted him. "You can't even say her name. What did she do to you?"

He shushed her. "Shhhh. Don't fret about it. I'll get over it. It's just that I have to go. For my own sanity, I have to." He pulled her into a hug.

"Take me with you." She pleaded.

He smiled sadly. "No. I can't. Your sister needs you. She may not realize it but she does. If you need to talk to me just use the link we established earlier. I will always answer. No matter what, I'll be there." He told her fiercely. He rested his forehead on hers. This was the hardest thing he'd ever done. Tears slipped down his lean face.

Tears streaming down her own face, she closed her eyes. "I love you, Spike. You're my big brother and I'll always need you. Don't leave me forever." She whispered.

Spike shook his blond head. "We'll be connected forever. I just can't stay here right now."

"When are you leaving?" She asked tearfully.

A deep unneeded breath hitched in his chest. "As soon as I take you home. I'll call Giles and transport to his place in England. I don't know if I'll be able to leave the coven for a while but maybe you can come over there and visit."

She nodded. "Okay. Take me home."

He hugged her tightly and took them back to the house on Revello Drive. He kissed her forehead tenderly and sent her back to her room. He could hear her crying in his mind. If his heart hadn't already been broken, that sound would have done it. He reached out mentally and let her know he was there, soothing her tears.

He transported back to the payphone and placed the collect call again. As soon as Giles answered the phone he transported to England. The payphone receiver magically hung itself up as soon as he left.

Giles hung up his phone as the young vampire appeared in front of him. Spike stumbled a little. It was the greatest distance he'd ever transported and he was slightly disoriented. Giles caught him before he could fall and led him over to the sofa. The former Watcher was dismayed at Spike's appearance. He'd obviously been crying, his face was still damp from the tears. His clothes were torn, covered in dirt and ashes.

"Dear Lord. What happened?" He asked.

Spike gave another bitter laugh. "Long, boring story. Not worth telling. If you don't mind, I'm a bit knackered. Think I can catch a nap somewhere?"

Giles studied the young vampire and nodded. Obviously he was in no condition to talk. Standing, he motioned for the blond to follow him. Showing Spike the spare bedroom with its adjoining bathroom, he left the heartbroken young man alone to clean up and rest.

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During first day, Giles attempted to get the unusually quiet vampire to talk about what happened. The bright blue eyes became cold and bleak. His features hardened and in a voice that sounded nothing like his own simply said he didn't want to discuss it.

The next few days found Giles sharing his house with a very different Spike than the one he'd come to know and, for much of the time, loath. This Spike was quiet, polite and unassuming. He cleaned up after himself and spent much of his time in his room reading. Gone was the brash and abrasive young vampire who'd invoked fear with his very name. It his place was someone who seemed... the only word Giles could think of was the one he'd heard Spike himself use during that first phone call. Broken. He showed no interest in anything other than selecting another book to read as soon as he finished one. It was as if he were making up for lost time, trying to absorb every book he could find before someone discovered what he was doing and put a stop to it.

The former Watcher decided to call Dawn to see what she knew. He knew that Spike used their new mental link to talk to her every morning and had the feeling that those daily contacts were all that was keeping the vampire sane. He waited until he knew that Buffy would be out slaying and Dawn would be home, if not alone then at least able to talk.

"Hello?" Willow answered the phone in Sunnydale.

"Willow. Hello. It's Giles. Is Buffy out patrolling yet?" He asked.

"Yes, did you want to talk to her? She should be home in a couple of hours." The witch said.

"No. That's all right. Could I speak to Dawn then?" He said making it sound as if talking to Dawn was an afterthought.

"Sure. She said that if you called to be sure she got to talk to you. Can you try to cheer her up? Spike disappeared a few days ago and she's been pretty bummed about it." Willow looked at the teenager coming down the stairs. "It's Giles. Want to talk to him?"

Dawn turned around. "I'll take it in my room. Can you hang up as soon as I get it?" Willow nodded and Dawn raced into her room, slammed the door closed and snatched the phone from its cradle. She waited until she heard the click of the receiver being replaced downstairs before she spoke. "Giles, is he there? Is he okay? He tells me he is but I can tell in his voice he's not." The questions sped out of her mouth.

"Yes, he's still here. The coven still needs a couple of days to prepare for him. I'm worried about him. He's not himself. He stays in his room reading. He's not the same Spike we know. What did Buffy do to him?" Giles said.

"I don't know. He just said she destroyed him. She won't talk either. When she found out he was gone, she threw some stuff around her room and then went out and killed every demon she could find. She's calmer now but she scared me. She won't talk about him, just says that he's an evil soulless thing and we're better off without him." Dawn's voice shook.

They agreed to each let the other know if they discovered anything more. Saying their good-byes, they hung up.

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The coven had needed extra time preparing to have a vampire stay with them indefinitely. They had to arrange for somewhere for him to sleep and somewhere safe for him to be during the day. Then they placed protection charms around their property so no harm could come to the young wizard coming to them for help. They held meetings amongst themselves to ensure everyone was aware of the seriousness of secrecy. It was imperative that the Watcher's Council remained unaware of Spike's presence and abilities. Giles shuddered to think of what the Council would do if they were aware that Spike was a wizard, an extremely powerful one at that.

The high priestess had requested an audience with Spike and Giles to gauge the sincerity of their request. Charmed by the quiet young vampire, she granted their plea to let Spike stay with them and learn. He was nothing like she'd heard and she was pleased about that. She'd had her reservations about allowing William The Bloody into their sacred home.

She drew Giles to one side and raised a sound proof barrier so they couldn't be over heard, even by vampire hearing. "Your young friend is very troubled." She stated.

"Yes, he is and I'm at a loss as far as helping him. He refuses to discuss the problem." Rupert admitted.

She nodded, her silver hair shining in the candlelight. "He will find peace here. His young sister may visit after he's been here one month. We will arrange it. She is very important to his well-being. Now, I must know. How long has he had that foreign object lodged in his brain?"

Giles was surprised then realized he shouldn't be. "More than two years now. It was installed by a government organization to keep him from hurting humans."

A small secretive smile graced her ageless face. "And what is stopping him now that the chip is no longer functional?"

Shock appeared on the former Watcher's face. "How long.....?" He began; looking over at the vampire he'd thought was completely harmless.

The high priestess laughed. "Oh, I'd say quite a while now. It would seem that his magic had issues with the thing and disarmed it, so to speak. It hasn't been functional for several months at least."

Giles gaped. "Does he know?" He asked.

"Oh, I'm sure he does. He just doesn't care. Love has been his conscience for a long time. He cannot bear to bring heartache to the ones he loves. Even though she is the one to bring heartache to him. He cares very deeply for his little sister, but it's the older girl he loves and mourns." She said.

"She's not really his sister." Giles felt compelled to explain.

She laughed again. "We are aware of that. His love is that of an older brother and I believe he spent quite a bit of time fulfilling that particular role."

"What do you mean that he 'mourns' her?" Rupert asked.

The silver head shook slowly. "He mourns the girl he knew before she went to heaven. She came back differently. She has treated him horribly and he mourns for her. The details he will have to tell you himself. Now, let's go tell your young friend he is welcome to come stay with us tomorrow. Take him home and spend time with him. He needs the companionship of someone familiar. Maybe he can sneak his little sister over for a few minutes of quality time later."

Giles nodded and smiled. "That's a splendid idea. A visit from Dawn would do him a world of good."

The high priestess lowered the barrier. Giles walked over to the silent vampire. He had been remarkably motionless for someone Giles knew to be unable to remain still for long. Spike beamed a smile at the high priestess. He liked her, he had a good feeling while in her presence. "All done talking about me?" He asked. Giles smiled sheepishly and nodded.

The silver head inclined graciously. "You are welcome to begin your stay tomorrow." She said. She again received a beaming smile.

"Thank you." Spike said sincerely.

"Let's go home." Giles suggested. The platinum head nodded.

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Spike had been making dinner for the two of them every night. Giles knew he would miss the delicious meals, as well as the company. He suggested that Spike contact Dawn about coming over for a visit, a suggestion that was met with a grin, the first one, other than those at the coven, all week. He immediately closed his eyes and linked with her. Giles still found it remarkable that the two had forged the same sort of bond shared by Spike and his Sire, Angel.

'Niblet.' He projected.

'Spike.' She squealed in her mind. He winced at the mental noise.

Back in Sunnydale, Dawn got up from the breakfast table. Seeing Buffy's and Willow's curiosity, she stated, "Gotta go to the ladies. Be right back." Once alone she closed her eyes. 'Spike!' She thought.

'Can you come visit?' He asked.

'You mean now?' She wanted to know.

'No, I mean at three in the morning your time. Of course right now. Come for dinner.' He teased.

'I have to go to school but I can cut. As soon as I get there, I'll call you and you can transport me.' She thought.

'Don't cut. I'll send you a note to excuse you for a couple of classes. Or for the day.' Spike suggested, following words with action as a note appeared in her hand. It was written in Buffy's writing.

'Nice touch.' She giggled in her mind.

'Thought you'd like it.' He snickered mentally.

'I need to go. They're going to wonder what I'm doing in the bathroom so long.' She said.

'Okay. Let me know as soon as it's safe.' He told her. They closed the link.

Spike opened his eyes and looked at Giles. He grinned happily. "She's coming." He said.

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Stuffing the note in her pocket, Dawn returned to the kitchen. Being careful not to appear too happy, she finished her breakfast just as Xander arrived to give her a ride. Buffy handed the teenager a lunch as she walked by to leave.

"Have a good day, Dawnie." The blonde slayer said.

"I'll give it a shot." Dawn said snidely.

Buffy closed her eyes and sighed. Since Spike had left Dawn had been nearly uncontrollable. She felt bad about how she'd treated him but would die again before admitting it. She couldn't believe he'd disappeared the way he did. Not even Willow's locator spell could find him. Not that she wanted him back. Dawn missed him that was all. Just the fact that Dawn still talked to her told Buffy that Spike hadn't told the teenager why he'd left. She refused to believe that she'd hurt him. Evil, soulless things couldn't suffer from hurt feelings. They had no feelings. She put his disappearance down to wounded pride. Shrugging off that line of thought she began cleaning the kitchen.

As soon as she could, Dawn took the note to the school office. She expected the third degree from the secretary and was pleasantly surprised when she accepted the note at face value. Making sure no one saw her, she went into the girl's bathroom. She checked under each stall, happy that they were empty. She locked herself into a stall and mentally called Spike. Seconds later she was in England with her arms and legs wrapped around her favorite vampire.

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"Oooomph!" Spike grunted, finding himself with his arms full of lanky teenager. "I just saw you a few days ago." He complained.

"It's been a week and I missed you every second." Dawn wrapped her arms tighter around his neck. "Just be happy you don't have to breathe." She said, leaning her forehead against his.

Giles smiled at the sight of the two of them. Arms wrapped around each other, eyes closed, bliss written on each face. He knew they had been miserable apart and Giles felt a twinge of anger at Buffy for forcing the two of them to separate. They had been so close all last summer but as soon as Buffy was back it was as if he no longer mattered, not to Dawn of course, but to the other Scoobies. Dawn would always think the sun rose and set on the blond vampire. He cleared his throat. "Excuse me, miss. Is this the line for hugs?"

Dawn opened her eyes and grinned. Reluctantly putting her feet on the floor, she let go of Spike's neck and ran over to Giles to wrap her arms around him. "Hi." She said.

"Hi." He echoed drawing her close. "How have you been?" He asked after a moment.

"Just swell." She said sarcastically. They moved into the living room for a proper visit. Spike and Dawn snuggled on the sofa, unwilling to be apart more than a few feet. She told them of Xander's and Anya's aborted wedding. And about Willow's decreased use of magic. Both men found that a bit comforting, they hadn't been happy with Willow's magical inclinations. After two or three hours of catching up, care was taken not to mention Buffy; they decided it was time for dinner.

By the time they reached the dining room, Spike had the table set with a scrumptious meal. Complete with china, crystal and linens, the table was beautiful. Dawn looked at him in awe. "Spike, it's great. What's the occasion?" She asked.

"You are, Bit. That and I'm going to stay with the coven tomorrow." Spike said. "I wanted tonight to be special."

She grinned as a thought occurred to her. "You realize of course, I'll be expected to eat dinner at home tonight because it will still be afternoon when I get back."

He laughed at her. "Yeah, I know. But you like it, don't you?" He asked, suddenly unsure.

She hugged him. "I love it. I love you. And I love Giles for suggesting I come over."

Soon after the sumptuous feast was consumed, they reluctantly realized the Dawn needed to go back to California. Her school day would be ending soon and she had to return before Buffy realized she hadn't been there. Now that they knew how easy it was for them to visit, it was easier to part this time. Dawn was not happy about having to wait a month before visiting the coven but she knew there was a good reason. They also knew they could mentally visit every day just as they had been.

Spike asked her where she wanted to be returned. She chose the alley behind the Magic Box, as it was usually unoccupied. She was supposed to go there every day after school anyway. He knew the alley well because he'd spent a lot of time there. He knew just the spot to put her, one that was well hidden around a corner.

Nevertheless they clung to each other when it came time for her to leave. She gave Giles a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek, telling him to call her more often. Taking a deep breath, Spike gazed into her eyes. He pictured the corner in the alley and sent her on her way. She wavered a minute before leaning against the wall. Breathing deeply, she managed to chase away the dizziness. Closing her eyes, she connected with her vampire.

'Spike.' She thought.

'Yeah, Bit?' He answered.

'I'm here. I miss you already.' She sent.

'I miss you too. Are you okay?' He asked anxiously.

'Fine. A little dizzy for a second but I'm okay now. Talk to you later. Love you.' She projected.

'Love you too Bit.' He closed the link.

Taking another deep breath, she hitched her backpack up and left the secluded corner. Luckily, she hadn't been overly talkative of late so they weren't expecting her to chatter much about school. Entering the shop, she gave everyone a sullen look and went to a back table to pretend to do the homework she didn't have yet. Opening her backpack she discovered her wizard had thought to include her homework for the day.

Turning to Rupert, Spike heaved a deep unneeded sigh. "She's back and she's okay." His dark blue eyes sparkled. "Thank you." He said sincerely.

"My pleasure." The former Watcher answered with a smile.

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It was a much happier vampire that left for the coven the next day. He dove into his lessons with an intelligence and eagerness to learn that was refreshing to the witches teaching him. They were astounded by his depth of power and the control he already had over it. He charmed his female instructors and became friends with the male teachers easily. They all had heard of Spike aka William the Bloody and had been nervous about having him in their home. He allayed their fears with his wit and humor, usually directed at himself. For the most part, they forgot he was a vampire. He didn't feel the need to be the Big Bad there. He couldn't have pretended if he'd wanted to. There were telepaths, empaths and seers there, any pretense would have been revealed instantly. He had enjoyed school as a human and found he'd missed learning new things.

Giles kept in touch with Spike as often as he was allowed. He and Dawn were the only ones who knew where Spike was and they were determined to keep it that way. Giles knew that Buffy had made a few halfhearted attempts to find the blond vampire but he also knew she only did it for Dawn. He couldn't believe how cold hearted his daughter had become since her resurrection. Neither he nor Dawn had yet learned exactly what made Spike flee Sunnydale as he had but they knew eventually they would find out. They talked on the phone often, usually when Buffy was patrolling. They were both thrilled that the vampire they cared about was happy where he was. The high priestess had been right; Spike did find peace there.


	2. Shattered Peace

Shattered Peace

Disclaimer: Don't own them, just take them out and play with them sometimes. Much more fun to play with than pocket lint.

Summary: Spike shares with Xander. Xander wishes he hadn't asked.

Reviews: Yeah, Baby. Reviews are food for the muse. We both love them. So PLEASE review. All reviewers ROCK!

A/N: I have no idea where any of this came from. I sat down to write something entirely different and this is what showed up. Guess Xander was feeling a little ignored.

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Spike had been with the coven for almost three weeks. He was happier than he could ever remember being, both in his human and his demon lives. He didn't have to pretend anymore. He could just be himself. Angel had been correct when he'd stated that Spike was almost too human to be a vampire. He enjoyed learning and knew the Scoobies would fall over laughing if they could see him. He closed the book he'd been reading and stretched, clasping his hands over his head and leaning back as far as he could go. He looked around his small room and smiled with contentment. He never really needed a lot of space and he'd made this small space his own. The room had a full size bed, a small dresser and a desk. An easy chair was in the corner with a reading lamp on a table next to it. He had a small bookcase with his very own collection of books. A photo of Dawn held a place of honor on top of the dresser with a smaller photo of Giles next to it. Giles had been flattered that the vampire had wanted a picture of him. What he thought was the best part was the sliding glass window door. It led out to a small covered patio. His room was situated so that he could go out onto his patio at any time without fear of being crispy-fried. The patio was never in direct sunlight. He'd never had anyone be so considerate of him.

He'd been reading for over an hour and was ready for a break. Checking the time he noted with a grin that it was time to talk to Dawn. They were in the habit of 'speaking' every day. He generally opened their link very early in the morning London time, which made it evening in Sunnydale. It was the last thing he did before going to sleep every day. Getting comfortable, he opened the link cautiously.

'Niblet. Can you talk?' He sent.

In Sunnydale, Dawn became very quiet. She had been sitting on the sofa watching a comedy with Xander. Buffy had gone out for patrol and Willow was out trying to mend her relationship with Tara. Xander glanced at her with concern. He'd noticed that at around the same time every evening she got really quiet for a while. Usually she excused herself and went to her room. But sometimes she just stayed where she was and seemed to retreat into herself. He'd also noticed that she appeared much less concerned about Spike in the last three weeks than she'd been the first week he was gone. He may not have been the brightest Scooby in the bunch, but he did see things and what he saw here added up to one big secret. Xander reflected on the times he'd been watching Dawn in the past three weeks and the increased number of phone calls between Dawn and Giles screamed 'conspiracy'. Things were adding up in Xander's brain and the total had bleached blond hair.

In the past month Xander had come to regret following the crowd in treating the vampire so badly. They had been co-workers and had gotten along well in the months Buffy had been gone. It had just been easier to go back to the old ways and keep Buffy happy than to hang on to the tenuous friendship he'd begun with Spike. The site boss at work had pestered Xander about the missing vampire for several weeks after the discovery of Spike's magic. Xander's thoughts sputtered to a stop. Spike's magic. Willow's magic. Willow was able to transmit thoughts to other people, what's to say Spike couldn't do the same. That was it. Spike and Dawn were 'talking'. He knew Spike wouldn't just abandon Dawn the way it appeared he had. He had to hand it to her. She could keep a secret well. Xander's thoughts wandered a little more. He thought back to the night Wesley and Giles had explained Spike's options. They had not gone into detail about the choices with Willow and Tara so they didn't know about.... Wait a minute. Suddenly he knew where Spike was. He crossed his arms and leaned back smugly. He was probably the only one to figure it out. He waited patiently for her to mentally return.

After a short while, Dawn noticed the expression on Xander's face. He looked like the cat that got the cream.

'Spike. I think we're busted.' She thought.

'What do you mean, Bit?' He asked.

'Xander looks really smug. Which means he figured out what we're doing.' She explained.

'No he didn't.' He laughed at the thought.

'Wait for it.' She defended herself. 'Listen.' She looked at Xander. "Why do you look like that?" She asked.

"Like what?" He looked surprised, but she could tell it was an act. "You mean like I'm trying to decided whether or not I should get you to tell Spike I'm sorry for the way I acted or just tell him hi for me." Xander said with a smirk that would have rivaled Spike's best.

'Oh-oh.' Spike sent.

'Got that right.' She sent back.

"I really am you know." Xander went on.

"What?" Dawn asked.

"Sorry. About the way I treated Spike. We'd been through too much for me to be such a jerk, but I was and I'm sorry." Xander's regret was written on his face.

'Bit, tell him it's okay. I'm not mad. I never was.' Spike projected.

'Tell him yourself.' Dawn sassed.

'Fine. I can do that you know. Willow does it all the time. Just so you know it's different from our link. He can't call me anytime he wants like you can. I don't want to be connected to him. Never really liked him you know.' He babbled.

'Yeah, yeah.' Dawn stopped him mid babble.

'Whelp.' Spike reached out to Xander.

Xander jumped a foot. "Man, I hate when they do that. Willow does it too and it wigs me out every time." He yelped.

Spike's laughter echoed through Xander's mind. 'Yeah, laugh all you want Draco. I figured out what was going on and I know where you are. So there.' Dawn was still linked with Spike so she could hear their conversation, and giggled.

'God, I've missed picking on you.' Spike said.

'Well, the all girl gang has been a little confining here. With you and G-man gone I've been the lone ranger in the male gender department. Not that I'm complaining mind you. It's just that the girl talk gets a little overwhelming sometimes.' Xander sent.

'Gee, you missed me. I'm touched.' Spike's smirk could be heard.

'Well don't let it go to your head.' Xander said defensively. 'How are you doing in the coven? They teaching you how to be a good little witch?'

'That's wizard, you ponce. And yeah, I like it here. Most of the time they forget I'm a vampire. It's kind of strange.' Spike grinned.

'Why haven't you come for a visit? What with your cool transporting skill and all.' Xander asked.

'The spells protecting this place won't let anything or anyone transport in or out. They did that so the Wanker's council can't find me. Imagine what they'd do if they knew about me.' Spike shuddered.

'I don't want to.' Xander echoed the shudder.

'Me neither.' Dawn added.

'Besides, I don't want to be anywhere the S-sla...um...she is.' Spike's thoughts got very quiet as he stumbled over the word.

'What did she do to you anyway?' Xander asked.

'Nothing I want to talk about.' Spike evaded.

'You need to. You can't even say her name.' Dawn said.

'Yeah, you gotta get it out. Or its just gonna eat away at you. You can tell us, we can help.' Xander added.

'I said NO.' Spike became defensive.

Xander looked at Dawn. He made a slashing motion letting the teenager know he wanted her to close her link so he could talk to Spike alone for a minute. She nodded.

'Spike. I gotta go. I love you. Talk to you tomorrow night. Talk to Xander a while. I think he needs some guy time.' Dawn sent.

'Oh all right. Love you too, Bit.' Spike closed the link between them, keeping his connection with Xander open.

Dawn went up to her room to give them some privacy.

'You wanted to talk to me? Whisper sweet nothings into my mind?' Spike sent.

'Not exactly.' Xander sent back. 'I want to know what Buffy did to you. Don't hold back. She's been different since she came back. Colder, worse since you've been gone. We've been clueless and I think you have the answer. If you let it out, you can deal with it better.'

'I said no, damn it! What makes you think I want to talk about that bitch?' Spike asked angrily.

'Because you still love that bitch.' Xander answered just as angrily.

Spike growled. The Whelp was right of course. He still loved Buffy and her treatment of him had been eating away at his heart. He made a fast and hard decision. 'Are you sure you want to know? It's pretty graphic and I'm going to give it all to you. You are going to totally hate me when you know what I've done.'

'Like I've never hated you before. I know you now. I don't think I can go back to hating you. Buffy was part of it and there's something wrong with her. Tell me why.' Xander demanded.

'Fasten your seatbelt and if you breathe a word of this to Dawn, I will kill you. She can NEVER know. In fact don't tell anyone at all.' Spike threatened.

'I got it. Tell no one. Now spill.' Xander insisted. His mind was immediately assaulted with images of everything Spike and Buffy had done together. It was as if he were watching a movie on fast forward. The scene between the two blonds behind the police station slowed down to normal speed so the brunette could see and hear every word. As soon as she left the beaten vampire on the ground, the scenes sped back up until the final moments where again he could see and hear everything. He was revolted, disgusted and sickened. He felt battered by the images. He knew Spike could feel that and he could sense Spike's pain at reliving those events.

He inhaled deeply. He could feel Spike waiting for the hatred to begin. He shook his head. 'Spike. Oh my God. I had no idea. She used you so badly. I never imagined she could be so cruel. No wonder you left.' He only felt sad.

'Well, she wasn't alone in it, Mate.' Spike said softly with no small measure of relief.

'Very true. But even I can see everything you did was because you loved her and wanted to help. Even your stupid egg plan, yeah she told us about it, was because you wanted to get money for her. I figured that out and I'm not the brightest Scooby in the box.' Xander sent. 'Man, I am so sorry. I didn't know.'

'No one did. She refused to let anybody know we were together, seeing each other or whatever you want to call what we were doing.' Spike thought sadly. 'She was ashamed of me.'

'No. I don't think so. I think she was ashamed of herself. She has feelings for you, she just refuses to sort them out and decide what to do about it.' Xander tried to comfort his friend.

'And every feeling is consumed with hate. You saw her. She hates me, hates what we had together. She made me feel....' Spike stopped, unwilling to verbalize how Buffy had made him feel, none of it had been good.

'You made her feel. You brought her out of the despair of being brought back. You gave her love, unconditional love when no one else understood. We wanted to her to be just like she was before she d...died. But she couldn't be that way. She was different and we didn't want to see it, but you did. You saw it and showed her that it didn't matter. Then you left, just like all the others and she emotionally withdrew again.' Xander argued.

'I HAD to leave. Don't you see that? I couldn't stay there any more. I couldn't take it any more. I was going bug shagging crazy there, being her personal punching bag.' Spike started pacing in agitation.

'I know. I get it. So what do we do now?' Xander asked.

'NOTHING. There's nothing to do. I'm here. I'm happy. They're good to me. I owe them my sanity. You promised not to tell anyone. Please Xander.' Spike sat down and buried his face in his hands.

'Your secret is safe with me, all your secrets in fact. Just don't be a stranger. Let me know how you're doing.' Xander said.

'Niblet is coming to see me next week. Why don't you come with her?' Spike couldn't believe what he's just said.

'You got it. How are we accomplishing this marvelous feat?' Xander was amused; he couldn't believe what Spike was suggesting.

'At a specific time the coven will lower the protection spell and I'll transport you here.' Spike explained.

'Sounds like a plan. I think we need to hang up now, Buffy will be home soon and I really don't want to try to explain why I'm just sitting here thinking. Not known for my thinking you know.' Xander grinned.

'Yeah, I know.' Spike teased.

'Talk to you later.' Xander said.

'Count on it.' Spike closed the link. He felt drained. He made a mug of blood and downed it in seconds. Then he stretched out on his bed. He was emotionally exhausted by the memory transference. It was the first time he'd attempted it and still couldn't fathom why he chose the Whelp to confide in. Sleep claimed him while he was trying to figure it out.

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Back in Sunnydale, Xander stood up and stretched. He'd been sitting still for longer than he'd planned. He was still shaken by the memories Spike had transmitted to him. He'd had no idea. Part of him was disgusted by the knowledge that Buffy would do those things with yet another vampire. Another part of him knew how deeply Spike loved the blonde slayer and understood why he would let himself be used as he had just to be close her. What he couldn't understand was just why Buffy had been so unbelievably cruel to someone who obviously loved her so much. Her whole 'you're soulless and can't love' speech just didn't hold water any more. Spike had proven over and over just how much he could and did love.

He went into the kitchen for something cold to drink. He opened the refrigerator. A beer, just what he needed. Normally he didn't indulge when watching out for Dawn but he felt an overwhelming need in this instance. Twisting the cap off he took a deep drink. Hearing the front door open, he hoped with all his heart that it was Willow. He really didn't want to see Buffy right now. Wandering back into the living room, he was doomed to disappointment. Buffy was standing by her weapons chest putting away her stakes.

"Hey Buff. Good patrol tonight?" He took another swig and avoided looking directly at her.

She shrugged. "Same old. A few vamps, a demon or two. How about you? You and Dawnie have a good time?"

"Yeah. We watched a little TV. She got tired and went up to her room." He answered. He sat down on the sofa to finish his beer. He knew he couldn't drive home with it and really wanted to drink it all. Picking up the remote, he started channel surfing.

"You okay?" Buffy sat down next to him, looking at him quizzically.

"Yeah. I'm swell." Xander answered, sounding anything but. Finishing his beer, he'd downed it in record time, he put the remote down. Standing, he went into the kitchen and put the bottle in the recycle bin. Returning to the other room, he looked past her. "Look, I gotta go. Have to be at the site early tomorrow."

"Sure, okay. Thanks for coming over." Buffy was puzzled over his behavior.

"Dawnmeister! I'm leaving." Xander called up the stairs. Dawn flew down the stairs and gave him a big hug.

"Talk to you tomorrow." She said, giving him a meaningful look.

"You got it." He kissed her forehead and left with a wave.

Buffy looked at her sister. "What's up with him?" She asked.

The teenager shrugged. "Beats me." She said and went back up to her room.

Buffy stood looking up the stairs. Something was going on and she wanted to know what it was. With that thought she also went up to her room.

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In England, Spike slept restlessly. Memories assaulted his dreams, tormenting his psyche. Tears slid down his unconscious face, dripping onto his pillow. His peace had been shattered.


	3. Secrets, Lies And Promises

Secrets, Lies And Promises

Disclaimer: They're not playing, it wasn't any fun. But they're still not mine.

Summary: Xander breaks his promise, Giles goes to see Spike.

Reviews: Yes, please. Reviewers rule the world my muse lives in.

A/N: It seems that Spike had deeper issues than I imagined. I don't know exactly where they're going from here but it should get better.

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Xander went back to his empty apartment. His head was still filled with the images from Spike's memories. He felt he had two options; he could either be sick or get drunk. At the moment he felt getting drunk was the more appealing of the two. He had cut back a lot since spending first week after his aborted wedding to Anya in a drunken stupor. He still loved her with all his heart but couldn't figure out how to make it up to her so for a while he'd hid in a never-ending six-pack of beer. Twisting the cap off the first of a fresh six-pack, he sat down to watch television. He'd lied to Buffy; he had the next day off. He just hadn't felt like talking to her. If he'd said anything at all it would have resulted in an argument that ended in him revealing what he knew. Part of him wished he hadn't pressed Spike for the full story but now that he knew, he needed to figure out what to do about it. He'd promised not to tell anyone. Not that he was afraid of Spike, chip or no, he seriously couldn't see Spike killing anyone anymore. It's just that the information was so personal and painful that Xander didn't want to think about it. It was a burden he hadn't been prepared for.

Xander interrupted his musings to open another beer. He'd downed the first one almost as fast as the one at Buffy's house. He had built up quite a tolerance to alcohol in the past month so he wasn't feeling any effects yet. Making a decision he wasn't conscious of considering, he picked up the phone and dialed a number he knew but hadn't used much.

Listening to the phone ring, he debated whether or not he should hang up. Hearing it get picked up took away that decision.

"Hello?" A familiar British voice sounded in Xander's ear.

"Giles." Xander said. "I need some advice."

"Xander. It's good to hear from you. How can I help?" The surprise was evident in the father figure's voice.

Xander took a long swig for courage. "I promised I wouldn't tell but I have to talk to someone. I can't tell Dawn. It would kill her."

Giles took a deep breath and set his book aside. "It sounds very serious. What's the problem?"

"It's Spike. I know where he is." Xander said.

"But Xander, Dawn already knows where he is." Giles tried to comfort the younger man.

"I know that. I was with her when Spike started 'talking to her' and figured it out. That's not what will kill Dawn. I know why Spike left." Xander slouched back on the sofa and closed his eyes. "And I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone but.... I don't know how I can.... It's so hard... so awful... the things she did... the things she said... I don't know how he survived. God, she hurt him so much." Xander started to babble, the dam on his emotions finally breaking free.

"Dear Lord." Giles murmured. How had things gone so wrong for his 'children'? He wondered what Xander had said to the vampire to get him to tell why he'd fled Sunnydale. "Xander. Calm down. Tell me what happened. Spike confided in you?"

"I pushed him. Dawn and I were linked to him and I asked him why he hadn't come back to visit. He said he couldn't be anywhere she was. He couldn't even say the word 'slayer' much less call her by name. So I got Dawn to close her side of the link and go away so I could try and get him to talk. God help me, he did more than that. He transferred his memories to me. Every thing he and Buffy did, everything she did and said to him. God, Giles she was so cruel. He wasn't exactly Mr. Innocent but at least I could tell he only wanted to love her. She paid him back with pain and hatred. Don't ask me for details, I don't think I can do that. Not to Spike. It's bad enough I'm breaking my promise to this extent. He said he'd kill me if I told anyone but I don't believe he'd do that. I think it would hurt him too badly to know I couldn't even last a day. But, I had to talk to someone. Buffy wanted to know what was wrong with me. Giles, I couldn't even look at her." Xander's voice broke.

"Without going into a lot of detail, can you tell me some of what she did to him? I know they spent a lot of time fighting, are you telling me that there was more?" Giles asked.

"Lots more. One of the worst was a fight they had. I think it was when Warren tried to frame her for murdering his girlfriend. Spike was trying to keep Buffy from turning herself in before they could find out what really happened. He was trying to keep her from ruining her life by confessing to a murder she didn't commit. After the first couple of punches he stopped fighting back. He told her to quote 'put it all on me' end quote. Dear God, she did. He just gave up and let her hit him. She just kept hitting him. He wouldn't fight back, just laid there and took it. She beat him so bad I'm surprised he got back to his crypt before the sun came up. He still had bruises on his face a week later. He told us he got them patrolling." Xander swallowed some more beer to remove the lump from his throat. "He looked worse than when Glory got done with him."

"Oh Dear God. Is that why... no it couldn't be. He was relatively undamaged when he got here. Then why did he leave?" Giles was puzzled.

Xander laughed. A bitter laugh, oddly reminiscent of the one Spike had given when he'd first called to ask if he could come to England. "She made him tell her he loved her. Then she made him tell her he wanted her and prove it to her. After that she blew up his crypt. Then she told him she could never love him. She broke up with him. She told him she was using him. He said he wasn't complaining, he loved her. That's when she told him it was killing her. God, isn't that rich. Why didn't she just stake him?"

"That's why he seemed so broken." Giles murmured.

"I wouldn't be a bit surprised that he was. How did this happen? When did she become so cold and cruel? Was it because we brought her back? Or was it always there and we didn't see it?" Xander asked, heartbroken.

The former Watcher sighed. "I don't know. Part of being the slayer is being solitary. Not having anyone to have to take care of but yourself. But normal was never part of Buffy's life. Slayers don't have friends and family. Slayers don't fall in love with vampires. She's unique but still, I can't understand deliberate cruelty."

"I don't know. I don't really want to think about it any more right now. I think I'll finish the beer in my fridge and pass out. I gotta to do some serious forgetting." Xander told the older man dryly, finishing his third beer in less than an hour and opening a fourth. "I'm sorry I disturbed you."

"No, no. I'm glad you called. I wish Spike had told me. But I'm glad he finally got it out of his system. I have a lot to think about now. I think I'll call the coven later to see how he is. There is bound to be some reaction on his part from this." Giles said.

"Yeah, I think he'll need someone to talk to. It's nowhere near out of his system. Just don't tell Dawnie any of this." Xander asked.

"No, of course not. It would be devastating for her to know. Her relationship with Buffy is strained at best. This would destroy it. Dawn loves Spike so much that knowing her sister was so deliberately cruel to him... I don't know how she'd take it." The former Watcher said.

"Not well." Xander answered.

"Quite. Good night Xander." Giles prepared to hang up.

"Thanks, G-man." Xander couldn't resist the hated nickname as he hung up.

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Spike was still sleeping when a young witch knocked on his door to tell him he had a phone call. He'd declined having a telephone installed in his room, he hadn't really felt he needed one as he rarely got calls. He knew it was either Rupert or Xander calling so he got up and changed out his black sweat pants into his usual black jeans and snug black t-shirt. He quickly drank a mug of blood before leaving to take his call.

"Hello?"

"Spike, it's Rupert. How are you?" Giles asked.

"As soon as I wake up I can tell you. Why the sudden concern, Watcher?" Spike asked suspiciously.

"Xander called me. He seemed to think you would need someone to talk to when you woke up. Something about being upset. He didn't give me any details. He said I would have to ask you." Rupert explained, hoping the young vampire wouldn't hear the evasion in his voice.

Spike was silent for a moment, seething. He should have known better than to trust a Scooby. The wanker had wasted no time calling and spilling everything he knew to Giles. He took a deep unneeded breath. He rested his forehead on the wall next to the phone and wished for the first time that he had a private line. "He promised." The words were low and unsteady.

"Spike. Xander needed someone to talk to. He was pretty upset by whatever it was you told him." Rupert hastened to assure the young vampire his secrets were still safe.

"How much did he tell you?" Spike asked softly, dangerously.

Giles thought for a moment, knowing his delay would be taken wrong. "He didn't give me any details at all. He told me that you had transferred some of your memories to him and he was having a difficult time dealing with them. He was well on the way to being drunk when he called me. He merely said that Buffy had been unbelievably cruel to you and that he could understand why you left as you did. Spike, he couldn't even look at Buffy when she came home last night. He had to leave as fast as he could just so he wouldn't have to talk to her." He explained.

Spike couldn't speak. He wasn't sure he could trust that Xander hadn't told the Watcher everything. The fact that the older man wasn't right there with a stake in his hand led Spike to believe that the Whelp hadn't spilled everything he knew.

"Spike, are you okay?" Giles couldn't hide the concern in his voice.

The blond cleared his throat. "Um... listen. I'll... ah... talk to you later. Okay? I can't right now. I gotta go." He hung up quickly before the older man could say anything further. He nearly ran to the training room that had been set up for him. He began viciously punching and kicking the hanging bag in the center of the room, desperately trying to keep his emotions in check.

Giles immediately dialed the private number of the high priestess. She answered as if she'd been expecting his call. Which, he thought with grim amusement, she probably was. Without going into detail, he explained the situation to her. She'd been aware of Spike's emotional upheaval but hadn't known the cause of it. She granted Giles special permission to visit as soon as he could get there. When he arrived forty-five minutes later, Spike was still in the training room showing no signs of stopping anytime soon.

Giles stood in the doorway watching his young friend pummel the hapless punching bag. His heart ached in sympathy for the pain the vampire was in. He was clueless about how to help.

"Spike." He said softly, knowing the vampire could hear him.

The platinum blond stopped what he was doing, facing away from the visitor. He'd stripped off his t-shirt at some point and Giles could see the tension in the bare back. He gave one more vicious spinning kick to the punching bag and landed facing the older man.

"Can we talk?" Rupert asked as softly as before.

Spike sent him a cold glare and picked up his shirt, putting it on. "I don't want to talk about it. I shouldn't have told the Whelp. Someday I'll learn not to trust people. They betray you the first chance they get."

Giles removed his glasses. "Xander didn't betray you. I don't know the details of what went on between you and Buffy." He saw Spike flinch at the name. "But I promise you, your secret is still safe."

"Don't make any promises. There's nothing you can say I haven't already heard." He brushed past the former Watcher as he left the room. Giles grasped his arm, stopping the vampire's progress. Icy blue eyes flicked up to glare into sympathetic green ones only to turn away again. Giles gazed at the tense profile in front of him, seeing the muscles bunching in the jawline and the narrowed eyes staring straight ahead.

"Why can't you talk to me?" The older man asked quietly, insistently. "After all we went through last summer, why all of a sudden can't you tell me? I thought we were friends."

Pain and grief chased each other across Spike's face. "So did I." He said, then shook himself free and ran.

Giles followed, knowing the vampire would head for him own space. Sure enough minutes later he arrived at Spike's room and heard his music blasting. He knew he hadn't brought a stereo with him, he'd had nothing when he came here, so Spike must have used his magic to install it. Trying the doorknob, Rupert was relieved when it turned easily. He stepped into the room cautiously. Spike was sitting in the middle of his bed, knees drawn up to his chin, eyes closed and rocking back and forth. It was chillingly reminiscent of his reaction immediately following Buffy's death. He stopped for a second and the blaring music ceased. Quiet echoed through the room as he began rocking again.

"Spike. Do you want me to call Angel?" Giles asked carefully as he sat on the end of the bed. The blond head shook violently.

"Peaches is pissed at me again. He opened our link once when B-bu... she and I were...um... shagging. So he broke our bond again." The words were spoken quietly and Giles had to strain to hear them.

"Oh dear." Was all he could think of to say. He waited.

"So, Watcher. Where's the stake? Isn't this where you go all fatherly on me and dust me for daring to defile your daughter?" The bitter words were stark with pain. He opened his eyes and waited.

Rupert pinched the bridge of his nose. A stray tear traced a path down his face, startling the watching vampire. "My dear boy, if there was any defiling done, it seems to me that you were the victim."

Spike jumped up from the bed and started to pace agitatedly. "I thought you said Xander didn't give you any details." He accused.

"He didn't. He told me enough to make me understand how undeniably cruel Buffy was to you." Again there was a flinch at the sound of the name. "Your reaction when I say her name and the fact that you can't say it at all tells me more than Xander ever could. How long did you think you could delay dealing with this? I know you'd found some peace here but what about when you left? How long did you think you could go without it coming back to haunt you?" Giles watched Spike pace, knowing he'd struck a nerve when the pacing stopped.

"Is forever too much to ask for?" He shoved his hands through his hair. "GOD! What is WRONG with me??" He demanded. "I'm a VAMPIRE! I KILL slayers! Vampires don't love. They don't let slayers treat them like their own personal toys. Demons have no feelings. Isn't that what they teach? That's what she keeps saying. That I can't love, I have no feelings. Then why does it hurt so much? Please tell me why." He pleaded as he sank to the floor. "I can't do this any more. Make it stop hurting." He raised tormented blue eyes to meet sad green ones. "Stake me."

Giles shook his head slowly. "I can't."

A laugh bubbled out hysterically. "Yes, you can. You've staked vamps before. What would be so different? Please...just...make it stop."

Rupert recalled his conversation with the high priestess. 'Whatever happens Spike must not die today.' She'd instructed. 'He has a much greater destiny than to die over a broken heart. He will mend and become stronger.' He regarded the blond vampire gravely. He was kneeling on the floor, head bent in defeat. His despair too deep even for tears.

"Spike." He said sadly. "I can't. Don't ask me."

The vampire on the floor seemed to crumple before his eyes. He fell forward onto his arms then let his body slide onto his side, curling up and grasping his legs with his arms. Giles rushed over and knelt in front of the young wizard.

"I know it hurts. I can't imagine what you're going through, what you've been through. But I can promise you it will get better. You survived Buffy's death, you can survive this. You didn't become part of the scourge of Europe by lying down and dying. You fought back against Angelus and became stronger for it. Fight now, be stronger. Don't let her defeat you. If you die today, she wins. You didn't deserve the way she treated you. You have a greater capacity for love than any other creature I've ever met. Don't let her take that away from you. Think about Dawn. She needs you. Don't break her heart." Giles said desperately.

Spike's dark blue eyes stared sightlessly past Giles showing no indication that he'd heard anything being said to him.


	4. Hide And Seek

Hide And Seek

Disclaimer: Same as before.

Summary: Spike's still not there, time for a little hide and seek.

Reviews: Yes, please, they rock my world and inspire the muse. Reviewers RULE!

A/N: This little mental vacation is lasting longer than I thought it would. What a stubborn little vampire he can be.

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Dawn sat on the sofa watching television with Xander again. He was unusually quiet. After his 'chat' with Spike, he'd seemed upset and tense. She gave him her patented glare and demanded he talk.

"What's wrong with you? What did Spike tell you?" She questioned.

Xander drew her into a hug. "He'll tell you when he's ready. For now let's just forget about it. Okay? Please?" He looked at her with pleading in his dark brown eyes.

She realized the seriousness of the request so she gave in without further fussing. She realized with a grin that it was time for her nightly talk with Spike. Giving the comedy on TV only half her attention, she waited for him to open the link. And waited. An hour later she as still waiting and getting more upset by the second.

"Are you sure he was okay when you talked to him last night?" She demanded.

"Yes, I'm sure. I don't know why he hasn't linked yet. Maybe he's busy." Xander told her.

She hit him in the arm. "He's never too busy to talk to me." They both jumped when the phone rang. Xander was closest to it and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Xander, I'm so glad you answered." Giles said with relief.

"G-man, what's up? We were just sitting here wondering what was keeping Captain Peroxide. He's late for his nightly chat." Xander tried for light-hearted but failed miserably.

There was silence on the overseas line for long seconds. "That's the thing. Spike won't be contacting Dawn tonight."

"Really? And why would that be?" Xander tried to keep all hint of concern from his voice, failing miserably.

Giles cleared his throat. "Spike went into severe catatonia yesterday. Dealing with Buffy's treatment of him overwhelmed him to the point that he withdrew completely. It's the same as Buffy was when Glory took Dawn although he seems to have retreated even further than she did. Willow had no trouble reaching Buffy. The telepaths here at the coven have been trying to reach him but so far haven't been able to. We may have to bring Dawn here but I would like to spare her seeing him like this if it can be avoided."

Xander closed his eyes. "Oh, God. This is my fault."

"Don't ever say that. He had to deal with it sooner or later. We just have to try to pull him out of it. The longer he stays catatonic the less chance he has of coming back." The former watcher said.

"How did this happen? He seemed fine when we broke the link last night." Xander was puzzled.

"I called him and he hung up on me so I came to see him. I made him face the trauma Buffy had inflicted on him. Dear God, Xander, he's a master vampire, the Slayer of Slayers, part of the Scourge of Europe. His name invokes fear in the Watcher's Council. He's one of the most powerful wizards known to exist and he was on his knees begging me to make it stop hurting. He begged me to stake him and I refused. I just... couldn't." The words were increasingly unsteady, Giles sighed heavily. "Then he collapsed."

Xander was silent with shock. "Oh God." It was all he could think of to say.

"I don't know what to do." Giles sounded defeated by his situation.

"What about Angel? He and Spike have some sort of connection thing. Have you called him?" Xander wanted to know.

"They don't seem to be on speaking terms at the moment. Because of Spike and Buffy's, for want of a better word, relationship." Giles explained why he hadn't called the master vampire about his Childe.

"Gotcha. So how can we help?" Xander asked. He had a teenager pounding on his arm to get his attention and find out what was going on. He slung the abused arm around her to still her actions.

"I'm not sure yet. I wanted to let Dawn know that Spike wouldn't be linking with her tonight. I don't know how much you should tell her. She might try contacting him." The former watcher suggested.

Xander gazed down at the teenager snuggled next to him wondering how he was going to explain this without destroying her relationship with her sister. "We'll try that. Do you want us to call you back?"

"Please. Use this number. It's Spike's room." Giles read off the number written on the new phone he'd had installed in Spike's room shortly after he'd realized the vampire wasn't coming around right away. Xander wrote it down and stuffed the number in his shirt pocket so Buffy wouldn't find it. That would be all they needed, Buffy calling Spike's room. They'd never get him back. They disconnected the call.

Xander turned to face Dawn. The fear was evident in her crystal blue eyes. "Dawnie, Spike won't be contacting you tonight." He said gently.

"Why? What's wrong with him?" She demanded.

Xander cleared his throat and looked down, unable to meet her gaze. "He's... ah... taking a little mental vacation. He and Buffy, they had a sort of relationship and she broke up with him. It hurt him a lot but he'd been denying it, to himself and everyone else. The pressure just kind of got to him and he retreated into himself. He's sort of... catatonic. Giles wants you to try to open the link from your side to see if you can reach him. They've had telepaths trying to get through to him but they can't."

Dawn looked at him in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. Spike was her big brother, her anchor. She couldn't loose him. She sat back and closed her eyes desperate to reach him. 'Spike.' There was no answer.

'SPIKE!!' She tried again, hoping her mental shriek would get through.

'Dawn.' The word was faint. She had to strain to catch it.

'Yes, it's me. You have to come back. I need you. Please.' She pleaded, tears running down her face.

'Niblet. I love you. I'm sorry.' Then the connection was severed.

"NO!!" She screamed both mentally and verbally.

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In England, Giles sat by the bed anxiously watching the motionless vampire. They had moved him from the floor to the bed. He'd let them lay him flat in the bed and cover him up although vampires didn't notice temperature changes. A fluffy pillow cushioned his platinum head. He hadn't moved since.

Giles was startled to see a single tear rolling slowly down the pale face. The sapphire eyes were still wide open and unfocused; there was no other sign that he was anything more than just a pale shell. He snatched the phone up before it could finish the first ring. He could hear Dawns sobs over the line.

"What happened?" He asked Xander.

"I'm not sure. She said she talked to him for a second. He said he loved her and he was sorry. Anything happen there?" Xander spoke softly so he wouldn't upset the crying teen further.

"I'm not sure. He hasn't moved, blinked or showed any other sign of life. There was one thing..." Giles trailed off.

"What? What thing? Come on throw us a bone." Xander's voice reflected his desperation.

The older man removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "A tear. Just one."

"Oh God." Xander breathed a prayer. "He's giving up. We have to find something to make him fight back."

"I know." Giles whispered. "But I don't know what. I don't know if he can hear me. I've been with him for over twelve hours and that tear was the first sign that I wasn't talking to a corpse."

"We have to think of something. But now I have get Dawn calmed down before Buffy comes home. I'll call you when I get home. Okay?" Xander told the older man.

"Yes, that will be fine. By all means take care of Dawn. I'll try to figure out what to try next." Giles said and hung up.

Walking over to the silent vampire, he shook his head. "Spike, you have to come back to us." He said as he sat in the chair he'd barely left in the last twelve long hours.

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In the depths of darkness, the essence of the vampire known as Spike drifted along aimlessly. His wanderings had been disturbed briefly by a female voice screaming his name. He'd responded but was uncertain as to just what he'd told her before drifting away again. Sadness had accompanied him when he'd drifted away from the girl but there was nothing he could do. Since he'd felt the hands moving him from the floor to the bed, he hadn't felt anything. Which was just fine with him, he'd had enough. He'd sat back and watched with little interest as the coven's telepaths attempted to contact him. Each time they'd gotten close to him, he'd backed away avoiding their efforts. He could hear the human who'd taken up residence at his bedside but could not generate enough interest to return to his body and respond.

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Xander had his hands full of sobbing teenager, desperately trying to calm her down before her volatile sister came home. "Dawnie, listen to me. You have to stop crying. Buffy will be home soon. You don't want her finding you all weepy do you? What will she think? She'll try to take it out on Spike again if she thinks he made you cry. Please calm down."

Suddenly she stopped crying and looked at him with anger in her eyes. "She did this to him didn't she? What did she do?" The tears were still damp on her face as she hissed the questions.

"She hurt him Dawnie. That's all I can tell you. I promised Spike I wouldn't tell anyone what she did. He just couldn't deal with it and took a little mental vacation. He'll be fine. We just need to figure out how to get him to fight back. Try to concentrate on that, what would make Spike mad enough to come back to us?" Xander tried to get her to focus her energy on getting her vampire back.

Unfortunately Buffy and Willow chose that moment to come home. They immediately started fussing over the upset teenager. Dawn shocked them both by repulsing their efforts.

"I don't know what you did to him but I'll find out and make you sorry." The teenager shrieked at her sister.

Buffy was stunned. "Did what to who him? Xander, do you know what she's talking about?"

The brunette avoided her eyes. "Um... Yeah, I do. I can't discuss it."

Dawn vibrated with rage. "If he doesn't come back, I'll never speak to you again. It's your fault this happened and I don't think I'll ever forgive you."

Buffy rounded on Xander again. "Is she talking about Spike?" She asked in outrage. Willow watched as her two best friends suddenly found themselves on opposite sides of an issue.

The slayer turned back to her sister. "Dawn, you have to understand. Spike's a vampire. Vampires can't love. They have no feelings. They're demons not humans. We're better off without him, he's an evil soulless thing who can't love."

"You're wrong." Dawn spat at her sister. "Spike does love. He loves me. He loved you. You hurt him. He ran away from Sunnydale to get away from you. You and everyone else who decided he wasn't worth having around as soon as you got back. He was good enough to move in here and take care of me while you were gone. He got a job to keep us afloat. He paid bills and did laundry. He was here more than anyone else ever has except Mom. You're not even here for me, when you are here, you're not here. Its like you resent being back and you took it out on him. I don't know exactly what you did to him but instead of dealing with it, he's catatonic. Are you proud of yourself? You destroyed him. Happy now?" Tears pouring down her face again, she turned and ran up to her room slamming the door behind her.

Willow turned to Xander. "What is she talking about? Spike's catatonic? When? How?"

Xander bent his head. "About twelve hours now. He was forced to face his feelings about Buffy and he just fried. Shut down completely. And no, I'm not telling you where he is." He said as he saw Willow open her mouth to ask more questions. "In fact, I'm not saying anything else."

He looked at Buffy and saw her expression. The one that lately was guaranteed to annoy him. The one that said 'I'm right, you're wrong so don't piss me off, I'm the slayer'. He reconsidered.

"Well maybe, just one more thing. I know why Spike's catatonic and all I can say is that if it had been me, I would have eaten a bullet weeks ago. I don't know how he lasted this long. He does have feelings and you stomped all over them. He loved you and you used him." He looked into Buffy's stunned green eyes.

"I don't think I can be here right now. You and Willow are my best friends and I love you both. But, Buffy, I don't like you very much right now." He kissed Willow's cheek and went to the door. Turning back he looked at the redhead. "Tell Dawn I'll call her tomorrow." He slammed the door behind him. Pausing on the front porch, he wiped the tears from his eyes so he could see to drive home.

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A small bed was installed in the corner of Spike's room so Giles could get some rest. He caught a few hours of restless sleep hoping to hear some noise, any noise, from his roommate. A young witch brought him some hot tea and breakfast as soon as he got up. He sat back down in the bedside chair and scanned the pale form for any change. The vampire was just as still, cold and pale as he'd been when he collapsed. He was beginning to show the effects of not feeding in the dark circles beginning to form under the dark blue unseeing eyes. It spooked the former Watcher to see Spike's eyes so glassy and sightless. He'd never realized how expressive the sapphire eyes had been until there was no expression in them. He couldn't recall ever seeing the exuberant vampire so still. He was used to Spike being in constant motion and the noise the young man could make. He shook his head with a slight smile. How one pale slender vampire could make so much noise had baffled Giles more than once. The exception being the week Spike had stayed with him when heartbreak had kept him quiet. But right now, he would give almost anything to hear just a little of that noise.

He sipped his second cup of tea as he thought about Xander's phone call earlier. It seems that long overdue confrontations with the slayer had taken place and the young man was preparing for his second night of drinking to ease the pain. The former Watcher hoped that Xander would realize that nightly drinking wouldn't solve anything.

Giles looked up from his musings to see the high priestess enter the room silently. Her ageless face was saddened to see her most unusual student lying there so still. She'd become fond of the young wizard in the time he'd been there and she knew his destiny was far too important to let him slip away like this.

"Has there been any change at all?" She asked.

"There was a single tear this morning when Dawn tried to link with him. But other than that, nothing." Giles told her quietly.

She nodded her silver head. "At least we know he's still in there somewhere. We must find a way to reach him. The telepaths have had no success?"

He shook his head. "They can't seem to find him. One of them said it felt as if he were hiding from them."

She smiled softly. "He would never make it easy for us would he?"

A reluctant chuckle broke free. "He doesn't believe in easy. That's for sure."

She sobered. "You must find something to make him mad enough to fight. He must come back. Call his Sire."

Giles objected. "His Sire is angry with him. He won't help."

She inclined her head. "Your young friend with the unusual name should be the one to call. He can tell the older vampire more. He needs to let Angel know what his Childe has been through. He doesn't know how his young one has suffered. Angel loves the slayer but his Childe is family, family comes first."

Giles remembered how fast Angel had responded when Spike had withdrawn after Buffy's death. And the way he'd raced up from LA after being unable to link with Spike during his panic attack. Could the elder vampire overcome his jealousy to once again help his Childe? Would the antagonism between the two be the catalyst needed to drive the younger vampire from his mental exile? Worse yet, would Angel's presence cause Spike to retreat so far into himself he could never find his way back?

She noticed Giles's hesitation. Placing a slender hand on his arm, she drew his attention. "This is a war. We are fighting for Spike's survival. We must use every weapon at our disposal. Angel is what could be referred to as our big gun. He can reach Spike as no one else can. He must be called." She left Giles to consider her advice.

Rupert turned his gaze back to the still form on the bed. "Since I met you, my life has been far from boring. You are coming back, whether you want to or not. You need to fight. And I know just who can make you do it." Quickly calculating the time difference, he decided that if Xander wasn't up yet he should be so he picked up the phone and dialed the number before he changed his mind.

"Hello? It's really early so this better be good." Xander answered his phone sleepily.

"Xander. It's Giles. I need you to call Angel." The older man said.

"I thought you said they were on the outs and that Deadboy wouldn't help." Xander yawned.

"The high priestess said we have to call Angel. He's the only one who can reach Spike now. You have to tell him what happened to Spike. All of it. What made him leave and what made him collapse. Just call him, we need him to at least try. Have him call me if he gives you any argument." Giles instructed.

"Okay. I'm on it." Xander got up and carrying his cordless phone, wandered into the kitchen to make coffee.

"Thanks Xander. Call me after you talk to Angel." Giles said, relieved.

"Will do." Xander hung up and went to look for the number for AI. Finding it, he dialed it. It took him a long time to convince Angel Spike really needed his help. He had to relive once more Buffy's treatment of the younger vampire. Giving Angel the number for Spike's room he suggested the older vampire call and verify what he was saying.

Xander immediately called Giles and gave him an update. He confirmed he'd given Angel the phone number and told the former Watcher that Angel would be calling soon. Then he called in sick to work.

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In LA, Angel hung up the phone after his long conversation with Xander. Contrary to what Spike thought, Angel hadn't completely severed their bond. He closed his eyes and opened the Childe/Sire link. Spike wasn't there. He couldn't sense his Childe anywhere. Fear shivered down his spine. Had Buffy really been that cruel to Spike? He studied the number Xander had given him. It was a London number. When had Spike gone to London? Had he really gone to live in a coven? Something drastic had to have happened for Spike to willingly leave Dawn. Which made what Xander had told him seem frighteningly true. He picked up the phone and dialed the number in front of him. He wasn't overly surprised when Giles answered the phone although Xander had said was it Spike's room.

"Rupert. Is he really catatonic?" Angel asked.

"Yes. He's just not there. The telepaths can't even reach him. We need you to reconnect your bond with him and find him." Giles removed his glasses and rubbed his weary eyes.

"I have to be closer to him. I can't reach him from here. I've already tried it. How do I get there?" Angel explained quietly.

"I'll get the high priestess to teleport you." Giles said. They hung up and Giles made the call to arrange for Angel's arrival. He was sitting quietly, reading one of Spike's books when he heard Angel walk in. Because it was a vampire's home, he didn't need an invite to enter. The dark vampire walked over and sat on the foot of the bed. His brown eyes took in the sight of his Childe, his energetic, exuberant, unlife-loving Childe, lying there so still and pale.

"I haven't seen him so quiet in over a century. Are you sure we have to wake him up?" Angel joked softly.

Giles smiled as he set the book aside. "Yes. I'm sure. We have to. It has been peaceful. But I find I miss the noise."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Angel admitted ruefully. "How did we get to this point? What made him retreat so completely? Seeing him like this makes me believe Xander wasn't lying. It's something Will would do. Let Buffy do anything she wanted just so he could be close to her. He'd do anything for just a crumb of affection, attention, anything but be ignored. He always hated to be ignored." He said almost absently.

"I had noticed that he's very hard to ignore." Giles commented.

Angel smiled. "He is that." A bit of Irish brogue began to show in Angel's speech, an indicator of how upset he actually was. "Now, let's see how much I can piss off my boy, eh?"


	5. Fighting Back

Fighting Back

Disclaimer: A little more fun, but still not mine. More fun than pocket lint.

Summary: Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Reviews: Yes, Please. Reviews rock. Thanks to all the great people who take the time. Muse loves you.

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Angel's smile widened just a little. His eyes grew colder and his face hardened. A chill chased down Giles's spine. He's seen this before. Horror filled his eyes seconds before the blow knocked him unconscious.

Angel caught the older man before he could hit the floor. He eased the limp body into the easy chair. He picked up the phone and dialed quickly.

"Are you ready? Good. Do it now." He hung up and dialed again.

"I'll be ready in a few seconds. Thanks for your help... Yes, I'll call you when it's over." The dark vampire hung up again and scooped his catatonic Childe up into his arms. He knew he had to be touching Giles for this to work so he stood with his leg snug against the unconscious Watcher and braced himself. The three of them disappeared.

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Buffy answered the door at her home but didn't see anyone there. She shrugged and turned to walk back into the house. She felt a sting seconds before she collapsed. She was carried out to a waiting van and her assailant went into the house. Dawn was carried out a few minutes later, then Willow. The mysterious van drove away.

Xander closed his door and turned to go to the store. He never saw who hit him. His limp form was added to the three already in the van.

The van pulled up to an apparently abandoned mansion. If the Scoobies had been conscious they would have recognized the place. The Scoobies were carefully carried into the house and the van stashed in the garage behind the house. The mysterious group secured the unconscious captives in the living room, making sure the young people could not get loose but would not get hurt. Their orders were clear. No one was to be injured... yet.

Angelus appeared with his unaware burden. Giles was caught before he could hit his head on the floor and secured with his 'children'. The master vampire looked at his minions and approved of their handiwork. Spike was eased into an overstuffed chair. Making sure the blond would remain upright, the older vampire backed up and checked everything again. With a wave of his hand he indicated the others should get out of sight. He didn't want the Scoobies waking up and seeing them. Sitting down, he waited.

He didn't have to wait long. Giles was the first to wake up. He looked around with dawning horror. His gaze landed on the vampire sitting across from him waiting patiently. The former Watcher knew from experience that Angelus had unlimited patience. The coldness in the watching brown eyes, the posture of the large body and the room in which they were being held all told Giles that they were now dealing with Angelus, not Angel.

An evil smile found its way across Angelus's face. "It's about time you woke up, Rupert." He spoke softly. The tone in his voice chilled Giles to the bone. "I wonder when your little friends will join you. I don't want to wait much longer to have my fun."

Giles struggled futilely against his bonds. He knew before he started he wouldn't be able to get free but he had to try. Xander moaned somewhere to his left and he could hear Dawn starting to come around. Giles closed his eyes as he realized that they were all in Angelus's clutches and they had little hope for rescue. The vampire looked at his captives, happy to see them starting to revive. He looked off to the shadows.

"Buffy's not going to wake up anytime soon, is she?" He asked someone standing out of sight. Apparently receiving the answer he wanted, he smiled. "Good." He looked at Giles again. "You're sweet little slayer won't be joining us right away."

He got up and walked over to Xander. "Xander! So good of you to join the party." The vampire greeted the brunette with vicious glee.

"Angelus. What happened? Where's Angel?" Xander asked angrily.

"The Poof took a vacation. Much like old Spikey here. A little mental break from the tedium of being good. Ah, Dawnie, you're getting prettier all the time." The vampire caressed a finger down her cheek as her eyes fluttered open. He moved over to Willow. She glared at him over the gag in her mouth.

"Now, Willow, don't look at me like that. I know you're big with the mojo, so you're not allowed to say anything." An evil smile once more appeared when she glared at him mutely.

He clapped his hands together and rubbed them with wicked glee. "We're all awake, well except for Spikey and Buffy. Buffy cause I don't want her to be awake yet and Spike, he just isn't there at all."

He moved over to stand behind Dawn. He leaned over her shoulder to whisper in her ear. "Scream for me." Blue fire shot at him from her eyes as she clamped her lips closed, refusing his order. He laughed. "You don't have to scream out loud. Mentally will do just fine." He crooned. Confusion filled her eyes, followed by understanding. He vamped and leaned in again. "Don't let on." He whispered. Louder. "Now, scream for me." His fangs scraped her neck startling a scream from her.

Xander strained against his bonds. "Get away from her!" He yelled.

Sapphire eyes glimmered for a second. Pale slender fingers twitched then became still again.

Fear filled the teenager. She frantically opened her link to Spike. 'Spike!' She screamed mentally. 'Help me. It's Angelus. He's got us all. Please Spike. Come back. We need you.'

Spike's essence drifted closer. Something was wrong. He needed to do something. What? The girl was back. The one who'd made him sad. She was screaming something important.

Angelus opened his Childe/Sire link. 'Oh, Spikey. It's me. Angelus. I have some really yummy people here you need to wake up and snack on. Come on boy, you know you want to. No? Okay. Guess I'll start with Dawn.' Closing the link, he waited.

The fingers twitched again, clenching into a fist.

'Spike! Help me!' Dawn screamed as Angelus scraped his fangs against her neck again.

Xander struggled harder, desperate to get free and help Dawn. Willow watched helplessly as the vampire circled in front of the teenager. Still in full game face, Angelus moved over to Xander.

"You know you can't get free, boy. Why are you trying? There's no one who can help you. But...come to think about it. Struggle...please. The adrenaline will make you taste that much sweeter." The vampire taunted. He flicked at glance at the blond sitting across the room. Inwardly, he cheered when he saw the clenched fist. 'Just a little more.' He thought.

He moved over to stand in front of Buffy. She was still unconscious. His orders had been for her to be drugged so she wouldn't wake up until it was too late. But that didn't mean he couldn't have some fun. He circled around behind her and pulled her head to one side.

Dawn screamed again. Aloud this time. Another glimmer appeared in the deep blue eyes of the younger vampire. Giles struggled harder but was beginning to tire.

"Stop. You don't want to do this." Giles protested.

"Oh, don't I?" Angelus purred. "Look at my Childe. Look at what she did to him. She broke him. I need to do this." He licked the side of Buffy's neck. "Ahhh, she still tastes sweet."

The fear in the room was almost tangible. Angelus was enjoying the sweet scent. He opened his link with Spike again. 'What do you think my boy? Should I drain the Slayer dry or do you want me to save you some?' This time he could feel Spike's presence, the anger beginning to build in the younger vampire was heartening. 'What about sweet little Dawnie? Should I drain her or do you want her for yourself?'

Giles looked over at the younger vampire. He could see a difference in the eyes. There seemed to be a glint of anger sparking in the deep blue gaze. He noticed the clenched fist and saw with hope that Spike seemed to be coming back. Little flashes of lightening were beginning to shoot from the unfisted hand. He looked around to see if anyone else had noticed, all attention was still on Angelus who was now back behind Dawn. Her wide blue eyes were glazed with fear and she appeared to be trying to connect with Spike.

Spike's essence struggled to figure out why he had to help the sad girl. He knew he loved her and the realization that he had a promise to protect her snapped him back. He went into full game face and launched himself at his Sire. Rage fueling the first leap across the room, knocking Angelus away from the frightened teen.

Angel leapt up. Game face fading away as he faced his enraged Childe. "Spike! It's okay. It's me, Angel. I'm not Angelus. Tell him Dawn."

Snarling Spike advanced toward his Sire, anger clouding his vision. His Niblet had been in danger. The danger must be eliminated. His focus was on Angel, lightening sparking from his fingertips. He didn't notice the figure sneaking up behind him until the chain fell around his shoulders pinning his arms to his sides. Instinctively he tried to transport out of the trap but it was magically enhanced so he couldn't move. He growled in frustration.

The person holding the magical chain moved up behind Spike. "So this is Spike. Feisty little vamp, isn't he?" Gunn observed.


	6. Sometimes Plans Do Work, Then Again

Sometimes Plans Do Work, Then Again...

Disclaimer: See previous chapters and stay away from the pocket lint.

Summary: One pissed off vampire.

Reviews: Oh YES. Reviews rock my world and rule the muse (or is that rule my world and rock the muse, hmmm). Muse loves reviewers. All reviewers RULE.

A/N: Was rather proud of that last chapter, kinda made up for the one before that. Thank you for all the kind words.

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"Bloody Hell!! Let me go! Don't you see he's going to hurt them? LET ME GO!" Spike yelled frantically trying to free himself from the enchanted chain.

Gunn grinned at his captive. "Give it up. You ain't escaping this thing. Might as well calm down."

Giles jumped when he felt the ropes binding him loosen and fall away. Wesley put a hand on his shoulder to reassure him. "Dear Lord. This was a plan. A trick to make Spike mad enough to come back." He realized.

Wesley grinned. "Worked brilliantly, I'd say."

Cordelia freed Xander and moved on to Dawn. Fred timidly worked at Willow's bonds. Removing the gag first.

"You could have just asked." Willow glared at Angel.

"No, I couldn't. The fear had to be real. You all had to believe you were truly in danger for Spike's protective instincts to kick in. I had to concentrate on Dawn since she's the one he's most connected to." Angel smiled as Dawn, finally free, leaped on Spike. She wrapped her long legs around his waist and clamped her arms around his neck. He tried to hug her but his arms were still chained down. "Dawnie got it but I think I scared her enough that she didn't give it away."

Spike staggered under Dawn's assault. "I should bloody well stake you." He growled at his Sire, game face fading out. His legs buckled and the two tumbled to the floor. Gunn looked at Angel for confirmation and receiving the nod, released the chain. The elder vampire rushed to his Childe's side. He and Dawn helped the now-shaky blond back to the easy chair.

"Wes! We need that blood now." Angel instructed over his shoulder. The younger Watcher hurried over with the thermos they'd brought for Spike. Dawn steadied the thermos to keep Spike from spilling it with his shaking hands. After a few sips he lowered it and closed his eyes. After a short rest, he looked at Angel.

"You're evil." The blond grumbled.

Angel grinned. "Not today." His relief at his Childe's recovery shining in his eyes.

Gunn went over to release Buffy, making sure she was comfortable. She would be out for a while still and Angel had instructed that she be made comfortable as soon as possible. She moaned when he gently put a pillow under her head.

Spike glanced over when he heard the moan. His pale face going even paler at the sight of the Slayer lying unconscious. He turned his head so he wouldn't have to see her.

"Stay with me Spike." Dawn whispered.

"Not going anywhere, Bit." He whispered back. "Just can't look at her yet is all."

She tipped the thermos back up and made him drink some more of the red liquid so vital to his survival. Xander and Willow supported each other as they went to the old sofa to sit down. Wesley helped Giles over to another easy chair and checked his lump to make sure he wasn't bleeding from the blow Angel had given him. Angel motioned to Fred and Cordelia.

"Get them something to drink please." The girls nodded and went into the other room to bring in the cooler they'd prepared in advance.

Wesley gave Giles a conspiratory glance and pulled a silver flask from his pocket, offering the older man a sip of scotch. Giles accepted the alcohol gratefully. He'd had an extremely stressful two days. Spike's sensitive nose picked up the scent of the spirits.

"Hey, Watcher, gonna share that?" He wanted to know.

Wesley grinned. "Well, if I must." He said bringing it over and offering Spike a shot.

Angel stood up and walked over to the sofa where Xander and Willow were sipping colas. He knelt down. "Are you two okay?" He asked gently.

"No thanks to you. I never liked you, you know." Xander sputtered.

Willow patted his arm. "It's okay, Xander. He didn't intend to harm us. If he did, he would have."

Xander glared at Angel. "Maybe, but still..."

Cordelia wandered over. "Get over it. You were never in any danger." She selected a soda from the cooler and carried it over to Dawn, who was refusing to leave Spike's side.

Wesley moved back over to Giles. "Are you all right now?" The younger Watcher asked.

Giles nodded ruefully. "I should have guessed. I must have been more tired than I thought."

Wesley laughed. "He did play his part well. I would have been fooled if I hadn't been in on it."

Dawn sat on the arm of Spike's chair. He continued to sip from the thermos anxious to get his strength back so he could kick Angel's ass. He glanced up at the teenager. He reached up and grasped her hand. "Niblet, are you okay?" He rasped, his voice harsh from more than twenty-four hours of nonuse and then shouting. She gave his fingers a squeeze, happy his hands weren't shaking any more.

"I'm fine. What about you? Gonna stay with me this time? No more little mental vacations. Okay?" Dawn scolded. "Promise me."

He gave her a glare. "I promise." Knowing that his fate was sealed. He had to keep his promise. "Come here." Setting his thermos on a nearby table, he pulled on her hand dropping her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. She snuggled her head onto his shoulder contentedly. He laid his head on top of hers and closed his eyes. They didn't realize they were the center of attention.

Everyone was so busy watching Dawn and Spike no one noticed Buffy waking up until the outraged shriek split the air.

"Dawn! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING! Spike! Get your hands off my sister!" The slayer advanced on the two in the chair, only to be waylaid by Angel.

"No. Buffy. Leave them alone." Angel said sternly.

She glared at him. "What is going on here?" She demanded.

Giles came up next to Buffy and took her arm, leading her away. "What was going on here was a desperate plan to bring Spike back. He'd retreated so far into himself no one could reach him." He explained.

She sputtered in outrage. "But he's evil."

Angel put a finger under her chin and gazed into her eyes. Then he turned her head to look at the couple in the chair. Two pairs of blue eyes were trained on her fearfully. "Does he look evil to you?" Angel asked softly. Spike found it hurt to look at her. Flinching, he turned his face away, laying his head back down on the top of Dawn's brunette locks. He was so tired.

Buffy noticed the flinch, since when did Spike do that? He actually looked afraid for a moment. Dawn turned her face away from her sister and closed her eyes.

Buffy tried to wrench her chin from Angel's grasp but he wouldn't let her go. He forced her to acknowledge that Spike looked far from evil. She really looked at her sister and the vampire she was sitting on. Dawn was draped across Spike's lap with her head on his shoulder. He was resting his blond head on hers providing a stark contrast between his platinum curls and her chocolaty tresses. One of Spike's arms was wrapped around her shoulders and the other rested across her body so she was completely encircled by his embrace. An embrace that was both protective and loving.

Buffy bent her head. "No, he doesn't LOOK evil."

Willow, Xander and the AI team decided it would be prudent to move into the next room, leaving Giles and Angel in the living room to try to work through the problems with Buffy and her issues with Spike and Dawn.

Giles led Buffy over to the sofa and sat her down, taking a seat next to her. Angel brought over a chair and placed it in front of her. Both men waited for her to speak. She shifted uncomfortably under their steady gazes. Looking into their eyes, she could only see warmth and caring. She looked behind Angel at the couple in the chair across the room.

"How long have they been like that?" She asked softly.

Giles cleaned his glasses. "Like what?" He asked.

"All lovey and snuggly." She explained with a grimace.

"Since you died. Spike was Dawns anchor. His promise to protect her was the only thing keeping him from going for a walk at noon." Angel told her. "They needed each other. He moved into your house, got a job to support her and took over raising your sister when no one else could."

Giles replaced his glasses. "Spike was devastated when you died. He blamed himself. He and Dawn are closer than most siblings, but that is how they feel about each other, as brother and sister. Spike never would or could hurt Dawn. He loves her as much as he loved you." He said.

"He can't love. He's a vampire." Her protest was sounding weaker each time she said it.

Angel caught her gaze. "You don't believe that anymore. I'm a vampire and I can love."

She dropped her eyes. "But you have a soul." She muttered.

The dark vampire raised her chin and focused her eyes on him again. "And Spike never needed one to love. He never lost his ability to love. He's different."

Unnoticed, Spike had settled a sleeping Dawn in the easy chair and approached the trio discussing him. His trembling increased the closer he got to the slayer until he thought his bones would rattle from the tremors. He could do this he told himself. 'Just face her you ponce.' He thought to himself. Angel's head whipped around and Spike muffled a groan. The link was open.

Giles and Buffy both looked up at the blond standing a couple of feet away. He looked at the woman he'd loved with all his being. He took a deep unneeded breath and time seemed to stop while they waited for him to speak.

"Buffy." It was the first time he'd been able to say the name in over a month. "I loved you so much." He began. With that said, the dam was history and everything came pouring out.

"I loved you and you hurt me. You blew up my home and then you blew up my heart. You told me over and over that I was an evil, soulless thing and that I couldn't love. How dare you? Who made you the judge over who could or couldn't love? Hmmm? Did dying give you an all seeing view over who had feelings and who didn't?" He dragged a hand through his hair. Angel started to get up but stopped when Giles put a hand on his arm.

"Let him get it out." Giles said softly.

"It was wrong. I know that. What kind of vampire loves a slayer? How messed up is that?" Angel shot him an annoyed look but didn't interrupt. "But I couldn't help it. Since the first time you kissed me, Bloody Hell, even before that I was yours to do whatever you wanted. You're the one who jumped me. I just wanted to love you. But I was...what was it you said... oh yeah." A bitter laugh erupted. "convenient. If you had an itch, just go see Spike, he'll scratch it any way you wanted. Except gentle, never wanted gentle did you Slayer. Always with the violence and the pain. Don't get me wrong, now. Hello. Vampire. Really likes violence and pain. But there's only so much a man can take before he breaks, you know?" A tear slid down his face. "Only so much." He turned his back partly because he couldn't look at her any more, but mostly because he couldn't stand the tears he could see forming in her big green eyes.

"I...I didn't know." Buffy whispered.

Spike swung around. "You didn't WANT to know." He almost shouted. "I told you over and over. I loved you. You. Just. Didn't. Want. To. Know. Until that last day. You made me tell you. You made me SHOW you how much I loved and wanted you. You only wanted to hear it then because Soldier Boy had gone off and got himself married and you couldn't take it. He was supposed to suffer from loving you like the rest of us poor blokes fool enough to fall for you. Then you had the sodding nerve to tell me it was killing you? Killing YOU?" He laughed again. "You should have just staked me then, Luv. It would have been kinder." Fairly vibrating with rage he paced around the room.

Angel looked around his living room in dismay as small knickknacks started to explode. "Um, Spike." He began.

Spike rounded on him. "What?!"

Angel pointed at the debris on the mantle. "Calm down."

"Why the Bloody Hell should I...?" He looked around the room. "Oh, right. Sorry." He waved his hand and all Angel's possessions were restored.

Buffy's mouth dropped open. "That was... you just... how did you do that?" She stammered.

Giles cleared his throat. "No one told you? Spike, you didn't tell her?"

"Tell me WHAT?" Buffy demanded.

"I'm a wizard, Luv. A thumping good one, once I've trained up a bit." Spike paraphrased one of his favorite books.

"How long...?" She stopped.

"A very long time." Angel said.

"Don't change the subject." Spike yelled.

"Too late." Buffy answered. "Can someone please tell me what is going on?"

"I WAS telling you, you twit. I want you to know what you did to me! You destroyed me, I finally got a little peace then I had to go and remember what you did and I fried. I went away and wasn't coming back. The Watcher and the Poof here decided that couldn't happen so I guess Peaches here devised a little plan to piss me off. Well it worked and I'm pissed." Spike started pacing again and once more Angel's things started to go pop.

"SPIKE!" Angel roared.

"WHAT?" Spike yelled back.

"Stop breaking my stuff." Angel waved his arms around indicating the broken items.

"Oh, bugger this." Spike waved his hand and restored Angel's possessions again. "If anyone wants me I'll be in my crypt." He went over and kissed Dawn's forehead, whispered in her ear then vanished.

Angel looked at the spot where his Childe disappeared. "Damn, I knew I should have kept the chain on him."


	7. Making Amends

Making Amends

Disclaimer: Not mine, never were.

Summary: Dances, apologies and tears.

Reviews: Yes, PLEASE. Reviewers rock. Thanks to all prior reviewers, you guys are the best!

A/N: These people never tell me what they're going to do in advance so I just let them out and they do what they want.

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Spike had forgotten how bad his crypt looked. With a wave of his hand every bit of destruction was eliminated. His bed returned to its prior pristine condition. He'd missed his red and black satin sheets. He shucked his clothes and crawled into the cool satin comfort. The emotional upheaval had wiped him out. A final thought occurred to him and he concentrated for a moment. A wicked smile crossed his face. No one was going to be able to enter his crypt. Secure in that knowledge, he was asleep in seconds.

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Back at Angel's mansion, the elder vampire glared in frustration at the spot where Spike had disappeared.

Buffy laughed. "Are you telling me that Spike can teleport?" She asked.

"He calls it transporting and yes he can. Damn it." Giles answered ruefully.

Lured by Buffy's laughter, Willow and Xander came in followed closely by Angel's crew. With Fred shyly bringing up the rear.

Wesley looked around. "Where did Spike go?"

"Back to his crypt." Angel grumbled.

"Man, you let him get away?" Gunn asked in disbelief.

"Well, there really wasn't any way to stop him. I knew I should have kept the chain on him." Angel repeated.

Xander went over to check on Dawn. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "I'm good." Then she beamed. "He's back. Did you see?"

Xander smiled back at her. "Yeah, I saw. Just a little pissed wasn't he?"

Dawn snickered. "That's an understatement."

"What's he doing now?" Xander whispered.

She closed her eyes for a second. "Sleeping." She whispered back, then noticed Angel looking her way. She stuck her tongue out at him, still not happy with him for scaring her that way. Even if it did get Spike back, it was just rude. The dark vampire got up and walked toward Xander and Dawn.

"I'm sorry, I had to do it. Spike wouldn't have ever come back." He apologized.

"I understand." Dawn said grudgingly.

"He's sleeping." Angel observed and closed the link so he wouldn't wake him up.

"Yeah, I know." Dawn told him.

"Are you okay?" Angel asked her.

She nodded. "I'm fine. And thanks for getting him back."

Angel grinned. "My pleasure. It was kind of fun."

She smacked him on the chest. "You scared me."

Angel tried to look repentant. "I'm really sorry."

Xander stepped between the two so they wouldn't get any more physical. "I'm hungry. Being scared half to death tends to do that. What say we go find some dinner?" He said after checking his watch and noting that it was early evening. "How about the Bronz? I don't know about the rest of the adults but I could use a drink."

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Spike woke up from his nap refreshed and ravenous. He made himself a mug of blood and downed it quickly. He really wanted something more. Now that he was back in Sunnyhell he realized he'd really missed the onion flowers they served at the Bronz. He created himself some clean clothes and got dressed. Sitting on the edge of the bed to put his shoes on, he closed his eyes and opened a link. He had three of them now, imagine that, he thought. 'Whelp.' He sent.

At the large table the group had commandeered, Xander jumped then went really still. 'Yeah, I'm here, what's up?' He answered. Not noticing the suspicious glances coming his way.

'Where's Dawn? For that matter, where is everyone?' Spike asked.

'We're all here at the Bronz. We got hungry.' Xander told him. 'Come join us.'

Spike smiled. 'Was hankering for an onion flower, be there in a minute.'

'Great, I'll order for you.' Xander told him.

'Some wings too, okay, Mate?' Spike added.

'You got it.' The young man answered.

Spike closed the link and finished putting his shoes on, there were still some things he did without magic. He looked around for his duster. Damn, where did he leave the thing? He shrugged and held out his hand, the lost item appeared and he smiled in satisfaction. Magic could be really handy he thought. Putting on his coat, he checked to make sure he had smokes and vanished.

Xander had just finished giving the order to the waitress when Spike walked up to the table. The petite server looked at the blond vampire and grinned. "I should have known this order was for you. I'll get you a beer." She told him and left to fill the order.

"Thanks, Pet." Spike smiled after her.

Everyone scooted over on the bench to make room so Spike could sit next to Dawn. He peeled off his duster and took his place, slinging an arm around her shoulders.

Smiling down at her, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Are you okay, Bit?" He asked softly.

"I'm good." She said. "How about you? Are you okay? Not still pissed are you?"

He shook his head. "Not so much any more. They really shouldn't push me though." He added in a mock whisper. Earning a conspiratorial smile from her. He looked up as the server placed his beer in front of him. "Thanks."

Spike looked around the table amazed that they were all together and not squabbling. He mentally checked off each one as he looked at them. There was Cordelia, Angel, Buffy, Giles, Wesley, Xander and Willow. Sitting in that order around the table. Next to Willow was a large black man Spike had never seen before and next to him sat a small woman with very long dark hair. She was next to Dawn. Spike gave her a smile and she hid her face in the shoulder of the man next to her. They were occupying the largest booth in the place and still had an extra table pulled up to accommodate them all. They were in various stages of intoxication. With Wesley and Giles being the most sober of the adults and Dawn drinking soda. There were plates of food sitting around letting Spike know that they were way ahead of him.

His order arrived and he tucked into it as if he hadn't eaten for days, which, he reflected, he hadn't.

Dawn realized that Spike didn't know two of their group and introduced him to Gunn and Fred. Spike had been amused the pretty little woman was named 'Fred'. He remembered Gunn's voice as belonging to the guy who'd chained him earlier. He assured the other man that there were no hard feelings. He returned to his food, listening to the conversations around him. Buffy and Angel were discussing 'him' of all things so he blocked out their voices. Giles and Wesley were talking about some centuries old book that one of the two had acquired. Xander and Willow were talking to Gunn and Fred about some place Fred had been called Pylea. It sounded as if she'd gone through hell there and he was happy they'd gotten her out.

Spike sat back as he finished the last of his onions. He'd missed that in England. Sure, he could create them at will but somehow it wasn't the same as at the Bronz. There was a lot he'd missed while he was gone not the least of them was his Little Bit. He knew he'd be returning to the coven for just a little longer but now he felt he could come back without causing himself extreme psychological damage. It had been easier than he'd thought to tell Buffy how he felt but he still needed some distance, for a while.

His musings were interrupted by his Sire's voice. "Spike." Angel called.

"What?" He was still a bit annoyed with his Sire for scaring his friends even though he realized there'd been a good reason.

"What are you going to do now? Are you staying here or going back to England? You can come to LA if you want." Angel asked.

Spike's gaze drifted against his will to the petite blonde next to his Sire. She was staring at him as if she'd never seen him before. He closed his eyes, blocking the sight of her. He turned his head slightly, missing the hurt look that crossed Buffy's face. He hugged Dawn closer to him and thought about his answer.

"I need to go back to England for a while. I still need a little space." He finally said. Several people at the table erupted in protests. Buffy just sat there with tears beginning to well up in her green eyes.

"Hey!" Spike raised his voice to overcome the clamor brought on by his announcement. "I won't be gone forever. I just have a couple more months of study to get through."

Xander let out a choked laugh. "You STUDY?"

Spike glared at him. "Yes, I study. I read, write and make magic. Want to see some?"

Xander sobered and thought about it for a second before shaking his head. "Think I've seen enough, thanks."

Spike smirked. "Good choice." A familiar song began and Spike got up. He took Dawn's hand and let her out to the dance floor, leaving the others to protest in their absence. She looked up at him.

"Did you see Buffy's face?" She asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, I did."

"Think she's changed her ways?" Dawn questioned.

"Don't know, Bit. Can't afford to care right now." He gazed down at her, letting her see the hurt still in his eyes. She nodded her understanding and snuggled her head into his shoulder and enjoyed the slow dance.

Spike glanced at the table and noticed that there were still protests being voiced with Giles attempting to explain Spike's reason for going back to the coven. He sent a look toward the band and a second slow song began. He kept dancing as if he hadn't influenced the selection of the current song. Dawn sent a smiling glance up at him.

"We can't stay out here forever." She stated.

"Yeah, I know, damn it." He answered and smiled. As soon as the song ended, they wandered back over to the much quieter table.

Before they could sit down, the clamor began again with several people firing questions as the bemused vampire. "Didn't know you all cared." He observed. He whispered in Dawn's ear and then extended a hand toward Fred. "Care to dance?" He asked quietly, charming the shy girl with his smile.

"O...okay." She stammered and slid out of the booth. Buffy followed the actions with unreadable eyes.

Spike ensured another slow dance was playing so he could talk to the pretty female in his arms. "How are you adjusting to being back in this dimension?" He asked quietly.

"Okay, I guess." Fred answered in her small voice.

He smiled down at her. "I won't bite you know." He assured her.

She grinned suddenly. "I know. Angel told me all about the chip they put in your head. I would love to take a look at it to see how it works and maybe deactivate it. I'm a physicist you know." She said quietly.

Spike looked at her in surprise. "A pretty little thing like you? A physicist?" He asked.

She glared up at him. "What? A girl can't be a physicist?"

He chuckled. "No more surprising than a vampire who's a wizard. Besides, the only physicists I ever saw were old geezers not fit to bite." He teased.

She thought about that for a moment. Then smiled. "You're right. Now, how about that chip? Want me to fix it?"

Spike bent his head to her ear. "Can you keep a secret?" She nodded. "It doesn't work any more." He gazed down at her to see her reaction.

She only displayed interest. "Really?" He nodded. "How did you do that?" She asked in her Texas accent.

He shrugged, happy she hadn't freaked. "The magic zapped it." She nodded in understanding. The song was winding down. "Want to go back to the table?" He asked, hoping she'd say no. He was enjoying himself immensely, not caring about the glares they were getting from the others. She shook her head without saying anything more. He spared a glance at the band and they began yet another slow song.

Reactions at the table were varied. Gunn was glaring at the couple with a tinge of jealousy.

Giles was checking Buffy's reaction to seeing her former lover in the arms of another woman. The hurt in her eyes pained him but he admitted to himself she'd asked for it.

Wesley was bemused. He'd been attracted to the pretty little Texan from the start but felt it would have been improper to say anything. Now he was kicking himself for being too shy to speak up.

Dawn was pleased to see her brother enjoying himself and watched them dance with a sappy smile on her face.

They returned when the song ended. Spike observed the varying degrees of hostility and curiosity that he was receiving. Smiling, he held a hand out. "Why am I the only one asking these pretty ladies to dance? What's wrong with you guys, too shy to go out and be seen with these lovelies?" He baited the other men at the table. He bowed to Willow. With a smile, she slid out of the booth and joined him for the fast song he'd allowed to slip through. With good-natured smiles, the other males started asking the ladies to dance. It wasn't long before they were enjoying themselves and began swapping partners during the faster songs. It was inevitable that Spike would find himself with an armful of Slayer.

As fate would have it, she landed in his arms just as a slow song began. Buffy stiffened and started to go back to the table but his arms involuntarily tightened, preventing her escape. Everyone there with them watched tensely, expecting fireworks. Angel started to go to the couple but was stopped by Cordy, Giles and Dawn. Xander hovered close by, ready to intervene if needed.

"Let me go." She asked quietly. He shook his head silently.

"I can't." He told her. He looked down at her, every feeling he'd ever had reflected in his dark blue gaze. She stared into his eyes, uncertain how to react.

"Spike." She began.

"Yes?" He prompted.

"I'm sorry." The apology was spoken so softly if he hadn't been a vampire, he wouldn't have heard it.

"For?" He wasn't going to let her off so easily.

"For everything, I guess. For blowing up your crypt, for hurting you, just... for everything." She repeated.

Spike smiled sadly. "Why?"

Buffy looked up at him, puzzled. "Why what?"

He held her gaze. "Why are you sorry? Is it because that's what the Watcher and Peaches told you to say or because you really are?"

For a second, he thought she would react the old way and punch him in the nose before running off. He was pleasantly surprised when she resisted the impulse. She sagged into his arms in defeat.

"I was sorry as soon as you disappeared. I never meant to hurt you. I didn't think it was possible. I was wrong and I'm sorry." She muttered into his chest.

He heaved a deep unneeded breath. "I wish I could say I forgive you but it would be a little too soon. I still have some issues to work through. But, thank you for saying it. It does mean a lot." He said gently. "I still love you but I can't stay here and I can't go back to what we had. It destroyed me and I can't do it again." He could feel her tears start to soak into his dark blue shirt. "Shhhh. Don't. I'm not worth crying over, regardless of what the Bit says." He joked softly. The song ended and he beckoned Xander over. With a few whispered words he transferred the weepy Slayer to Xander and left without another word to anyone.


	8. Explaining Things

Explaining Things

Disclaimer: These are all Joss's people, I just let them play in my little world. As long as they leave the pocket lint alone it's all good. I found some! In my black leather jacket of all places.

Summary: Spike vents yet again but who's the target this time?

Reviews: Oh yes. Please. Craving warm fuzzies. Muse love reviews. You guys all ROCK!

A/N: This chapter may come off as a little boring and it is woefully short but they just didn't want to go any farther. Spike wasn't joking when he said he still had issues. I just didn't realize who they were with until he was in mid rant. For those who are missing Tara, she will be making her appearance shortly. I haven't forgotten about her, she's going to play a big role soon. Anya isn't back from D'Hoffryn yet. Don't know if she'll come back and play or not. She hasn't decided.

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Spike made his way to the alley next to the Bronz and leaned against the wall waiting for the shaking to stop. He fumbled for a cigarette and cursed softly when he realized he'd left his duster inside. He made it appear and got out the much needed smoke, cursing again when he couldn't get the lighter to work, finally resorting to magic to get the smoke lit. Thumping his head against the brick wall, he heaved a huge sigh. He was such a ponce. He couldn't even dance with the girl without loosing it. Flicking his spent cigarette into the darkness he took off for the nearest cemetery. He felt a serious need for some violence.

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Back inside the Bronz, instead of taking Buffy back to the table, Xander led her into a dance. He held her close to give her time to compose herself. She looked up at him gratefully as they swayed to the music.

A sniffle escaped as he glanced down at her. "Are you okay? What did he say that made you cry?" Xander asked curiously.

"He said that he still loved me." She sniffled again. "But he couldn't go back to what we had. Not that I wanted to go back to that, it was wrong and destructful."

"No kidding." Xander muttered.

She glanced up at him. "What did you say?" She asked.

"Nothing." He evaded. "Buffy?" He asked.

"What?"

"Did you ever love Spike?" Xander questioned.

She was silent. He put a finger under her chin and forced her to meet his eyes. "Buffy. Do you love Spike?" He asked again.

"I don't know. I have feelings for him. But I don't know if it's love." She said. "How can you tell? How do you know when you truly love someone? I loved Angel. I think I still do but I don't want to be with him, you know, WITH him. I thought I loved Reilly but when he came back all married, I wasn't as hurt as I thought I should be and I kinda took it out on Spike. I know he loved me, Spike that is, but I couldn't let myself love him back. I couldn't stand the thought that he could hurt me. That he could break my heart, but I think I broke it all by myself by being so awful to him. I was sorry for what I'd done after he left but by then it was too late and he was already gone. Just like all the others. I thought that if I kept him at an emotional distance that it would hurt less when he finally left. But it hurt more."

Xander studied her for a minute. "I don't understand why you beat him up so much."

She looked ashamed. "Because he said he tried not to love me. That he didn't want those feelings. Like loving me was so horrible he couldn't wait not to. But I told him to try harder. I told him he was an evil disgusting thing that I could never love. I'm not even sure I meant it. I tried to continue to believe he couldn't love, that he had no feelings." She said softly. "After he was gone, I missed him so much. I shut out everyone because it hurt more than it was supposed to. Is that love?" She gazed up at him with teary green eyes.

"I think so Buffy. I think so." Xander held her close.

The dance ended and they went back to the table. Angel and Giles wanted to question Buffy about her conversation with Spike but one look from Xander stalled their efforts before they could start.

Fred raised her hand shyly. "I have a question. Um... Xander? How did you know what to order for Spike? I've been wondering 'cause you did it before he got here. How did you know?"

Xander glanced around at his companions. Buffy, Cordy, Wes, Gunn and Willow looked curious. Dawn, Giles and Angel knew but seemed to be waiting for Xander to try to explain. Fred just waited patiently for her answer.

He cleared his throat. "Well, see, Willow is a witch and her magic allows her to telepathically communicate with other people. Spike, being a wizard, can do the same thing. He contacted me to find out where we were and when I told him, he asked me to order for him." He explained.

Fred smiled widely. "That's so cool. I never knew anyone who could do that."

Cordy yawned and grimaced. "It's been a really long day. I'm not used to all this kidnapping and stuff so I want to go to the motel and sleep til noon."

Everyone was agreeing with her when Dawn noticed that Spike hadn't come back to the table. She also noticed his duster was gone. "Xander?"

"Yeah, Dawnie?"

"Where's Spike?" She asked.

"He said he needed a little break and that he'd be back but that was quite awhile ago. So I don't know where he went. I know he went outside. But I thought he'd be back by now." Xander was starting to babble, as he tends to do when all attention is on him, which it was, again.

Dawn sat back and opened her link to Spike. 'Spike?' She could hear sounds of fighting as he answered.

'Niblet, can't talk right now. Nest of vamps. Having some fun. See you soon.' He closed the link before she could get in another thought.

Her pale face attracted Angel's attention. "What's wrong?"

"Spike's patrolling. He said he found a nest of vamps and that he was having some fun. But it didn't sound like fun to me. I think he needs help." Dawn told them. With that, most of the males started throwing money on the table to cover the check and the tip. Once everyone was outside Angel started issuing orders.

"Wes, you and Giles take Willow, Cordy, Dawn and Fred back to Buffy's house. Gunn, Xander, Buffy... come with me." He instructed.

Willow objected. "Let me come. I can use magic to help."

Buffy shook her head. "No, I need you safe. If we need magic we'll have Spike." She was checking for stakes as she spoke so she missed the look of anger on Willow's face. Giles noticed and worried.

Angel used his heightened senses to locate his wayward Childe. They found him in the middle of an all out battle with about fifteen vampires. Angel could tell that not all of them were fledglings and he felt a surge of anger at his stubborn Childe. They waded in and began dusting.

Spike landed a roundhouse kick to a skinny vamp sneaking up on him as he staked another one to his left. His senses registered Angel's presence about a second before he saw him, Buffy, Xander and Gunn start working on the perimeter of the group. Damn, he'd been having fun. But as he could see, he'd been seriously outnumbered. In another few minutes he would have had to resort to magic to keep from being dust himself. He shook off a fledge trying to attack him from behind as he noticed another one sidling up behind Xander.

"Harris! Duck!" He yelled as he sent a stake that way. Xander didn't hesitate; he dove just as the stake found its mark and the vampire exploded in a cloud of dust. Xander picked up the stake and shoved it into the chest of yet another vamp determined to make a snack out of him. In minutes the battle was over and the five of them were standing in the middle of multiple piles of dust. Gunn and Xander had each taken out two vamps with Buffy, Angel and Spike taking care of the rest. Angel, still in game face, grabbed Spike around the neck and shook him.

"What were you thinking?" He yelled.

Spike vanished from Angel's hold, reappearing directly behind the older vampire. "I was just thinking that I would have to use a little magic to take care of them, but thanks for the help. What? Now you think I can't take care of myself? That I'm too dumb to realize when I need to resort to magic? You think I can't deal with a few fledges? Thanks for the vote of confidence, Peaches." He stomped off to lean on a tombstone and light a cigarette.

"Dawn was afraid you'd get hurt." Buffy told the blond vampire.

"I'm fine." He grumbled. "I was doing all right. Would have incinerated the little wankers in just a couple of minutes. Just needed to get in a little violence is all."

Angel walked over to Spike. "I keep forgetting about the magic. But you should have told us you were going to patrol."

Spike flung his cigarette away. "What? Now I have to report to you if I want to kill something? Oh, I don't think so. I haven't had to tell you anything in almost a hundred years. Ever since you got your sodding soul and went all broody. You abandoned us. You left me to take care of Dru all by myself and I did it. Did a damn good job of it too. But for every minute of those hundred years all Dru wanted was her 'Daddy'. You know, I'm getting really tired of being second best. Nothing I've ever done is good enough. Not for you, not for Dru and certainly not for Buffy. I'm sick of being the substitute for you. Even Buffy, every minute she was with me, she was wishing it was you. So sod off Angel. I don't need you. Just go back to LA and brood because you can't have the slayer without losing you're precious soul. I love her without a bleeding soul, can you?" He vanished back to his crypt leaving behind a shocked Sire, a teary slayer and two embarrassed humans who were wishing they were anywhere else.


	9. Thinking

Thinking

Disclaimer: Lost the pocket lint so I'm back to owning nothing.

Summary: Not a lot of action, lots of thinking. Sometimes thinking hurts the worst.

Reviews: Yes PLEASE. I've seen the numbers, I know you're reading please tell me what you think. Good or bad. Reviewers ROCK!

A/N: I know the last chapter wasn't the best but come on, only one review? Thank you sibling creature! I feel really unloved right now. This chapter doesn't have a lot of action. Have to set up for stuff that is coming up in future chapters. I thought Spike was doing better, guess I was wrong.

I had a revelation the other day, I realized that this is my little universe and I could do anything I wanted and didn't have to follow the series story line so where we go from here is anyone's guess. I promise things will heat up soon. Willow has issues that have to be dealt with and someone surprising will help Spike deal with his problems. Please keep reading and I'll try to make it worth the time.

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Once more Angel was left looking in frustration at the spot where his Childe had disappeared. "I have got to have that chain made into a necklace for him." He fumed.

Gunn and Xander looked at each other and just kind of melted away to let the slayer and the master vampire have some privacy. Xander led the way back to Buffy's house to let the others know that everything was okay and that Spike was fine.

Angel looked at Buffy. "Was he right? Did you wish it was me every time you and he were...?" He asked.

She found the ground very interesting. "Maybe, at first. But then it was about us. Just me and Spike."

Angel was astonished. "But why Spike? I mean its... SPIKE! Couldn't it have been anyone else?"

"No one else understood. No one else just let me be me. I couldn't go back to being the me I was before I died. They pulled me out of Heaven! And they expected me to be all okay with that. Spike didn't expect anything, he was just there for me whenever and however I needed. And I misused that. I hurt him. At the time I didn't believe he had feelings. I thought he was evil and soulless and couldn't love. But I was wrong. I began to have feelings for him. I don't know if it's love or what. I just know that when he left, I missed him. More than I thought possible. But I tried to convince myself I was okay with him being gone. But I wasn't and I can't even tell him." She finished sadly.

Angel took her in his arms. Mentally, he followed the link he'd opened as soon as he and Buffy had started talking. He could feel Spike sitting alone in his crypt trying to come to terms with what he'd heard. He'd tried to close the link, but one of the benefits of being the Sire was you could keep the link open regardless of the Childe's wishes. 'Will, are you okay?' Angel sent.

'Sod off.' Was the choked reply. This time Angel let him close the link.

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Wesley and Giles escorted the ladies to Buffy's house finding a distraught Tara in residence.

"Oh my God! Where have you been? I've been so worried! I was almost ready to try a locator spell. Giles! When did you come back from England? WHAT is going on?" Tara displayed an almost Willow-like babble.

Willow went over to comfort the blonde witch, gratified when her overture was not rejected. She, Giles and Dawn filled Tara in on the events of the past few days. Glossing over Buffy's apparent abuse of Spike, describing his breakdown and going into almost comic detail of Angel's foray into Angelus' persona. They ended their story with abject apologies for not calling her when they got to the Bronz. Tara accepted their apologies but seemed to be a little hurt that they had forgotten about her. She understood why she hadn't been taken with the others. As Cordy explained, the core Scooby gang was the target and if she had been with Willow at the time she would have been kidnapped as well. Tara was impressed with the lengths they had been willing to go to snap Spike out of his withdrawal.

Taking a seat on the sofa, Fred hung back and let the others tell the story. Lost in her thoughts, she was just a little overwhelmed by the sheer number of people. She hadn't been around so many people since before she'd fallen through the portal into Pylea. She was a bit bemused by all the fuss over the handsome vampire. She'd had the most fun helping with the whole kidnapping adventure. She had never suspected there were people like this in the world when she'd left Texas. Her years spent in Pylea were beginning to feel like an extremely long nightmare. She smiled to herself when she remembered the secret he'd trusted her with. Her respect for him grew even more when she realized that he had no soul to keep him from hurting people, he refrained by choice. Fred was beginning to realize how special Spike was and why these people were so willing to go to such great lengths to get him back. If she wasn't careful, she could really like the charming blond. Her musing was interrupted when she realized someone was speaking to her.

"Fred, this is Tara." Willow introduced the two.

"Hi, Tara." Fred said shyly.

"Hi, Fred." Tara replied just as shyly.

Fred noticed that at some point Wesley and the other, older man had gone into the dining room and were huddled over some old books. Cordelia and Dawn were sitting together chatting. Willow was sitting across from the sofa where Tara had just sat down.

"So." Fred began. "Do they always go to such lengths for someone? I mean I've seen Angel and the others do some amazing things for people but I never realized there was more just like them anywhere. Are they like this all the time?" She looked over at Tara as she spoke.

"Yeah, pretty much. They'll do a lot for someone they care about. Spike is pretty special. He helped me once by punching me in the nose." Tara smiled at the memory.

"He punched you? And that was helping?" Fred was astonished.

Tara giggled. "My family had brought me up to believe that I was a demon. Spike's chip hurts him if he hurts a human but not if he hurts a demon. He punched me in the nose, got a migraine from the chip and proved to my family that I wasn't a demon. That's not the only thing that he's done. He took care of Dawn while Buffy was gone. He got a job and pretty much supported all of us. So, yeah, we'll do a lot for Spike. He's one of a kind."

Fred nodded. "I thought Angel was one of a kind but Spike seems..."

Tara cut her off. "Never let either of them hear you comparing them." She looked solemnly at Fred, her big smoky blue eyes sparkling. "They're nothing alike." She finished. Then, "To hear THEM tell it." She added.

The brunette Texan giggled. "My word of honor, I will never compare them."

They looked up as Xander and Gunn entered the house. They were laughing. They had discovered that they had quite a bit in common on the walk back.

Dawn leaped up and attacked Xander. "Where's Spike? Is he okay?"

Xander fended off the teenage whirlwind. "He's fine. We got there in time to dust over a dozen vamps. He and Angel had a little tiff and he went back to his crypt. I'm sure he'll contact you. If not tonight then tomorrow."

Gunn nodded. "Yeah, I'd say that Bleach Boy has some serious issues to work out with Angel. Lotta hostility going on there."

Dawn smacked Xander on the arm. "Ow! What was that for?" He yelped.

"Teaching Gunn your dumb nicknames for Spike. That's what." She hit him again for good measure.

Giles and Wesley came in to see what all the noise was about. Xander told them about the vamp nest and the revelations they had witnessed.

"Spike was really letting Angel have it. Got a major case of inferiority happening in that peroxide head of his." Gunn observed.

"Oh dear." Giles murmured.

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Buffy and Angel walked slowly back to her house knowing that Xander and Gunn had arrived first and had told the rest what had happened in the cemetery. They arrived just as the rest of the group was deciding where they were going to spend the night. Angel and his crew had checked into a motel as the mansion was more Angelus's and they were reluctant to spend too much time there.

After everyone had gone to their respective accommodations, Buffy sat alone in her room thinking about everything she'd seen and said that day. She was amazed that Spike; evil, bloodsucking fiend Spike, was a wizard. He could perform magic. Why hadn't he told her? Granted she never was too interested in conversation during their little trysts. But still, he could have said something. She couldn't believe how much she'd told Angel. She hadn't lied when she told him that she had feelings for Spike. She was sorry she'd hurt  
Angel's feelings but things had changed, she'd changed. But exactly what her feelings for Spike were, she didn't know. She'd thought she'd been in love before but it had never worked out. Did she love Spike? That was the big question.

When had everyone gotten so loyal to Spike anyway? The lengths they had gone through to get him back from his catatonia surprised Buffy. Even Xander had switched sides, so to speak. To be mentally connected to his worst enemy was something she'd never imagined Xander doing. But he seemed to be not only accepting of it but rather proud that Spike had chosen him to connect with. Dawnie was also connected to the bleached wonder. But her connection seemed to be a two-way thing. When had they gotten so close? Was Giles right? Had they only had each other for support while she was gone?

Lying down on her bed, she hugged Mr. Grodo to her chest and wished she knew what to do. Since she'd come back nothing was the same. Dawn preferred to be with a vampire than her own sister, Willow was seriously addicted to magic, Xander had walked out on his own wedding and Spike was not only part of the family but had more magic in his little finger than Willow had in her whole body. And Angel. What was up with him being all protective Sire towards Spike? He'd gone all but fatherly on Spike after the vamp nest was dust. Come to think of it, on the walk home he hadn't really seemed so much hurt as worried about... there it was again... Spike. So much had changed in the last year. But, she admitted to herself, she wasn't exactly the same either. She really needed to work on her relationships. So many things needed to be mended.

Looking back on her... relationship, for want of a better word, she realized that if someone had treated her the way she'd treated Spike, they would have been toast. It had been a seriously destructive path for them both. She hadn't lied when she'd said what they had was killing her. The guilt that plagued her over the way she was treating him had been killing her. She just hadn't foreseen how he would react to her ending their affair. He'd said she destroyed him. Could that be true? Questions without answers swirled around in her head making sleep all but impossible. So she lay there thinking. It was several more hours before she slept.

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Angel found himself sleepless, not surprising for a creature of the night but it had been a very long day. The stress he'd been under should have put him out like a light but his mind refused to shut off. Buffy had had an affair with Spike, his stubborn, willful, abrasive, annoying Childe.

His thoughts turned once more to how Spike had looked earlier. He had been so still, his eyes open and staring. Those bright sapphire eyes that were so expressive had been blank and dull. It had spooked Angel more than he cared to admit. In the more than one hundred years since he'd turned Will, Angel had never seen the younger vampire when he wasn't in constant motion. He'd always wanted to be doing things, constantly moving, planning and talking. For him to just shut down like he had was chilling.

What if his desperate plan hadn't worked? Angel had known the only thing to bring Spike back had been to punch through the wall of silence and make him believe Dawn and the others had been in danger. Angelus had been the only option. Angel knew that Angelus was forever just below the surface and it had been terrifyingly easy for him to come out and play. But Angel also knew that Angelus was the one threat that would have reached Spike.

Now what to do? Angel had never known how Spike felt about his leaving. Darla had kicked him out but Angel never told anyone that so the others thought he'd just abandoned them. He should have known. Spike hadn't been much more than a fledge at the time, even though he'd already killed a slayer. He'd been so full of bravado that Angel forgot how young he actually was. He must have been terrified, faced with the responsibility of caring for Dru. But now the truth had come out. Spike still felt betrayed by Angel's departure. He still felt inferior to his Sire. Spike hadn't been inferior to anyone in over a century. He was an everlasting source of annoyance, amusement and frustration for the elder vampire. But inferior? No way. He regretted abandoning his childr as he had. He hadn't realized the devastating impact his departure had made on his sensitive, impressionable younger Childe. He hadn't known how much Dru's devotion to him had pained Will.

Now Spike loved Buffy. Angel could see it in those dark blue eyes. The pain, the love, the despair in knowing his love was unrequited. Seeing his Childe in that much pain again had almost killed Angel. It reminded him of the days following Buffy's death. That had been the hardest time Angel could ever remember suffering through. How much emotional turmoil could an unsouled vampire survive? He mentally listed the events leading up to Spike's breakdown.

Drusilla leaving Spike for another demon, both times.

The chip the Initiative installed in Spike's brain.

Having to rely on the Scoobies for survival.

Being tortured by Glory.

Getting thrown from that tower trying to protect Dawn.

Watching Buffy die.

Having to work and care for a teenager, assuming a parental role.

The return of his magic.

Seeing Buffy alive again.

Getting kicked out of the Summers house after having been the head of the household for so many months.

Buffy using him to feel again.

The beatings she had subjected him to.

The breakup.

Facing it all.

One blow right after another. No chance to recover from one before another battered him. All of it within just a couple of years. No wonder he'd shut down. That he'd come back at all was beginning to seem amazing. It's a miracle he hadn't gone for a sunlit walk. Now all Angel had to do was figure out how to make things right for his Childe.

His internal clock was telling him that it was almost dawn. His body suddenly felt as if he'd been up for days. Which, he thought, wasn't far from the truth. Setting the guilt aside, he focused on helping Will get through this latest trial. He fell into a deep dreamless sleep still without an answer to his problem.

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Spike spent the better part of the night breaking things and restoring them so he could break them again. He paced, he cursed, he drank but still he couldn't process what Angel had forced him to listen to. Damned Slayer. How can you not know if you love someone? You either love them or you don't. It should be simple, shouldn't it? He growled and sent his television crashing against the wall for the sixth, or was it seventh, time. Damn, with a wave of his hand he restored it so he wouldn't have to miss Passions.

He laughed humorlessly. Why had they made him come back? There was no pain in the nowhere he'd been. He didn't have to think or feel. Both of which were now slowly driving him around the bend. At this rate he'd be bug-shagging crazy in no time. He went over what she'd said. She hadn't wished it were Angel after the first time. She'd missed him after he left but couldn't tell him? Why the Bloody Hell not? She knew he loved her and that hearing her say she missed him would have sent him over the moon. Maybe that was it, she hadn't really, she was just putting on a good show for Sire. For Angel. It was always about bloody, broody Poof. Everyone wanted Angel. No one ever really wanted Spike. Except maybe Niblet. He had always been second choice, second best. The piss-poor substitute for the great Angelus. Dru's Daddy. Buffy's first love, her first shag for Hell's sake. He would have bet the rest of his immortal unlife that if Angel had been around when she'd come back from Heaven, he wouldn't have gotten so much as a 'Get lost Spike'.

Angel had been there for him after Buffy had died but then he'd opened the link and caught them in action. He had been positive that would have been the last he would see of Angel. Why had Peaches bothered to get him back? Wouldn't it have been easier for him to just let go? Why had any of them bothered? They didn't need him. They'd proven that over and over.

He created a bottle of Jack Daniels, staring at it for a moment before throwing it against the wall. It wouldn't help. So much had happened. He'd danced with Buffy. Holding her in his arms again had been both Heaven and Hell. He closed his eyes and relived that dance. He hadn't bought her apology, convinced she'd only done it because Peaches and the Watcher had told her to. She'd cried on his shirt. He could smell her tears. Why had she done that? Then again, why does she do anything? He seriously doubted anyone could ever figure out her motives for doing any thing at any given time.

He went to the trap door and dropped down to the lower level. He sat on the edge of his bed. The bed they'd seldom made it to when they were together. The pain caught up to him again. He retreated to the back edge of the bed, scrambling backward as if trying to escape, grabbing a pillow on the way. He bumped up against the wall and sat there with the pillow clasped to his chest. He slumped there like a discarded rag doll, limp and broken, bent over the pillow trying to ignore the constant ache that had taken over where his heart used to be. He would have retreated back into himself but he'd promised Dawn he wouldn't. So he sat there unable to sleep, not wanting to think, unwilling to cope any more, wishing they'd left him alone. Wishing Rupert had just staked him and gotten it over with.


	10. Damaged

Damaged

Disclaimer: Own nothing.

Reviews: Yes, please. Let me know what you think. I love reviews. Love reviewers. Muse rocks with reviews. Thanks for all the great suggestions. (evil smile) Maybe some of them will get used.

A/N: The only excuse I have for this chapter is that I saw 'Lessons' and 'Beneath You' the other day. I'd only seen them once before and hadn't realized how unbelievably great James was in them. OMG he does insane well. Everything that happens in this chapter has a reason; each reason will become clear in time. Read and enjoy.

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The following morning, late morning that is, found Spike still up against the wall. Still slumped over hugging the pillow. He had finally gone to sleep but it had been a restless slumber, plagued with dreams. None of which he would remember later. He stretched out on the bed still pressed up against the wall, as if making sure no one could sneak up on him. That in itself would not have been possible as he'd placed a protection charm on the entrance preventing anyone from entering. He clasped the pillow tighter as if holding it would keep him from flying apart. The last thing he wanted to do was get up and see anyone so he stayed in bed. He snuggled under his red and black satin comforter and returned to sleep.

He woke up again just as evening was falling, only to roll over and go right back to sleep. The only thing he was interested in was staying right where he was. Back in the farthest corner of his mind, he realized that staying in bed was not a really great idea but it was the only thing he wanted to do.

He was unaware of the uproar his absence was causing. Since no one could enter his crypt, he never heard any of their calls. Angel and Dawn attempted to talk to him via their links but he stubbornly refused to respond, closing Dawn's link as soon as she opened it and employing incredible amounts of willpower to ignore Angel keeping the link open as he had during his conversation with Buffy. Eventually they gave up contacting him. When the links both closed he rolled over again and settled deeper into sleep.

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It was a subdued group that converged on Buffy's house later that night. The day had passed uneventfully with Dawn and Willow both attending their normal classes and the AI team making plans to return to LA. Buffy returned from an equally uneventful patrol with Angel who'd been preoccupied with trying to contact Spike. Everyone was now gathered in Buffy's living room. Dawn was quiet and tearful from her failed attempts to connect with Spike. The topic of conversation was Spike's absence.

Willow and Tara had visited the crypt and informed the group that Spike had magically blocked anyone from entering his home.

"Now I know how vampires feel." Tara commented wryly. Willow nodded.

"Is there any way you can get through the block?" Wesley asked.

Both witches shook their heads. "No way at all, we tried. Tara tried every spell she knew. We called, knocked, threw rocks, anything to try to get his attention. No Spike." Willow told them.

Giles turned to the dark vampire. "Have you talked to him?" He asked very quietly.

Angel shook his head. "He's ignoring me. Every time I've opened the link he's been asleep. He's been that way all day."

"That's not like Spike. He doesn't sleep all day." Xander, who'd become well acquainted with Spike's erratic sleeping habits over a summer of working with him, walked up to Giles and Angel. "I would have thought he'd be here before now."

"I don't know if he'll show up again before I leave. I didn't know he still had so many problems with the way I left him and Dru." Angel mumbled. He jumped when his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket looking at it in disbelief. It had been turned off and everyone who knew the number was right here in the house with him. A text message scrolled across the screen. 'Answer, Angelus.' He read. Flipping it open he obeyed the command.

His eyebrows shot up almost to his hairline when he heard the voice on the other end. He whirled around and walked into the other room, following the instructions of the unexpected caller. Leaving behind a roomful of curious people. Their attention was diverted by the cry of pain bursting from Cordelia's lips.

Wesley leapt to the seer's side and caught her before she could hit the floor. She gasped for breath as the vision faded. Wes gently placed her on the sofa and hovered, waiting until she was ready to tell them what she'd seen. Words started to pour forth as she tried to convey her vision.

"Armored car. Three men. One of them very strong but human, something odd." She gasped. "Here. Blood, Oh God so much blood. Spike. Don't. So much pain." Cordy leaned back against the cushions.

"What about Spike?" Buffy demanded. "What is he going to do?"

Cordy shook her head. "You have to go. Stop the three... the Trio? Go now before it's too late." The Scoobies looked at each other in dismay. So much had happened they'd all but forgotten about the Nerd Herd. Cordy gave Buffy the location and the Slayer left.

Wesley leaned close. "What about Spike?" He asked quietly.

Cordy sighed in frustration. "I don't know. All I could see was the blood. I could feel his pain. Oh my God, so much pain."

Wes frowned. "Does this have to do with the three men Buffy just went after?"

The Seer shook her head. "Not all. I don't know." She put her head back and closed her eyes.

Gunn came in from the kitchen with some aspirin and a glass of water, handing them to Wesley to give to Cordelia.

Angel stuck his head through the doorway. "Willow, Rupert, I need you both in here please."

The Watcher and the Witch glanced at each other in puzzlement before joining the master vampire in the other room.

Tara and Fred sat in the corner talking to Dawn about everything and nothing trying to distract the upset teen from her worry over Spike's absence.

Xander sat in the easy chair across from the sofa watching his ex-girlfriend and thinking about how much she'd changed since leaving Sunnydale. They had both moved on from their ill-fated romance. But she was just one more reminder of how unlucky he was in the love department. He shook off that line of thought and tried to concentrate on something that would be helpful. Cordy's vision scared him. He couldn't see Spike hurting anyone, especially with the chip. But the words 'Spike. Don't' and 'so much blood' all grouped together could not possibly be of the good. The continued silence from the peroxide blond was beginning to wear on the nerves of those who cared about him. Xander thought about the link Spike had opened and wondered if he could use it to contact the vampire. He closed his eyes and concentrated, trying to find the thread or whatever it was that connected him to Deadboy Jr. Xander allowed a small smile. He really should stop calling him those names. The main reason being that Dawn would stop hitting him. 'Okay, Xander, back to concentrating.' He thought. Unfortunately, Xander hit upon the wrong thread and opened the memories Spike had transferred to him. Random scenes flashed through his horrified mind; blood, bruises, pain. Desperately he slammed the door on the memories. Trying again, he succeeded in feeling Spike's presence. He could tell the vampire was in his bed attempting to go back to sleep.

'Spike.' Xander sent.

'Whelp.' Spike wearily replied. He rolled onto his back and draped a bare arm over his eyes. The other arm kept its death grip on the much-abused pillow. 'Leave me alone. This was supposed to be a one-way link. How did you open it?'

'Just lucky I guess.' Xander told him. 'You need to get to Buffy's. Everyone's worried about you.'

'Bollocks. No one needs me. No one wants me. The Poof is there. What possible reason would anyone have for wanting me around?' Spike answered dully. 'Go away. I just wanna sleep.'

'That, my friend, is called depression and you need to snap out of it. We all want you here. We need you. For what, I don't know yet, but I'm sure we'll find a good use for you.' Xander tried his usual method of using humor to help.

'Ha, bloody, ha.' Spike grumbled.

'Seriously, Spike. We need you. Come on over and let everyone know you're still among the unliving.'

'I'll think about it.' The vampire told him.

'But...' Xander began.

'I SAID I'D THINK ABOUT IT!' The roar echoed through Xander's mind.

'FINE!' Xander roared back and closed the link before Spike had a chance to. A reluctant smile crossed Spike's face. The Whelp was beginning to stand on his feet and not back down.

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Spike sat up and contemplated the pros and cons of getting up, dressed and going over to Buffy's. He heaved a deep unneeded sigh and located a clean t-shirt. Stuffing his feet into his boots, he made his way up to the main level. He debated eating but couldn't generate enough interest to do so. Opening the door, he found the rocks Tara and Willow had thrown trying to get his attention. Walking instead of transporting would allow more time to delay the inevitable, actually talking to someone. Unfortunately it also gave him more time to think. The farther he walked the more his mind spun until his thought processes were fried. The uppermost question on his mind was why was he going there? Why didn't he just stay in bed? There was no satisfactory answer so he kept walking.

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Buffy returned to report that she'd foiled the armor car robbery and captured two of the Nerd Herd. Warren had unfortunately escaped, using a jetpack of all things. Wesley asked about the strength Cordy had mentioned and she told him about the demon orbs and how Jonathan had warned her to smash them.

Angel came back from the other room closing his cell phone. Xander peered into the room and glared at the vampire. "Um. Excuse me, Deadboy. Where are Giles and Willow? We all heard you call them in here but only you came out."

Angel made himself comfortable on the sofa next to Cordelia and looked at everyone in turn. "The phone call was from the High Priestess of the coven Spike was in. She wanted Rupert and Willow to go there but she didn't say why. She teleported them a few minutes ago. They'll be back in a couple of days."

Tara objected. "They left without saying goodbye? They wouldn't do that."

Buffy held out her hand. "Let me have your phone. I want to talk to this High Priestess."

Angel put the phone in his pocket. "She knew you would have a problem but she said you have to wait. They will be back in a couple of days." He repeated as he looked around at his crew. "We need get you guys back to the motel. It's late."

Gunn walked toward the door. "Are we going home or staying another night?" He asked, pulling the door open. Spike stood on the porch finishing a cigarette.

Dawn saw him and raced out to greet him. She gave him a sound smack on the jaw and stood glaring at him. "Dumbass." She snarled. Then she jumped into his arms, nearly strangling him as she threw her arms around his neck. "Don't ever shut me out again." She whispered fiercely.

"Sorry, Bit." He murmured. She backed up so they could go into the house. They stood off to the side to allow Angel's group out so they could leave. Dawn hugged Cordy goodbye. Wes, Gunn and Fred trailed out onto the porch. Fred looked up at Spike as she passed, blushing when their eyes met. "Hey, Fred, how are you tonight?" He asked her.

He smiled at her but she noticed that the smile didn't reach his eyes. The dark blue gaze remained sad and bleak. She stared up into his eyes, entranced. Her heart broke at the misery she could see. She shook herself as she realized the others were staring at them. "I'm... um... doing okay, I guess." She finally answered.

Gunn came up behind the little brunette. "Are you ready?" He asked gruffly, glaring daggers at the blond vampire.

Fred tore her eyes away from Spike's face and looked up at Gunn. "Sure." She said simply.

Angel came out and followed Wesley out to the street. "I'm going to stay here for a while." He said when they got to the van. Wesley nodded as Angel gazed at Spike. Soon the AI team was on their way. Tara, Dawn and Buffy waved them off. Xander hovered near the door. Angel leaned against Spike's tree. Spike sat on the front steps with his elbows on his knees and his head bowed.

Buffy, Dawn and Tara climbed the steps up to the porch. Tara paused to rub a hand along Spike's shoulder as she went. He stiffened at her touch and glanced up at her. Like Fred, she was entranced by the sheer misery she could see in his eyes. He stood up suddenly knocking Tara's hand away.

Without meeting any one else's eyes, he moved down to the sidewalk. "Look, this was a bad idea. I'm just gonna go on home." His gaze landed on Xander. "I shouldn't have come here."

Xander shook his head. 'Stay.' He sent. The blond head shook slowly, denying the unspoken request. Spike's face hardened. Spinning, he confronted Angel who'd silently glided up behind him.

"Where do you think you're going?" The elder vampire growled. Blue eyes clashed with dark brown ones.

"Away from you." Spike snarled. "Why?"

"I want an explanation." It was a Sire's demand.

"I don't have to explain bugger all to you." Spike made to push past the larger vampire.

Angel shoved him back with almost enough force to throw him to the ground. Tara and Dawn watched the exchange with fear as Spike regained his balance. Xander and Buffy moved to the top of the steps ready to jump in if needed.

"You will explain why you ignored me all day, boy." Sire was now out in full force, demanding obedience from his Childe.

The street lamps highlighted the difference between the two, one so fair he almost glowed in the light the other so dark he seemed to absorb the night. The porch light acted as a spotlight, illuminating the confrontation.

"I said I don't have to explain anything, you ponce." Defiance waged war with the misery in Spike's sapphire gaze. "Let me go." The demand burst out almost against his will. Apparently forgetting he could transport at will, he moved to go around again. Angel blocked his way.

"I can't." Angel admitted.

"WHY NOT?" Spike shouted. "You did before. Left without looking back. I wasn't good enough so you left. Everyone leaves me. Not this time. This time I get to leave. So get out of my way." He punctuated each sentence with a punch to Angel. The older vampire stood there and let his distraught Childe take his frustration out on him.

"That's it, Will. Put it all on me." Angel invited him to continue swinging. Unfortunately it was the wrong thing to say. Spike froze.

"No." Spike moaned as he backed away. "That's what I said. And she hurt me. She hurt me and left me there. On the ground. Couldn't see. Couldn't move. Broken. Always hurt the ones you love, Pet." He put his hands up to the sides of his head, covering his ears with his palms. Hunching over as if in physical pain.

Xander slipped his arms around Buffy's waist as he felt her sag in shock. He knew exactly what Spike was talking about and he ached in sympathy. Guilt consumed him as he wished he'd never talked Spike into coming over.

Angel reached out to touch him. The blond straightened and recoiled, extending his hands defensively. "NO! Don't touch me. Can't do it anymore. Can't. Need to leave. Need to sleep. No pain. No thinking." He brought his hands down and gazed at his Sire. The misery and defiance had vanished from his eyes.

Angel was stunned to see insanity had taken up residence in the sapphire depths. He shook his head, refusing to believe what he saw. "No. Oh God, Spike. No." He choked.

"No? No what? No Spike? Not any more. Can't be Spike anymore. Can't be anything. Not needed. Not wanted. Not good enough. Have to go." Spike started to go around the larger vampire. Dawn's sobs could be heard in the night air. Tara clutched the teenager, trying to comfort her.

Spike looked up at the two girls standing on the porch, sadness written all over his face. "Pretty girl, so sad. Don't cry, Sweetling. He's not worth it."

Tara's tears combined with Dawn's. He spun around talking to himself. "Now look what you did. You made the other one cry. Are you satisfied?" He turned back to the girls. "Shhhh, no more tears." He reached a hand up toward them. Then looked at his extended hand in horror, pulling it back. "NO! Don't touch! Not good enough to touch. Get away. Out of sight."

He turned around again. This time facing the steps where Xander and Buffy stood. Spike retreated frantically, backing away from the steps into Angel's arms. "Love... Pain... hurts me. So beautiful. Vicious lover." He pressed a hand to his heart. "Evil soulless thing, can't love. No right to love, to want. Not good enough."

Angel looked at Buffy. She was leaning against Xander watching Spike's meltdown with unshed tears in her large green eyes. Spike noticed Angel's hands clasping his arms. He glared up over his shoulder into Angel's dark brown eyes.

"Sire?" Spike's voice shook.

"Yes, Will. It's me." Angel crooned wrapping his arms around the shaking slender form.

The platinum head shook in denial. "Not Will, not Spike, not anyone. Gone. Broken." He slid slowly to the ground taking his Sire with him. Angel sat there holding his damaged Childe to his chest fearing they wouldn't get him back this time.


	11. One Step Forward

One Step Forward

Disclaimer: Own nothing. Just playing.

Summary: Troops rallying around to help Spike.

Reviews: YES PLEASE! Need reviews. Want reviews. Begging for em. Muse works best with reviews in the inbox.

A/N: They're still doing their own thing, not doing much consulting with me before they do it. Still trying to move the plot along, this chapter is necessary for where we'll end up. So read/review and bear with me, promise some action soon.

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Xander shook himself from the almost trance-like state he'd fallen into when Spike had started to unravel. It had been the most shocking thing he'd ever seen in his life. Which, considering he grew up on the Hellmouth and the memories Spike had given him, that was saying a lot. In a harsh voice that sounded little like his own, he told Tara to take Dawn into the house. He turned Buffy around and hugged her. Setting her back away from him, he wiped the tears from her face and led her across the porch and through the front door. Making sure Buffy and Dawn were settled on the sofa, he nodded to Tara to take care of them and hurried back outside to help Angel with Spike.

Neither vampire had moved in the few minutes it had taken to get the girls inside. Xander knelt down and reached out a hand to Spike. The blond shied away, dark blue eyes wide with terror. It was all Angel could do to hang on to him and Xander pulled his hand back. Holding both hands up, palms out in a placating motion, he started to talk.

"Spike, come on, it's me. You know me. The Whelp. The human you like to pick on. Come on, Buddy, come back to us." Xander spoke softly, inching away slightly to give him a little comfort zone. "You gotta get better. I don't have so many male friends that I can afford to loose one."

"Memories. Bad thoughts. Made friend sad. Hates me again. Can't do it anymore." Spike babbled, not in a good Willow-speak way but in the insane vampire scary talking way, Xander noted.

Angel looked up at Xander's somber face and remembered what the boy had told him. Spike had transferred his memories to him. Every detail of Spike and Buffy's relationship had been sent into Xander's own memory.

"No. Spike, I don't hate you again. The memories made me sad, yes. But I can't hate you." Xander tried to reassure the shaking vampire. "Spike, we need to get you into the house. Your basement is just like you left it. If you stay out here you'll get crispy-fried. You don't want to get dusted, do you?"

Spike made eye contact with the brunette human in front of him, sapphire blue meeting chocolate brown. "Yes, please." He whispered so very politely. Xander turned away, unable to stop the tears from springing to the surface but not wanting Angel to see him cry.

Xander cleared his throat and tried again. "Spike. If you come down to the basement, you can go back to sleep."

Spike looked up again, with interest this time. "Sleep?" He questioned.

Xander nodded. "Yes, you like to sleep. Come down to the basement and we'll let you sleep all you want." He told him.

"Okay." The younger vampire looked more closely into Xander's eyes. "No tears, he's not worth it."

"We'll see." Xander told him as he and Angel helped Spike up. Xander and Angel each draped an arm over their shoulders. They each put an arm around Spike's slender body and walked him up the stairs. They guided him into the house and steered him through the dining room so he wouldn't see Buffy again. They couldn't go down the basement stairs three across so Angel took the brunt of his Childe's weight and guided him down the steep staircase. He pulled the ever-present duster off of Spike then sat him down on the edge of the bed. He knelt down and pulled the scuffed boots off. The elder vampire looked closely at Spike's thin face.

"Have you eaten today?" He asked gruffly.

Spike considered the question, before shaking his head. "Not hungry." He muttered.

Angel looked around at Xander. "I'll get it." Xander volunteered, dashing back up the stairs. He was back in a few minutes with some blood in Spike's favorite mug. Dawn had ordered the mug from a specialty shop in the mall. It was large, almost a pint, white with blood red letters proclaiming it belonged to the World's Best Brother. She'd given it to him on Father's Day, telling him that he was a better father to her than her own. What made it unusual was that the letters imprinted around the top appeared to bleed with little droplets falling down the porcelain and pooling around the bottom under the lettering. It was cute in a gruesome, bloody sort of way. She'd told the shopkeeper that her brother was heavily into vampire movies and collected all things pertaining to vampires. Everyone knew that it was Spike's mug and no one touched it fearing the wrath of Dawn. Xander had found it pushed all the way back in the corner of the topmost shelf.

Angel took the mug and held it out to Spike. He looked at it sadly. "Niblet." He tipped it up and sipped slowly, making a face when the container was lowered. "Not hungry." He turned his face away. Pushing the mug back towards Angel, he laid down and covered up, scooting back up to the wall defensively. "Can I have another pillow?" Xander got one from the other bed that was still there from the weekend Spike's magic had appeared. The young vampire grabbed the proffered pillow and hugged it tightly as if using it for a shield. "Can I sleep now, Sire?" Closing his eyes without waiting for an answer, he fell asleep as easily as a small child.

By unspoken mutual agreement, Angel and Xander retreated up to the kitchen. Xander got out two clean mugs and emptied a packet of blood into one, shoving it into the microwave. The other he placed near the coffee maker and began the process of brewing some coffee. Neither male was ready to go into the living room and face the upset females they both knew were waiting for them.

Xander leaned on the counter propped up on his outstretched arms. His head bowed low so that his chin nearly rested on his chest. Without moving, he spoke to Angel.

"This is my fault." He stated.

Angel frowned. "How do you figure?" He asked.

Xander got the mug from the microwave and handed it to the master vampire. "I pushed him to tell me what happened with Buffy. Then I ratted him out to Giles who went over and made him talk about it, that's when he went catatonic. Tonight I talked him into coming over here after he told me he didn't want to. He just wanted to sleep and I wouldn't let him. If I'd left him alone in the first place he'd be fine. I'm to blame for the way he is now."

"Xander. It's okay. If you'd left him alone he would have retreated until there was nothing left. Now we have to find a way to get him back again. If you're going to assign blame, don't forget to give me a big portion of it. If I hadn't abandoned him in the first place he wouldn't have felt so inferior for so long. He hasn't been inferior since he killed his first slayer. He was only a few years old at the time." Angel finished his blood and walked over to the sink to wash out the mug so he could have some coffee.

"Neither of you are to blame." Tara spoke from the doorway, startling the two men. "It all comes down to a set of circumstances that individually wouldn't have damaged him but all of them put together created a psychological burden no one could have withstood."

"Where are Dawn and Buffy?" Xander asked, peering through the open door to the empty living room.

"I made them go to bed." The blonde witch answered.

"They went willingly?" Angel asked disbelievingly.

Tara smiled slightly. "Well... They did after I put a calming spell on them." She admitted.

Xander sagged with relief. "I like your style." He told her with a slight smile of his own. He looked at her more closely remembering her tears mixing with Dawn's on the porch. "Are you okay?"

Tara got a cup and poured herself some coffee. "I've been better. That was so hard to watch. I knew he had some problems coping last summer but I had thought with Buffy being back he was doing much better. When she asked me to research the spell we did to bring her back I found out that she and Spike were.... But she's fine. She asked how she could let him do those things to her. She never said anything about doing anything to him. What did he mean by 'That's what I said. And she hurt me. She hurt me and left me there.' Left him where? What set him off?" She asked as she sat at the table to sip her drink.

Angel took the chair next to Tara. He looked at Xander. "What was it I said that did it?" He questioned quietly.

Xander sat down at the table. Staring at the table top as if he found it very interesting, Xander realized that he hadn't told Angel everything about Spike and Buffy's affair, just enough to convince him to go to England. The details he'd shared had not included the fight behind the police station. Swallowing audibly, he closed his eyes. Deliberately keeping his voice expressionless. He allowed the memories to surface and began reciting the events of that night. As he finished his recitation, he slammed the door on the memories again and opened his eyes. The silence in the small kitchen was complete. Tara sat stunned with tears welling in her smoky blue eyes. Angel hunched over the table as if he'd received a blow to the heart.

"Oh my God." Tara whispered.

"Yeah." Xander said quietly.

Angel cleared his throat. "How did he get back to his crypt?"

"I have no clue." Xander shook his head. "Um, look, I promised Spike I wouldn't tell anyone what happened and now I've told Giles and both of you. Don't let on that you know. Okay?"

Tara patted his hand. "I don't think he'll mind. We had to know so we can help him. We just have to take it one step at a time. Is he still talking?"

Angel nodded. "But it's like he's not quite him. Did you hear him? He told Xander and Dawn 'He's not worth it.' I don't know how to describe it."

"I know that one thing is not enough to make someone as strong as Spike crack. What else is there?" Tara looked at Angel, knowing he held some of the answers she needed.

The dark vampire stalled by getting up and refilling his coffee. Once he was seated again, he reiterated the list he'd comprised in his head the night before.

Xander shook his head. "That would have made me put a bullet through my brain."

Tara sighed. "It's a wonder he didn't snap sooner." She yawned. "I think I need to sleep on it. Do you think anyone will mind if I use Willow's room?" She glanced out the window. "It's almost dawn, we all need to get some rest. We won't be able to help Spike if we're run down."

Angel agreed. "I'll take the extra bed in the basement. Xander, are you going home?"

Xander shook his head. "I think I'll just camp on the sofa. Don't think I'll get much sleep. Too many nightmares."

Angel made his way quietly down the stairs. He went over to Spike's bed and sat down on the edge gently so as not to disturb his sleeping Childe. Spike looked almost innocent tucked up against the wall clutching his pillow. Angel gazed at the pillow being held so fiercely, wondering why Spike felt the need for something to hold. His thick lashes cast dark shadows on his lean cheekbones and his dark brows were drawn together in a slight frown. Whatever he was dreaming about, it wasn't very pleasant. Angel noted with some amusement that even sleeping Spike kept up the habit of breathing. He pulled the blanket farther up onto Spike's shoulder before going over to his own bed for some much needed sleep.

'What are you going to be like tomorrow?' He wondered just before he drifted off.

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Wesley, Cordelia, Fred and Gunn approached the Summers house almost apprehensively. They hadn't heard from Angel since they had left him there the night before. Wesley knocked on the door and was startled with Xander answered almost immediately.

"Xander. Why are you still here?" The former Watcher asked.

Xander stood back to allow the foursome entry. Scrubbing a hand over his weary face, he moved back over to the living room sofa and slumped there looking exhausted. The AI team looked at each other with concern.

Gunn claimed the easy chair. "Xander, man, you're looking pretty rough. What happened after we left last night?"

The brunette Scooby let out a huge sigh. "Spike had a complete and total meltdown. Angel said something to him and he just snapped."

Wesley sat down on the sofa next to the younger man. "Is he catatonic again?"

Xander shook his head. "Oh no, he's talking. It's just that most of what he says doesn't make much sense."

Fred looked around. "Where are they? Spike and Angel, where are they?"

"In the basement. We vampire proofed it last summer when Spike moved in to take care of Dawn. It's Spike's room and we didn't change it after he moved out so it was still safe for them to spend the night." Xander informed them.

Dawn chose that moment to come downstairs. She looked tired. She gave a small wave to the visitors and shuffled into the kitchen for something to eat. Cordy and Fred followed her to see if they could help.

Cordy helped the still shell-shocked teen with her breakfast even though it was past noon.

Fred explored the kitchen, poking into drawers and cabinets. She made her way over to the basement door. Checking to make sure the others weren't watching, she cautiously opened the door and slipped through it. Angel glanced up from his chair next to Spike's bed as she quietly made her way down the stairs. He smiled at her and motioned her forward. Spike was awake and Angel had been talking to him although the younger vampire had yet to say anything.

"Hi, Angel. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. I just wanted to see how Spike was doing. I heard about last night. Are you okay?" She babbled nervously.

Spike had retreated back to the wall when Fred entered the room but inched forward when she started speaking. He smiled at her happily.

"Fred. Pretty scientist." He observed. Angel looked at him in surprise. It was the first thing he'd said in the ten minutes he had been awake.

Angel motioned for Fred to sit in his chair. "Stay with him for a few minutes. I need to get him something to eat. Spike, I'm going upstairs. Stay with Fred."

Spike frowned, reaching around to find his pillow. "Sire's leaving?"

"No. I'm just going upstairs to get you something to eat." Angel repeated. "I'll be right back. Talk to Fred."

The blond didn't look happy but nodded anyway. "Okay."

Fred followed Angel to the base of the stairs. "Is he all right?" She asked in her soft Texas accent.

Angel gazed at her wonderingly. "Recognizing you was the first coherent thing he's done since he woke up. Please stay and talk to him." She smiled, happy she could be of help, she'd been feeling a little left out. Most of the time she felt as if she weren't part of the team, merely a bystander while the others did all the work. She moved back to the chair and sat down, smiling at the blond vampire sitting Indian-style in the middle of the bed.

Spike looked down shyly. "Hi."

"Hi." She answered. "How are you, Spike?"

"Not Spike." He mumbled.

"You're not?" Fred was puzzled. "Then who are you?"

He looked puzzled then shrugged. "Don't know. Not Will. Not Spike. Not anyone." He told her softly.

"Why aren't you Spike?" Fred questioned gently.

He shook his head slightly. "Spike is bad. Did bad things." He leaned forward as if telling a secret. "Spike's not good enough." He whispered.

"Not good enough for what?" Fred asked him, still using a gentle tone.

He bit his lip as if debating how much he could share. She was pretty and he wanted her to like him but she wouldn't if she knew. "Not good enough to love." He finally admitted.

The brunette shook her head. "That's not what I heard." She told him.

Spike tilted his head, puzzled. "You heard something?"

She nodded, leaning forward imitating his position. "I heard that Spike is very good and does a lot of good things." She was startled when he backed away not stopping until he bumped against the wall. He pulled his pillow over and hugged it tight to his chest. He looked at her and she saw his beautiful blue eyes had filled with tears. He made no sound; the tears just welled up and spilled down his lean cheeks. Following her instincts, she climbed up onto the bed and shuffled over to take him in her arms. She made shushing noises as she pulled his head onto her shoulder.

"What's wrong?" She whispered.

He buried his face into her neck. She had a passing thought that she should be afraid of having him so close to her neck. But couldn't feel anything but sympathy. He said something she couldn't make out and she set him back a little so she could look into his handsome features. "What did you say?" She asked gently.

Spike closed his eyes, tears streaming down his face. "Then why doesn't anyone love him?" His dejected whisper broke her heart. Tears of her own slid down her face as she tugged him back to her shoulder. "Everyone leaves. That means they don't love him, right?" She heard him mumble. She felt him shaking and held him tighter while she thought about how to answer.

Angel watched from the step he'd dropped onto when he'd heard Spike say he wasn't good enough. He had watched as little Fred crawled across the bed to comfort the weeping vampire she barely knew. Now he listened intently to find out what she would say.

Fred held him until she could feel the shaking lessen slightly. She eased him back until she could see his face. "Hey." She tilted his chin a little so she could see his eyes. "Just because someone leaves, it doesn't mean they don't love you. It just means they can't be where you are. I love my parents very much but I had to leave them in Texas. And just because I can't be there with them doesn't mean they love me any less or that I don't love them. Do you know what I just found out?"

He shook his head, turning away from her.

"Do you remember that I spent five years in another dimension called Pylea?" She put a finger under his chin and tilted his head back to face hers, making sure she still had his attention. He nodded that he remembered.

"I found out that just because I was gone all that time and my parents didn't know where I was they didn't stop loving me. I found out that love doesn't stop just because someone has to leave. Do you understand?" She told him. He sat back and wiped his face with his hand.

"But Dru left me. She said she didn't love me anymore." Spike pouted.

Fred smiled. "She was obviously insane."

He laughed. "Totally bonkers, she was." He sobered as he thought for a moment. "Angel didn't care. He was gone for over one hundred years."

"And he thought about you every minute." Angel said quietly from the stairs. He got up and walked across the floor, taking the chair.

"Bollocks, not every minute." Spike scoffed. He scowled down at the bed and poked at the pillow with slender fingers.

The older vampire smiled slightly. "Okay, maybe not EVERY minute. But a whole lot of them." He looked down at the mug he still held in his hand. "I always regretted turning you."

Spike gripped the pillow tighter. It was one of his biggest fears, having his Sire admit what a disappointing Childe he'd been.

Angel glanced up and saw the devastation on Spike's face. "No, Will, not like that. You were never a disappointment. No, what I regretted was taking a sensitive, gentle poet and turning him into a monster. That's not how your life should have ended. But I really didn't have much choice. Dru had drained you so much that if I hadn't finished it you would have died that night. I couldn't let that happen. I could tell you were special. So I trained you, tried to make you just like me. But you were always different. In some ways you surpassed me. You reveled in the killing. No matter what I said at the time, I couldn't let you know how proud I was of the demon you became." Angel handed his Childe the mug of blood.

Spike drank some of it before speaking. "Then why did you leave without saying anything?"

Angel studied the floor. "Darla kicked me out. She told me not to come back, ever. You didn't want to be around me with my shiny new soul. None of you did. Dru and Darla were disgusted by me. You weren't. I think I reminded you too much of what you'd lost." He looked back up at his Childe and saw with sorrow that they were losing him again. His sapphire gaze had gotten distant and he was focusing on the far wall instead of on his Sire.

Spike finished the mug's contents and handed the empty container to Angel. He yawned. "Tired now." He looked at Fred, still sitting next to him on the bed. He reached over and traced her face with his finger. "So pretty. Thank you."

Fred took his hand in her smaller one and pressed her face into his palm. "You're not so bad yourself and you're welcome." She scooted to the edge of the bed and got down. Spike stretched out and snuggled up against the wall. Fred leaned over and covered him up. His blue eyes fluttered closed.

"I'm not special." He muttered as he fell asleep.

"Ah, Will, you have no idea." Angel said quietly.


	12. Two Steps Back

Two Steps Back

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I tell you, nothing.

Summary: I ain't telling.

Reviews: YES, YES, YES. Oh, please feed the muse and review. Readers rock but reviewers RULE!

A/N: Still ain't telling. Just read it all right? Thanks.

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Angel and Fred went back to the kitchen to find complete chaos. Gunn was ranting about Fred's absence. Wesley was trying to calm his colleague down, telling him that there wasn't any way she could have left the house without someone seeing her. Cordelia was hovering protectively around Dawn. In the living room, Xander was talking to Buffy and Tara. Angel looked around the kitchen in exasperation.

"ENOUGH!" He yelled. Everyone immediately quieted. "I was just up here a little while ago and everything was fine. What happened?" He demanded.

Wesley cleared his throat. "It seems that Fred went missing. I see now that she was with you and Spike. Is everything okay down there?"

Angel nodded. "As well as can be expected. It's going to take a while."

Fred sidled over to the refrigerator and opened it with the idea of making something for everyone to eat. She studied the contents glumly. The freezer didn't offer up anything either.

Gunn walked up behind her and took her arm, pulling her away from the appliance. She looked up at him curiously.

"What were you doing down there with that vampire?" He said the word 'vampire' as if it were the ultimate insult. Angel was on him in a second, game face in full force. Shoving his friend up against the counter, the master vampire had him in a choke hold.

"That 'vampire'" He gave the word the same emphasis. "is my Childe. He's family. If Fred wants to talk to him, she will. In fact, he didn't say anything at all until she came downstairs. But he's retreated again so if she wants to go down and sit with him all day, we're going to let her. Aren't we?" The last question was growled threateningly.

Fred put a calming hand on Angel's arm. "It's okay. He just didn't know I was down there. I should have told someone I was going. Can we get someone to go to the store? There's not much in the way of groceries." She changed the subject hoping to divert the attention away from herself.

Cordelia walked over and pulled Gunn away from Angel's grasp as the vampire returned to his human visage. She steered Gunn toward the door. "Come on, Wes. Let's go to the store. Dawn, do you want to go with us?"

The teenage shook her head. "I want to see Spike." She stated defiantly. Buffy came in and heard her tone of voice but other than a glare, the slayer didn't comment. It was decided that Cordy, Gunn and Wesley would go to the store. Xander decided to go back to his own apartment for a shower and change of clothes. Tara elected to stay with Buffy and Dawn in case they needed to talk. Fred began cleaning the kitchen. It was either that or start writing on the walls and she didn't figure that Buffy would appreciate her doing that.

Dawn was adamant about seeing Spike so Angel took her downstairs. Spike was still sleeping so Angel left her sitting quietly in the chair for a while. She kept remembering his breakdown. Tears slid silently down her face as she watched him sleep. His dark blue eyes opened as his enhanced vampire senses warned him he wasn't alone. He clasped the pillow a little tighter. He realized who was sitting next to him and he sat up slowly.

"Don't cry, Niblet. He's not worth it." Spike said softly.

Dawn wiped her face with her hand and gave him a watery smile. "Yes, you are, you dope. I love you. I need you to stay with me."

The platinum head shook slowly. "No. No one needs me."

She sobbed. "I need you. I'm sorry Buffy made you stay away from me. I should have fought harder. I thought our link was enough but it wasn't. I missed you so much."

Spike tilted his head. She loved him? He was evil, how could such a pretty little girl love something like him? Didn't she know about the bad things? He clutched his pillow tighter. She made his chest hurt. A sympathetic tear tracked down his face.

"Um... Why?" He studied his blanket as he voiced the question.

"Why what?" She wanted to know.

"Why do you love me?" He refused to meet her eyes.

"Because you took care of me. Kept me safe..." He interrupted her.

"NO, I DIDN'T! I failed! You got hurt. B-Buffy d-d-died. Spike is bad, useless. Not needed. Not wanted." He scrambled back to the wall and buried his face in his pillow.

Angel had been monitoring the visit from the other side of the kitchen door. At Spike's wail, he dashed down the stairs. Dawn clutched at him in panic. He hugged her briefly and sat her back down in the chair. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he reached out to his Childe.

"Spike. Stop it. It wasn't your fault. You are not bad and you're certainly not useless." Angel nearly shouted to get Spike's attention. The younger vampire kept his face buried in his pillow. "William!"

Spike raised his head. "Sire."

"Will, listen to me. You are not useless." Angel lowered his voice trying to sooth Spike. The elder vampire shook his head. He opened his link to try to get an idea of what was going on in Spike's thoughts. "What is it going to take to convince you? Will, everyone here cares about you. You have to get better, we need you around."

Spike rested his head on his pillow and gazed sadly at his Sire and Dawn. They didn't understand. He couldn't figure out why they insisted he wasn't bad. He never wanted to be evil, but he was. Buffy had told him over and over that he was. An evil soulless thing that she could never love. She'd said he was useless, called him fangless and a chipped wonder. He had no reason not to believe her. Why would she lie to him? She was the Slayer, she'd know if someone were evil. It was her job to know. Another tear dripped down onto the pillow.

Angel's head snapped back in shock. Closing his link before Spike realized it was open, he gazed back into those sad blue eyes. So that was it. That was why Spike didn't believe he was good enough to love.

Angel took Dawn back upstairs, leaving Spike alone for a few minutes. The elder vampire escorted her to the living room and stayed with her to make sure the she was okay. The blond vampire took the opportunity to get up and slip out of the basement while his Sire was gone. He was half way across the kitchen towards the back door and the splash of deadly sunlight shining on the back steps when he realized he wasn't alone. He whirled around to face Fred who was leaning against the counter she'd just scrubbed.

He ducked his head shyly. "Um... Hi." He stammered.

She didn't smile. "Hi. What did you think you were going to do?" She questioned gently.

Spike cast a longing look at the sun drenched back yard. "I... ah... was just going to... well... um, nothing. I wasn't going to do anything." He finally lied. He inched toward the door imperceptibly.

"Fred, are the others back... yet? Spike?" Buffy came into the kitchen carrying an empty cup.

The blond vampire got a 'deer in headlights' look. "B-Buffy." He managed to say. "I... um... was just going to... um go back to the basement." He lied as he took another inch toward the back door.

Xander came in behind him and stopped his stealthy progress toward the door.

"Well, Spike, it's certainly nice to see you out and about." The male Scooby said cheerfully as he put a bag containing three one dozen boxes of donuts on the table. He'd slung an arm around Spike's shoulder as he passed and took him into the room with him, foiling Spike's attempt to go outside. Xander opened his link to Spike completely. 'You are sooo busted my friend. If you think I'm going to stand idly by and watch you go out and play in the sun, you are so wrong.' Xander grinned when he heard the barely suppressed growl of frustration.

Buffy gazed at the blond and the brunette standing across the room from her. She couldn't believe Xander was standing there with his arm around his former mortal enemy.

Fred surveyed the scene with trepidation mixed with a little amusement. She knew Spike had been trying to go outside to let the sun fry him and knew as well that somehow Xander had known and prevented that tragedy.

'How did you know?' Spike asked Xander mentally.

'I've kept my link open just enough to know what you're doing, but not enough to actively talk to you.' Xander explained.

'Why?' The vampire asked, frustrated.

His friend looked him in the eye, chocolate brown boring into sapphire blue. 'You asked me let you stay on the sidewalk so you could go all dusty. Just couldn't let that happen. I told you. I don't have that many male friends that I can afford to loose one. So have a donut and get used to the idea that some of us care what happens to you.'

'Wanker.' Spike's response elicited a burst of laughter from Xander and puzzled looks from both Fred and Buffy.

'Welcome back, Blondie.' Xander returned the link to its former half-open status. Aloud, he addressed the girls. "If there's coffee, I brought the donuts. Knew the cupboard was a little bare and figured everyone would like some sugary goodness."

Fred turned to start a fresh pot of coffee as Xander pulled out a couple of chairs and gently but firmly pushed the reluctant vampire into one, taking the other one for himself. Buffy sat down across from the two men and gazed at Spike with unreadable eyes.

Something Xander said penetrated Spike's mind. "The cupboards are bare? Why? There should be enough money to buy food." He started to get agitated. "I left the debit card with Niblet so she could get groceries and anything else you needed. I put money in it. Why didn't you get food?" He demanded of a thoroughly confused Buffy.

"Spike, calm down. It's okay. Everyone has been busy trying to keep you here. There have been a lot of people here so the supplies got a little low. I'm sure Dawnie has the card and it has enough on it. Cordy, Wes and Gunn went to the store. Deadboy's footing the bill today." Xander assured the shaking blond next to him. "Here have a donut. I want to see Spike on a sugar high." He joked, pulling a donut box toward them and helping himself to two, handing one to Spike. Fred brought a handful of napkins and cups for everyone to the table, passing them out. She got out the cream, sugar and spoons for those who wanted them for their coffee.

Buffy finally processed what Spike had been ranting about. "Wait a minute. You have a checking account? And Dawnie has the debit card for it? Since when do vampires have bank accounts?"

Xander fixed her with a glare. "Vampires have checking accounts when they are the main source of support for a teenage girl and have to get a job to keep her and the other occupants of the house in food, clothing and utilities." Spike looked like he wanted to crawl under the table or go back to the basement, whichever was easier. Xander caught that impulse and clamped a hand on Spike's arm. "He worked damn hard to keep this place running and Dawnie out of the Social Services clutches."

Spike ducked his head in embarrassment. "Don't." He whispered. "I didn't do that much."

Xander turned his glare on Spike. "Yes, you did. And it's time everyone found out how much you sacrificed to take care of Dawn. All you did for five months was work and patrol. The rest of us were wallowing in our grief but you had to set aside your sorrow and hold us together. And you paid for it. Don't lie to me and tell me it's not part of the reason you broke down. Even after Buffy came back, you had to keep it together for her. You took everything she dished out and suppressed all your grief, anger, everything you were feeling so she could feel better. All you got for your efforts was kicked in the teeth." His voice got louder as he spoke so that by the third sentence those in the other room could hear every word clearly.

"She wasn't supposed to know that!" Spike yelled, trying to wrench his arm free. Xander's construction work paid off. He was stronger than Spike realized and refused to let go. The frustrated vampire sat back in his chair fuming as Angel rushed into the kitchen, followed by Dawn and Tara.

"Spike! Are you okay? What's going on?" The older vampire took in the scene, wondering which head to bash first.

Buffy glared up at him with tear filled eyes. "Xander was just filling me in on stuff someone should have told me months ago."

Xander snorted. "Like you would have listened."

Buffy turned a shocked face to her friend.

Tara put a hand on the slayer's arm. "He's right. You wouldn't have listened. I'm sorry."

Fred tried to stay out of the spotlight by pouring coffee for everyone and making sure everything they needed was on the table. Spike noticed her efforts and rewarded her with a sweet smile, melting her heart. She had the thought that his smile should be listed as a lethal weapon.

Buffy sputtered in indignation. "I would so have listened." She claimed.

Dawn shook her head. "No, you wouldn't. I tried to tell you. Over and over I tried to get you to understand how much Spike did for us while you were gone. He took care of me. He was more of a parent than anyone other than Mom. He's a better father than Dad ever thought about being. He was there for me. He helped me with my homework. Did you know he's wicked smart? He made sure I had money, clothes and food. He gave money to Willow and Tara so they could do the shopping. He even did laundry so we wouldn't have to do it while he was trying to sleep. How much of that have you done since you got back, Buffy? I know it's been hard. I know you were in heaven and now you feel you're in hell. I'm sorry but you haven't been there for me that much. I love you. I'm indescribably happy you're here, but the way you treated Spike was just wrong."

Buffy looked over at the vampire in question, seeing him in a new light. She processed the information that had been thrown at her and compared it with her dealings with him since she'd been back. He was studying the table as if he'd never seen it before. He was still trying to wrench his arm from Xander's iron grasp and not having any luck at it. He felt her gaze and looked up at her, his blue eyes fearful of another rejection. She walked around the table; keeping her eyes locked on his and seeing him stiffen at her approach. She knelt at his side, still holding his gaze with her own. She felt his withdrawal as he leaned back toward Xander and the support he provided.

She reached up to touch his face, tears falling from her green eyes as he flinched away from her touch. "Spike. I'm so sorry."

"You didn't do anything, Luv." He denied.

"Yes, I did. And I was so wrong. I mistreated you so badly. How can I make it up to you? I do care about you, more than I ever thought possible." She admitted.

A voice from the back door stunned them all. "Did you think I would let you do that to me? Now you're going to pay, bitch."

Xander shouted. "Gun! Get down!" Shots rang out. Screams split the air.

She felt burning and touched the spot, feeling stickiness. She looked at Spike, reaching blood stained fingers out to him. The pain hit her and buckled her knees. Darkness blurred her vision then blanked it out completely as she hit the floor.


	13. Revenge

Revenge

Disclaimer: All I own is my carousel. I don't own any of these guys, just playing with them.

Summary: Someone is pissed.

Reviews: Well, YEAH! Readers rock but reviewers RULE. OMG! 50 Reviews! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

A/N: I ain't saying. Just read and review please. Thanks.

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When he heard the gunshots, Gunn dropped the bag of groceries he was carrying. He turned the corner of the house just in time to deck the short brunette man running through the back yard. He kicked the gun away from the little creep and wrenched his arms behind his back.

Cordelia, who was still next to the car, pulled out her cell phone and called the police. Wesley ran to help Gunn.

"Wes!" Gunn shouted. "Bring me a rope or something!" Wesley ripped the belt from his waist as he ran past and threw it at the large man holding the smaller man firmly on the ground. Wes continued to the back door and pulled it open, fearing the worst. His fears were realized when he saw the carnage inside. He gulped when he saw all the blood on the kitchen floor and started taking inventory to see who the blood belonged to. His blue eyes tracked Angel who knelt on the floor in a puddle of blood next to a brunette whose face Wes couldn't see. Fear stopped his heart until he saw an uninjured Fred next to Spike, who was cradling an injured Buffy in his arms. It appeared that the slayer had a wound in her shoulder but she was awake and talking. Spike had blood covering most of his torso and arms. He'd been injured when the bullet that had struck Buffy passed through her body and lodged itself in his side. Only some of the blood covering him was his own, the rest belonged to the slayer. The vampire appeared to be in shock. Xander was lying on the floor behind them, unconscious, with blood oozing from a bullet hole high in his chest.

Giles rushed in from the living room followed closely by Willow.

"Bloody Hell, we're too late. Willow, hurry, see to Dawn. I'll check on Xander." Spike's head jerked up at the elder Watcher's words.

Willow elbowed Angel out of the way and crouched next to Tara beside the gravely injured teenager. The dark vampire stumbled backwards thudding hard against the wall. Pain jolted through his body and he passed out, bleeding from a chest wound.

Willow looked at Tara and in unison they closed their eyes. Willow clasped Tara's right hand with her left and they placed their other hands over the bullet wound in Dawn's abdomen. The two witches started chanting in Latin. Slowly the hole began to close. The bullet rose out of the girl's body and floated in the air above it while the wound erased itself. Dawn took a sudden deep breath as life flowed back into her body.

Spike carefully lowered Buffy into the chair and made his way through the people to Dawn. He noticed the bullet still hovering in the air and drew it into his hand closing his fist over it.

"Red, is she okay?" He asked hoarsely.

"It was close. I think she was dead for a second but she's back now. I think she'll be all right." At her answer, he turned and headed for the back door. Buffy noticed where he was going and panicked. It was still daylight outside. Spike would be fried if he set foot out there.

"Spike! No. The sun." She gasped.

He turned to her and smirked. The magic he'd been unconsciously suppressing the past couple of days came rushing back. With a wave of his hand the sky outside became overcast with heavy clouds, making it safe for him to walk outside without burning. The door opened for him and he stalked out in search of the assailant. Gunn was still holding Warren down on the ground, having tied his hands behind his back with Wesley's belt. He looked up as Spike approached.

"Let him go." The order was harsh and unyielding. Gunn shook his head.

"Can't do that man. Gotta hold this creep for the police." He argued.

Spike looked at Gunn for a moment. Gunn felt himself rise up into the air and gaped as he flew backwards, landing with a soft plop on the ground. The belt restraining Warren unwound itself from his hands. He stood up and turned to face the very pissed off vampire.

"Now look, she had it coming. You know it as well as I do. She's been nothing but a pain in the ass for a while now. Come on. You should be thanking me." Warren began to fear for his life when he saw the look in Spike's eyes.

The blond vampire glided across the grass, power radiated from every inch of his lean muscled body. Fury blazed from his dark blue eyes. Menace surrounded him like a cloak. This was the vampire of old, William the Bloody, Spike the Slayer of Slayers. He was back and he was pissed.

"Shut up!" Spike ordered.

Warren's mouth sealed itself causing his eyes to widen in panic. He noticed fearfully the lightening beginning to spark from Spike's fingertips. He tried to turn and run but his feet felt as if they were attached to the ground. Spike raised his hand and lightening wrapped itself around Warren. He tried to scream but it was muffled by his sealed mouth.

Gunn started to approach Spike but was stunned when Spike made a motion with his hand and he was shoved back down. Giles walked calmly out of the house, his focus on the blond vampire torturing Warren.

"Spike. Stop." Giles ordered. "Stop now and I won't have to hurt you."

Spike spoke without turning. "No. He hurt Dawn and Buffy. He's going to suffer. Then he's going to die." He was very calm. He tilted his head for a moment. He opened his links and discovered more of Warren's victims. His rage increased. His handsome features contorted into game face. Seeing the look in Warren's eyes, he shook the demon away. "Don't worry little man, no way in hell would I bite you. You are not going to die that easy."

To Giles he continued. "He shot Angel and Xander. You really think I'd let him get away with it? You know me better than that. Come on, Ripper. Tell me you don't want a piece of him. He tried to kill your slayer again."

The former Watcher controlled his own need for violence against Warren, knowing he had to save Spike from the murderous rage consuming him.

Giles raised his hand, releasing a volley of blue lightening into Spike's body. He jerked as the bolts hit him. Spike's stream of lightening on Warren was disrupted. He raised a hand and deflected the lightening back to the Watcher, knocking the older man off his feet.

The blond advanced on Giles. "That bloody hurt, old man. Give it up. You can't defeat me. Your borrowed magic is no match for mine. I don't want to hurt you Rupert."

Giles got back up and tried again. "Spike. You have to stop. If you do this, if you kill him, you cannot return to the coven. The high priestess very much wants you to come back." He pleaded, before sending another volley of lightening at the vampire, this time knocking him off balance. With a growl of rage, Spike sent a wave of power that threw Giles against the side of the house, knocking him out. Warren tried again to run, but his feet were still firmly planted on the ground.

Spike turned back to him. He sauntered over to stand in front of Warren. His voice was deceptively soft. "Oh no, you don't. You are going to stay right there until I kill you. You little wanker, how dare you come into my home and injure my family, my Sire? Who the hell do you think you are going around and waving a gun, shooting innocent people? You think you're the big bad in Sunnyhell? Guess what, little boy, I AM THE BIG BAD. I'm your worst nightmare. All you did was make a fool of yourself and piss off one of the most feared master vampires in history. That little chip they stuck in my head to prevent me from hurting humans? It doesn't work anymore. Isn't that just... neat? And you know what else? Remember your friend Jonathan and his pathetic little magic tricks?"

Circling around his captive, Spike waited for Warren's nod. He leaned over Warren's shoulder as if telling a secret. "Not only am I a very bad-tempered vampire, I'm a really, really powerful wizard. I can do things to you just by thinking of them. Do you want to know what I can think of?"

Warren shook his head frantically.

"Well, that is too bad. I have a very good imagination." He moved back in front of the trembling human.

Spike held up his fist and released the bullet, letting it hover before the little creep's terrified eyes. He smiled unpleasantly at his victim. Shivers of terror ran down Warren's spine.

"Do you know how if feels to have one of these digging into your flesh. It hurts. A lot. I should know because, if you will be so kind to notice, the one you shot into Buffy now resides in my side. It digs into your body. Forcing its way into you causing excruciating pain as it moves through the flesh."

He levitated the bullet in front of Warren's chest, inching it closer until it rested against the material of his shirt.

"This one is the one that went into Dawn. It defiled my little girl, my SISTER, damn you. It dug into her, damaging her, even killing her for a moment. The witches cured her and got this obscene little piece out of her body. Don't you think it would be better off damaging you?" With a flick of his finger he sent the bullet digging into Warren's chest heading for his heart. The tiny chunk of lead very slowly forced its way into the flesh, prolonging the agony it was causing.

"Spike." The weak voice penetrated the haze of rage clouding Spike's reason. "Spike, please stop."


	14. Choices

Choices

Disclaimer: Don't own em, right now don't want to own the stubborn little beggars.

Summary: Don't think I'll tell.

Reviews: Yes please. Readers rock but reviewers rule.

A/N: This was a very hard chapter to write. Still not very happy with it but they wouldn't do it any other way. (walking away muttering to self: stubborn blond British vampire never wants to do anything I want him to.....)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

As soon as Spike left the kitchen, Wesley rushed over to Fred and pulled her into a huge hug.

"God, I thought I... we'd lost you." He pressed a swift kiss on her surprised mouth then held her away from him and scanned her for injuries.

Fred blinked in astonishment. "I'm fine. We should check to see if the others are okay. Did anyone call the police?"

Wes nodded. "Cordelia. We need to make sure we can explain everything when they get here."

Giles knelt next to Xander. The younger man was still unconscious and Giles regretted not being able to let Willow heal him as she had Dawn but in order for Warren to go to prison for the crime, they had to have a victim. Since Xander's injuries were not life threatening, he had to be the one. Buffy was up and had moved over to Dawn. Her slayer healing already dealing with the hole through her shoulder. The teenager was awake and sitting up. Her blood soaked clothes were magically replaced by Willow. Tara had gone over to check on Angel who was regaining consciousness. Cordelia came in followed closely by two uniformed policemen who were immediately frozen by Willow. Giles rose from his position next to Xander and followed Spike out the back door.

"There's an ambulance on the way. Where's Spike?" Cordy asked as she checked the room for the wounded. "Oh my God! Xander!" She rushed over to her former boyfriend.

"He's going to be fine." Willow assured her as she continued to comfort Dawn. "We have to let him go to the hospital. Warren needs to be charged for his attempted murder."

"Well, as long as he's going to be okay." Cordy noticed that Angel was still oozing blood. "Angel!" She moved over to the vampire she secretly loved. "Willow? Can you do something for Angel? He's still bleeding. The bullet needs to come out."

Willow knelt next to the dark vampire and held her hand over the hole in his chest. The bullet backed out of the wound and the bleeding stopped. "His vampire healing will take care of the rest of it." The redhead stated.

Angel took a deep unneeded breath and got up. He hugged Cordy to reassure her he would be okay and headed for the back door. Wesley and Fred stayed with Xander to wait for the ambulance. The others in the kitchen followed him and were shocked by the spectacle before them.

Angel gazed around at the others on the porch. Varying degrees of shock and horror were displayed on all the faces. Buffy was staring open mouthed at the blond menace torturing their would-be killer. Dawn ran over to Giles to make sure he was all right. The older Watcher was regaining consciousness and attempting to get up for another go at the enraged vampire. Willow raced over to help Dawn.

The state of suspended disbelief was dispelled by Buffy.

"Spike." She pleaded, her voice weak. "Spike, please stop."

"Buffy. Luv, are you okay?" Spike asked almost idly.

"I'll be fine. Please stop what you're doing." Buffy answered.

"Why should I? He tried to kill you. He did kill Dawn for a second. He shot Xander and Angel. He deserves anything I do to him." Spike told her casually, letting small bolts of lightening dance across Warren's skin. Lazily he circled his victim while the bullet crept further into Warren's chest. He'd forgotten how much fun it was to have a human at his mercy, to torture and cause pain. It was something he'd never really developed a true taste for, but there were times that it could be immensely satisfying.

"Because you're better than this. You've changed. You're not evil. You're a good man and I'm sorry I didn't see it before. I love you." Buffy confessed with tears in her eyes.

"Are you sure? I mean, you weren't so sure the other night. I see a problem with all this, Pet. I don't know if you love me, William or Spike. I figured it out. I am evil. I wouldn't be enjoying this quite so much if I weren't. But there is part of me that doesn't want to be evil. That would be William. He's probably who you love. You have a hard time with the evilness of people. So we have here Spike who is evil and William who's good. Where does that leave me? Can I be both? That really didn't work, did it? Look at what that did. Total meltdown. So I need to find out who I am. I guess it all comes down to a choice. I have to choose who I want to be. Spike or William." Spike's tone never changed. His musing was beginning to seriously worry most of the spectators.

"Spike, you're scaring us. Please stop. We can help you." Tara pleaded. She was the first to voice her concern.

"Sire?" Spike seemed to not hear the plea.

"Yeah, Will?" Angel answered.

"What should I choose?" The question was quietly voiced. Everyone watching seemed to hold their breath waiting for the answer.

Tara came up to stand next to Angel. Her hand on his arm gave him the courage to try to help his Childe sort through his fears. She whispered advice into his ear.

"I think you should just be you. Good and evil can exist in the same person. Most people have the capacity for both. You weren't forced to be both for so long the evil had full charge. So now you get to choose. You never wanted to be evil. It was forced on you by Angelus. Enjoying what you're doing now doesn't make you wholly evil, it makes you normal. He hurt your family and you want him punished. It doesn't mean that you can never be good just because you got a little revenge on the bastard. In your shoes I'd be doing the same thing. Actually, if you weren't doing such a good job, I'd be down there helping you. And I have a soul. Does that make me evil again?" Angel asked.

Spike shook his head slowly, beginning to understand. "So I can do it? I can be good and still have the urge to do bad things? It doesn't make me unlovable? How do I know? Do I still have to be all alone?" His voice never changed inflection. A puzzled frown creased his forehead.

Angel bowed his head at Spike's quiet questions. "No Will, it doesn't make you unlovable. Childe, you are more human than most humans I know. It's not an insult. It just means you're unique. You can choose how the rest of your unlife goes. I chose good. Not because of the soul. I could have chosen to walk in the sun rather than let the soul torment me but I survived. You can too. You just have to choose which path you want to take. We're all here for you. You don't ever have to be alone again." Angel's quiet advice soothed his Childe.

"Peaches?" Spike asked again.

"Yeah, Will?" This time Angel grinned at the growing absurdity of the situation.

"Is everyone okay?" The casual tone was unchanged as the blond continued to torment the captive.

"Xander is still injured. We have to get him to the hospital. He'll be fine. The rest of us are okay." Angel said lazily as he leaned on the porch rail and relished seeing his Childe making Warren writhe in pain. Spike seemed to be contemplating his options and only Angel noticed when Spike's body language changed. He appeared to have come to terms with his conflict. Now, to find out how he'd chosen. "Will?"

"Yes, Sire?"

"Are you having fun yet?"

A feral smile lit Spike's handsome face. "Oh yeah."

"That's nice. But don't you think you should get on with it so we can get help for Xander?" Angel asked idly, curious to see if Spike would kill Warren or force a confession and let the police have him. Everyone was staring in shock at the two vampires acting as if they were discussing nothing more than the weather.

Spike stopped the lightening and froze the bullet digging its way slowly into Warren's chest. It had only entered the flesh by a fraction of an inch but each millimeter it moved caused even more pain. Spike released the seal on Warren's mouth.

"Now, Warren. I want you to tell all these nice people here that you killed your girlfriend. What was her name? Oh yes, Katrina. You remember her? She's the one you tried to frame Buffy with." Spike growled. Angel breathed an unneeded sigh of relief.

"Spike. Wait." Willow called. She teleported one of the policemen to stand next to the captive killer and unfroze him. "Okay. Go ahead."

Spike smiled coldly. Warren started babbling all the crimes he'd committed in the past few months up to and including planning and attempting to kill Buffy and her friends. Spike refroze the cop and removed the bullet from Warren's chest, closing the wound. Then he released the hold he had on Warren's body. He levitated the policeman's handcuffs and fastened them onto the captive's wrists. Then he unfroze the cop and adjusted his memory so he would not recall ever seeing the bullet wound in the suspect's chest. The officer began reading Warren his rights as if he'd just performed a normal arrest. Just before the creep was led away, the vampire moved closer and whispered in his ear. Warren blanched and began begging the officer to please, please take him to jail.

"So, Will. Are you happy now?" Angel called, his tone severe, his eyes amused.

Spike pouted. "Aw, Siiire, I was having fun." He whined, amusement beginning to sparkle in his dark blue eyes. "But, oh yeah, I'm totally happy." With preternatural speed he flew to Buffy's side and gazed into her teary green eyes.

She shoved him away, causing him to wince in pain as his bullet wound made itself known. "Are you telling me you enjoyed that?" She shrieked. Both vampires and a couple of humans winced at the audio assault.

"Ow, Pet. That hurt. I did but... well, yeah, I did. I wanted to kill him for what he'd done. Still do. But I want to go back to the coven more. If I'd killed him, I couldn't finish my studies. I had to choose and I did." Spike explained.

Buffy only heard the part about him wanting to go back to the coven. "You're leaving again?" She asked dejectedly.

"Only for a couple of months. I thought I explained that. I have to finish my courses. What? Are you saying you won't wait for me?" Spike couldn't bear the thought that she'd break his heart again this way.

The petite blonde threw her arms around his neck. "Of course I'll wait. I'm sorry. As long as you promise you'll come back, I'll wait." She told him, knowing full well that if she got him to promise nothing short of dusting would keep him from her side. He caught on to her ploy and hugged her in return.

"I promise." Spike solemnly swore. Suddenly, he remembered his treatment of Giles. Letting go of Buffy, he walked over to where Dawn and Willow were supporting the former Watcher.

"Rupert, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you very much?" Spike asked contritely.

Giles gasped in pain as he attempted to move. "I would have appreciated not hitting the house." He wheezed. Spike concentrated on his friend for a moment and Giles was startled to feel his pain fading away. He straightened up and drew in a deep breath. "That's better. Thank you."

Dawn glared at Spike. "You didn't have to hurt him. He was just trying to help."

Spike's lower lip jutted out in a pout. "Just got carried away is all. You should have seen your face when I threw you against the wall. I'm really sorry I hurt you. I really didn't mean to."

Rupert gave him a look that warned him not to mention it again. Dawn tugged on Spike's arm.

"Don't you think you should release Gunn?" She reminded him.

Spike whirled toward Angel's associate. He walked over and extended his hand to help the man up. "Sorry. You should have said something."

Gunn shook his head. "Just remind me never to piss you off."

The sound of sirens caught everyone's attention. "Xander!" Spike took off at a run to the kitchen.

He burst through the door and skidded on a patch of blood. The smell in the kitchen almost overwhelmed the vampire, turning his stomach, but his focus remained on his wounded friend. Fred was still kneeling next to the injured Scooby. Wesley had gone to the door to guide the paramedics. Xander was awake but in a lot of pain. Spike knelt next to him.

"Listen to me, Whelp. You are going to pull through this. I don't have so many friends that I can afford to loose one." The blond vampire told his young friend.

Xander gave a pained smile. "Think I've heard that before. Wesley told me I'm the designated victim here so we can send Warren away for a long time. Everyone else... okay? Dawnie... is she?" He gasped as a wave of pain made talking difficult.

"Shhhh. Don't try to talk. Everyone's fine. We'll get you to hospital soon. The second they have the proper paperwork, we'll get you all healed up right and proper. Okay, Mate?" Spike told him. Xander just nodded. The paramedics came in and began the process of moving the wounded young man to the hospital. The others slowly came in and watched in silence as their friend was loaded onto a stretcher and carried out of the house. Willow followed the stretcher to the ambulance and made them let her ride with her best friend. The remaining policeman cleared his throat and began taking statements from everyone present. He took photos with the camera kept in the squad car for just such occasions. The forensics team was not needed as they already had a suspect and a confession. All the statements were pretty much the same so it didn't take long for him to finish and leave so they could go to the hospital.

It had long since gotten dark making Spike's artificial cloud cover was no longer necessary so he allowed it to dissipate. Fred, Wesley and Gunn volunteered to stay at the house to clean up but Spike gave the kitchen a casual glance and all evidence of the day's violence was erased. The donuts were even restored to their original fresh state. He magically gathered up the spilled groceries and waved them into their proper cupboards. Buffy was bemused by Spike's casual use of his magic. She was still struggling to grasp the scope of his power. She was the one who noticed that Spike was still sporting a bullet wound in his side.

"Oh my God! Spike, you still have that bullet in you." She tried to lift his shirt for a closer look but it was stuck to his skin by the dried blood.

"Ow, Slayer. Wait a second." Spike winced and pulled away from her searching hands. He held a hand over the site and the bullet backed itself out of its resting place. The hole sealed over and began to heal. He looked around the room at his friends and family. For the first time in hours he noticed that they all looked like extras in a slasher movie. Dawn was the only one of them that didn't have blood on some portion of their body.

"I think we all need to clean up before we go see Xander." He commented wryly. Laughter broke out as they all got past their shock and took their first good looks at each other.

"The only problem I can see is that it will take hours for us all to use the shower here. I suggest we split up and meet at the hospital in... what... and hour and a half?" Giles suggested.

Spike looked thoughtful. "That's an awful long time. Don't want the Whelp to wait that long. How about...?" He closed his eyes and concentrated. Opening them he grinned. "That's better." He said in satisfaction.

Cordelia gasped. "Oh Spike, I love it!" She spun around showing off her new dress. He'd changed everyone's clothing for new outfits, removing all traces of blood while he was at it. Even Dawn got new clothes. He'd given her snug blue jeans, a lavender silk t-shirt and a leather duster similar to Spike's own beloved coat. Murmurs of approval sounded as they each inspected their new looks.

Giles cleared his throat. "Um, Spike?"

"Yeah, Mate?" Spike answered with a slight snicker. He knew what the older man was going to say.

"I didn't bring any luggage with me so I can't change into my own clothes. Did you have to do this?" Rupert asked with more than a little annoyance. Everyone's attention turned to the older man. He was now dressed in a pair of soft faded blue jeans, dark brown boots, a sage green button down shirt and a black leather bomber jacket. He looked...

"Hot." Cordy said in awe. "Giles, you look great."

"Ripper, be glad the jeans aren't torn." Spike told him, dark blue eyes sparkling in devilment. "You needed to loosen up. You dress too old."

"But I don't... really? I look hot?" Giles got distracted as he realized what Cordy had said. Looking down at himself, he decided that Spike's choices weren't so bad after all.

Angel cleared his throat. Spike had put him in all black, knowing his Sire preferred the lack of color, even throwing in a brand new black jacket, leather of course. He'd given everyone a new leather jacket of some sort. "We all look great. Can we go now?" It was evident to everyone but the elder vampire that he was jealous.

"I just wanted to let you all know that this stuff is sort of my way of saying 'I'm sorry'. I didn't mean to be the pain in the ass I know I've been the past few days. And also to say 'Thank you' for sticking by me and not letting me go." Spike announced.

Dawn gave Spike a huge hug. "You can do my shopping any time." She told him. He got a look at the fit of her jeans and gulped.

"Only if I get to lock you in your room, Bit." He threatened, earning a laugh from the others. Wardrobe problems solved, they left for the hospital to collect Xander and Willow.


	15. Soul Searching

Soul Searching

Disclaimer: Still don't own them but want to again.

Summary: Too much fun to go into right now.

Reviews: Yes, please. Everyone who wasn't able to review the last chapter please go back and do it now. THANKS. As always: readers rock but reviewers RULE!

A/N: Not really anything I want to divulge right now, these guys are getting more fun by the day. This story seems to be winding down. Not too many chapters left. Still got a couple of issues to resolve. So just read and enjoy. Don't forget to tell me what you think!

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Spike sat on the back steps of the Summers home smoking a cigarette. He contemplated the red tip of the white cylinder as if it held the answers to the universe. It amused him that after all those months his coffee can filled with sand still sat on the sidewalk waiting for him to stub out his smokes in it. So much had happened in just a couple of days. He was so tired he wasn't sure he could last much longer. The urge to blow off everyone waiting inside the house and just go to bed had to be quelled. He felt her presence at the back door seconds before she spoke.

"Mind if I join you?" She asked quietly, almost shyly. After all they had been through, she still hesitated before she spoke to him.

He turned his head and smiled. "Sure, come on out." He dropped his cigarette into the coffee can and retrieved his beer from the step. "What's on your mind?"

She sat down on the step next to him, careful not to invade his personal space. "I just wanted to make sure you were all right. You've been on quite an emotional roller coaster the past couple of days." Her hand landed on the step next to his and her fingers inched over to entwine with his.

Spike glanced down in surprise at the warm female fingers threading around his own cool hand. "Something you wanna tell me?" He asked in quiet surprise.

Tara laughed. "No, I just felt as if you needed some contact."

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Thank you. I'm fine. Just a bit knackered." He took another sip of beer.

"The crowd in there doesn't help, does it?" She observed.

He grinned. "They mean well."

"That's not something we expect to hear from you." Tara gazed up at him in surprise.

"That's me. One surprise after another." Spike mocked himself quietly.

Smokey blue eyes ran over his profile. "I see your aura and you still surprise me." She told him.

"It's all black isn't it?" He asked somberly.

"No, it's not. You have a lot of different colors in your aura. I did some searching last summer when you lived with us and…" She stopped, unsure how to approach the subject.

"And what, Glenda? You can't just start a sentence like that and leave a bloke hanging on what you're not saying." Spike looked at her curiously.

She bit her lip and wished she'd waited to tell him what she knew. All their friends and family were in the house behind them. The party had been going on since shortly after they'd collected Xander and Willow from the hospital and showed no signs of slowing down anytime soon. The noise from all the people talking was what had driven the two of them to seek the relative quiet of the back porch in the first place.

Inhaling deeply, she tried again. "Last summer after Buffy… when you were… well, Angel told us how you were turned and how you were different from most vampires. I was curious and did some searching." She stopped and lowered her head, hesitant to continue.

Spike turned toward her and lifted her chin with a finger. "Glenda, just tell me. What were you searching for?"

Smoky blue eyes met dark sapphire ones. "I was looking for your soul." She said.

His fingers tightened on hers then he released her hand. His hands shook as he got out a cigarette. The flame of his lighter flickered as he lit it. Bowing his head, he inhaled sharply. "Why?" He asked finally.

"Because I couldn't believe that someone who feels as much as you do could possibly be soulless. I had a theory that your soul had gotten buried deep, so deep you didn't realize it was still there." Tara told him hesitantly.

He flashed a sardonic smile. "Didn't find it did you?"

She gazed at him. The seriousness of her expression making him uncomfortable. "Spike, why do you think it bothered you so much when Buffy kept telling you how evil she thought you were?" She asked instead.

"Because I loved her so much and she didn't believe me. Because I tried so hard to change and it didn't help." Spike confessed quietly.

"That's not the only reason." Tara told him.

"It's not?" He was puzzled.

"No. It's because your soul was fighting to the surface and wanted to be acknowledged. I found it. It was inside you all along. It had been in hiding. Remember the magic containment?" She explained.

He only nodded.

"It was buried even deeper than that. The violence that Angelus instilled in you pushed it so far down you didn't realize it was still there. When you got chipped the violence was curbed and you soul began its long journey back. That's why you've had so manyproblems the past few days. Your soul was making itself felt. It clashed with your demon and the treatment you got from Buffy. You had to reconcile all of it. You did it this afternoon when you chose not to kill Warren. Your soul and your demon made peace. You forced them to acknowledge each other and learn to coexist." Tara held his gaze as she told him what she'd found.

"Are you telling me I won't have to live in alleys and eat rats for a hundred years like my soulful sire?" Spike asked with a slight smile. He wasn't sure he believed what Tara was saying. The thought that she might be right shook him.

She took his trembling hand into hers. "I'm not saying you won't have a few problems. It won't always be easy. You'll have the same choices we all do. Doing the right thing versus being bad. We've just had more practice. We'll be here to help you. Angel was alone, mostly by choice. You have all of us." She held his gaze. "We love you."

He resorted to his usual smirk. "Do we need to tell Red anything, Luv?"

Tara blushed. "You're bad."

"Keep telling you all that, none of you ever listen." Spike teased. He stubbed out his cigarette before finishing his beer. Leaving his hand in her grasp he stood up, pulling her along as he rose. She lost her balance and fell against him. He caught her and held her in a hug.

"I love you too." Spike whispered in her ear. She could feel his grin against her hair. "But you tell anyone, I'll bite you."

Tara laughed outright. She smacked his shoulder and pulled out of his arms. He chuckled at her obvious discomfort. They turned to go back into the house and stopped when they saw Willow glaring at them from the door.

"Hey Red. How's the party?" Spike smiled up at her. He saw the jealousy lurking in her eyes. Tara glanced uncertainly from her girlfriend to the blond vampire. Spike reclaimed Tara's hand, earning a warning glare from the redhead. He tugged the blonde witch up the steps with him and stopped in front of the obviously unhappy Willow. He took Willow's hand into his free one and looked into her stormy eyes. "Relax, we're just having a little soulful chat. I'm not poaching and I gave up on that threesome idea last year."

Willow couldn't help the smile provoked by his teasing. "We were wondering where you both got to."

He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Just needed a little quiet is all." He placed Tara's hand in Willow's. "Now why don't you find a nice dark corner and do a little snogging?" He suggested with a little leer. "Could help with that if you want."

Tara pulled Willow closer and kissed her briefly, her eyes promising more to come. Willow slid her arms around Tara and smiled happily. "No thanks. I think we have it covered." She said before dragging her love to the far side of the porch where a swing waited.

He pulled the door open and smiled at them wickedly. "Right then. I'll just go in and tell everyone that you're indulging in a little quickie out here, eh?"

Both girls giggled at his silliness.

The noise nearly overwhelmed him again as soon as he entered the kitchen. Dawn turned away from the sink and spotted him standing uncertainly just inside the door. She wandered over to him with none of her usual enthusiasm. Stopping right in front of him she gazed up with huge blue eyes. He noticed idly that she didn't have as far to look up as she used to. Spike ran his fingers down a strand of her silky chestnut hair.

"What? No hug for Big Brother Spike? Don't love me anymore?" He wondered quietly.

"Would you really have killed him?" She asked seriously.

He sighed and dropped his gaze. "I really wanted to. He hurt you. You died and I failed to protect you. Again. That by itself is almost enough to make me stake myself. But no, with you standing there watching, I don't think I would have done it." His eyes caught and held hers so she could see the honesty shining in them.

She glanced down at his side. "How are you? That wound healing okay?" She reached out a hand and touched the spot where he'd been shot. Spike covered her small hand with his larger one. Closing his eyes, he inhaled her scent and let peace wash over him.

"I'm fine. Now can I have my hug?" He snaked his free hand around her waist and pulled her closer. "I've missed you so much." He breathed.

She snuggled in like she used to when it was just the two of them against the world. "I missed you too."

"Is this hugfest private or can anyone join in?" Xander's amused voice broke the peaceful little bubble they'd created. Dawn turned to him with a grin to give him his hug but was stunned with the brunette pulled Spike into a bear hug.

"Hey!" Spike protested. "I thought I told you I didn't swing that way any more." He clapped his friend on the back and pulled back to inspect Xander's physical condition. They'd healed him as soon as they were able but he'd lost a lot of blood and had been feeling rather weak.

Xander smiled sheepishly and backed away a little. "I heard what you did. The torturing of Warren but the not killing. Wish I could have seen it. The little bastard deserved every second of pain you gave him."

"Remind me and I'll do a little transference and let you enjoy every bit of it. Okay?" Spike winked at him.

Xander grinned in anticipation. "We'll do it tomorrow. My place. Beer and wings. Then we'll go play pool."

"Sounds like a plan." Spike agreed then yawned.

Dawn blinked at him. "Tired much?" She teased.

Spike nodded briefly. "Been a long day."

A new voice interrupted. "So this is where the guests of honor are hiding." Fred observed with humor shining in her eyes.

Spike looked at Xander and Dawn. "Excuse me. I need to talk to a little scientist." He moved over to Fred and gathered her into his arms. She gasped in surprise. He grinned into her hair. "Thank you." He whispered.

"I didn't do anything." She protested as Xander and Dawn drifted back to the living room, leaving them alone for a minute.

"Oh yes, you did." Spike assured her. "You stalled me and gave Xander time to keep me from doing something stupid. And you explained how people can be gone but still care. In both my lives people have left me. I never understood why. I thought something was wrong with me. That they left because they didn't or couldn't love me. You saved my unlife and helped give me back my sanity. You didn't even know me and you cared. That means a lot to me. I'll never forget it."

Fred backed shyly out of his arms. "I just couldn't leave you like that. I know how it feels to think that the whole world has forgotten you. I also know how much it hurts to think that everyone is against you. Hey, five years in another dimension." She smiled up at him. "I'm just happy I could help. Don't get to do much of that."

He grinned back at her. "Oh, I think you do more than you know." He looped an arm over her shoulders. "Let's go make an entrance." She reached up and wound her fingers through the ones he'd draped over her shoulder. They gazed into each other's eyes as they strolled through the door into the living room full of their friends. Xander shoved another beer into Spike's free hand. All talking in the room stopped as everyone noticed the vampire walk in with his arm around Fred.

Angel stalked over and glared at Spike. "Where have you been? Are you okay?" The elder vampire was still unsure his Childe wasn't going to suffer a relapse and his concern made him gruff.

Spike grinned. "Chill, Peaches. Just having a chat with some friends." He let his sapphire gaze wander around the room. Buffy and Cordelia were seated on the sofa. They were both looking at him standing with Fred tucked up against his shoulder. Cordy was curious but Buffy had jealous sparks shooting from her green eyes. Dawn and Xander were standing off to the side, united in their support of Spike. Gunn and Wesley had been talking to Giles about demonology. Music was playing softly in the background. The noise level had decreased enormously since Spike had come back into the house. The party seemed to be winding down Spike noticed thankfully. He also detected the rise in hostile feelings emanating from certain parts of the room. Gunn and Wesley were both looking at him as if they wished they dared stake him. Buffy was still glaring daggers at him and he grinned. He bent his head and pressed a kiss on Fred's temple. He moved to whisper in her ear.

"Don't look now but we seem to be the center of some major jealousy." He told her.

She giggled as his breath tickled her ear. "You're joking. Right?" She whispered back. To the onlookers it appeared that they were nuzzling lovingly.

He shook his head as his lips found her ear again. "Check out Gunn and Watcher Jr. Let's not forget the Slayer."

Fred ducked her head and peered surreptitiously at the three Spike had mentioned. Sure enough there seemed to be quite a bit of hostility directed at them. She was surprised at the thrill of feminine power it gave her to have both Gunn and Wesley looking at her that way. She gazed back up at Spike, her shining brown eyes locking with his sparkling blue ones.

Giles was observing his fellow ex-watcher with some amusement of his own. He knew very well who Spike's heart longed for. He wasn't one to stop loving someone overnight. He'd heard from Angel how Fred had been the one to comfort Spike when his mind had been fractured. It didn't surprise him at all that the blond vampire was showing affection for the pretty scientist.

Angel could hear Spike and Fred's whispered exchange and smothered a smile of his own. He knew Fred had done something very special for Spike and was not surprised by the easy affection he could sense between them.

The tense silence in the room was broken by the giggles of Willow and Tara as they came in from the kitchen. They halted abruptly when they sensed the hostility floating freely about the room. Tara grinned when she observed the physical closeness of Spike and Fred. That explained a lot. She exchanged a knowing look with her lover and smirked at Spike. "Hey Spike. That corner is free if you want to take care of any… um… cramps." She said innocently.

Fred's jaw dropped and Spike glared at the blonde witch. "No thanks, Glenda. Cramp free today."

Dawn and Xander lost it. They collapsed against each other in fits of giggles. They both remembered Buffy's last birthday party. Xander knew about the 'cramp' reference because of his acquired memories. Tara had told Dawn about it several days after the party, they'd both laughed about it on several occasions. It had been something of a private joke. No one else knew what Tara was referring to.

Fred poked Spike in the side and pulled his head down to whisper a demand for an explanation into his ear. He quickly filled her in and grinned at the blush that suffused her face. Angel coughed to cover his snicker when he heard the short version of the story. He would have to get details later. He looked at his friend and his Childe as they appeared to nuzzle and whisper in each other's ears. He knew they were not deliberately provoking jealousy in their respective mates. Well, maybe not at first. They seemed to be giving each other moral support more than anything else. They both had fragile hearts and knew neither one would hurt the other, unlike the treatment they'd both gotten from past loves. Angel knew that Fred and Gunn had been seeing each other and also knew that things weren't going quite as smoothly as Gunn would have people believe. Wesley carried a torch for their Fred but seemed to be uncertain how to make his feelings known. Fred needed someone unafraid to show his love. Angel had decided days ago that if Spike went running back to Buffy again so quickly, he might stake his Childe himself. She needed to realize that Spike deserved better treatment. He'd heard her declaration of love for Spike but hadn't heard Spike say anything in response. Angel knew Spike still loved the Slayer but he needed time to heal before putting his heart on the line again.

Fred gazed up at the handsome vampire next to her. He was giving Tara a warning look. She tugged on the hand she still held. When she had his attention again, she winked. His face showed his shock but he quickly recovered.

"Why don't you show me that corner? It's getting a little stuffy in here." She suggested sweetly.

His blue eyes widened as he caught her meaning. He nodded without speaking and turned them around to leave without further acknowledgement of anyone else in the room. Willow and Tara shuffled out of the doorway to let the couple through.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Willow wagged a finger at them as they disappeared though the back door.

"Gee, Red, doesn't cover much." Spike grinned wickedly. Fred giggled and pulled the sexy vampire into the shadows of the porch.

In the living room, Angel had his hands full keeping Gunn from following Spike and Fred outside. Wesley merely contemplated the floor with sad blue eyes. Cordy watched the expressions flit across Buffy's face. Anger and jealousy warred for dominance in her green eyes, which made Cordelia unknowingly echo Angel's vow to stake Spike if he went running back to Buffy right away.


	16. I Think I Could

I Think I Could

Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing with them. Right now more fun than pocket lint.

Summary: Oh just read it. You know you want to.

Reviews: Oh yes please. (On my knees begging) Muse works so much better with reviews in the inbox. Thanks to ALL reviewers. Readers rock but reviewers RULE!

A/N: Raiining, where are you? Seriously missed your unique commentary on the last two chapters. Hope I haven't lost you as a reader. Angeloholic, thank you so much. I feel the love. Sibling Creature, you ROCK! And to everyone else I can't remember the names of right now: THANK YOU!!

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Fred and Spike sat in the hanging porch swing that was hidden in the shadows. Spike kept the swing moving lazily by giving the floor a halfhearted kick every so often. He leaned against the arm of the swing while Fred reclined against his chest.

"Think they're still mad?" She asked quietly.

"Do you care?" He countered softly.

She shook her head. She shivered as his hand stroked her long dark hair. She turned in his arms to face him. Her face tilted up to his and she pressed a soft kiss on his surprised mouth. He recovered quickly and returned the caress. She pulled back slightly and gazed into his sapphire eyes. He traced her delicate features with a gentle hand.

"Are you sure, Sweetling?" He questioned with a whisper. She nodded and caught his mouth in a deeper kiss. He gasped as he opened his lips to allow her exploration. She slid a slender hand around his neck and held him in place while she continued the kiss. He backed up slightly and broke the contact.

"I think this should be your line, but… this is kind of sudden don't you think?" He whispered as he stroked a finger along her lips.

She took his hand in hers and nibbled his fingertip then kissed the tiny injury. He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes as sensation suffused his entire body. She had an overwhelming urge to taste that lip herself. Following the impulse she captured his full lower lip and nibbled it as she had his finger. He deepened the contact before breaking away panting for unneeded breath.

"I've wanted to do this since we danced the other night. There's something about you that I identify with." She told him, tracing his lean face with her slender fingers. Marveling at his sculpted cheekbones and beautiful blue eyes.

He smiled at her, shaking his platinum head. "But you don't love me." He stated surely.

"I think I could." She surprised him again. "Very easily." She caught his mouth again. "Besides, we're only kissing." She teased before continuing with the mind numbing kisses she was treating him to. Her warm fingers ran along his sensitive neck and reached around to play with the tiny curls at the back of his head. He shivered at the contact. She shifted so that her slender body slanted across Spike's muscled torso allowing her to sit on his lap. Her head rested on his shoulder. She found her lips close to his sensitive neck and kissed it, smiling at the tremor that ran along his lean body. A low growl sounded deep in his chest.

"Keep that up and it'll be more than kissing." He warned shakily. She giggled and snuggled closer. She took the hint and lessened her teasing of the sexy vampire. He heaved an exaggerated sigh of relief. Fred placed her hand on his chest over the spot where his unbeating heart rested. He anchored it there with his own cool hand. She giggled again.

"Now I'm funny?" He mock complained, glaring down at the small female in his arms.

She shook her head. "I just realized that I've never necked with a vampire before." She admitted.

Spike grinned. "You know what they say. Once you go vamp, you never go back."

She laughed in his face. "That's the silliest thing I've heard in a long time." She told him.

His lower lip poked out in a pout, providing an almost irresistible temptation for Fred. She captured the inviting lip between her white teeth and tortured them both by nibbling on it again. His moan matched hers as he deepened the kiss, making them both dizzy. He pulled away as they panted for breath.

"Ah, we're going to have to deal with… um… a cramp if we don't slow down." He gasped.

She rested against his chest. "I know. It's a little too soon for… um… cramps." She smiled at his analogy. He returned her smile and rested his forehead against hers.

"I never expected this you know." He said softly, placing a chaste kiss on the end of her nose.

She pressed a similar kiss on his chin. "Neither did I." She admitted. "I wish I didn't have to go back to LA."

He pulled her close again. "Don't go. Stay with me." He whispered.

Fred looped an arm around Spike's neck and buried her face. "I have to go." She said against his cool skin, making him shiver. "Besides, you're going back to England." She reminded him.

"Right, I sort of forgot about that." Spike rested his head on hers. "Can we open a link?"

She pulled back and looked up at him, puzzled. He explained. "I can form mental links with people so I can talk to them at any time from any distance…"

"Like with Xander and Dawn?" She finally got it. "Why do you have a link with Xander?"

"Damned if I know." He chuckled. "Something about 'guy time'. We'd have to ask Niblet." He hesitated. "Can we? Open a link between us? I won't do it without your permission."

She nodded shyly. "I don't know how though." She gazed up at him solemnly. He closed his eyes and concentrated.

'Sweetling?' He sent.

She jumped as his voice echoed in her head. 'Spike?' She asked silently.

He grinned. 'See how easy that was?'

'Wow.' Was all she sent back. He closed the link and opened his eyes.

"You can say that again." He murmured, kissing her once more. She was breathless again when they stopped.

He raised his head as he sensed someone approaching the kitchen door. Xander eased the door open with one hand covering his eyes. The grin on his face told the couple that everyone pretty much knew what they'd been doing the whole time they'd been gone.

"Fred? Are you done molesting Spike yet?" Xander teased.

Fred shifted her position. She no longer sat in Spike's lap but continued to lean against his shoulder. "I'll have you know that the molesting was mutual." She answered sassily. They shared a smile.

"Harris, go away and get your own girl." The blond vampire grumbled.

Xander lowered his hand and peeked, breathing a sigh of relief that it was safe to look. "I would but they're all taken, except for Dawnie of course and I don't think I want you killing me just yet." He hastened to add as he heard Spike growl at the mention of Dawn in that context. "Besides, don't much go in for dating little sisters."

"Nice save. Why are you bothering us?" Spike asked in frustration, missing the kisses already.

Xander wandered a little closer. "Angel wanted to know if Fred was going back to the motel with the rest of them. Or if she was going to stay with you. And I just went into a whole new level of denial by asking something so personal. And no, he did not ask me to ask you that close enough for Gunn, Wes or Buffy to hear."

The no-longer-evil blood-sucking fiend glared at his friend, then ruined the effect by yawning.

"Tell Peaches you succeeded in ruining a perfectly good snogging session and we'll be there in a minute." Spike waved a hand in dismissal, turning back to the pretty scientist snuggled up to him. Xander took the hint and retreated back into the house.

"Spike? What's snogging?" Fred asked curiously.

Spike kissed her. "Kissing."

He hugged her close. "Cuddling."

He placed a cool kiss on her long slender neck. "Necking."

He kissed her nose. "Making out. All the good stuff that leads to… cramps." He smiled at the look on her face.

"I like it." She told him seriously despite the sparkle in her brown eyes.

"Hmmm. Me too." He murmured against her lips.

She pushed him away with regret. "It's late. We need our sleep. I think the gang wants to go back to LA tomorrow."

Spike frowned. "So soon?"

Fred nodded sadly. "We've been away for a while. We have to get back."

"Can I transport there and visit?" Spike asked hesitantly.

"Yes. Now will you two hurry up and come on? People need their sleep." Angel interrupted from the doorway. "And we're not leaving tomorrow. At least not all of us. Willow wants to talk to me before we go. You two can see each other later. Wes and Gunn have already left for the motel. Rupert went with them. I got him a room there. Buffy got mad and went to bed. So it's safe to come in and say goodnight to Dawn. Fred, Xander is giving you and Cordy a ride. Spike, I suggest you sleep in your crypt tonight, with the protection barrier in place. I'm walking you back." He held the door open and waited for them to enter before following them and locking up behind them.

Dawn hugged Spike tightly. "I love you, regardless of what you choose to do." She whispered.

Spike looked at her in confusion. "I love you too Bit." He watched as she raced up the stairs to her room.

Willow and Tara both hugged Spike before going up to their room. Xander used his key to lock the front door after he, Angel, Spike, Fred and Cordy left the house. They walked out to his sedan waiting by the curb.

Spike and Fred hung back a little. He pulled her into his arms and gave her a lingering kiss good night. Cordy put a hand under Fred's elbow and gently pushed her into the car. Angel snagged Spike by the back of the neck, turned him away from the curb and began walking with him up the sidewalk. Xander exchanged amused looks with Cordy as they watched Fred twist in her seat to watch Angel and Spike's retreating forms.

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"Siiire! What? Ow! Let go!" Spike wrenched himself out of his Sire's iron grasp.

Angel glared in exasperation at his wayward Childe. "Didn't you just this afternoon ask Buffy if she'd wait for you while you were in England? And didn't you also promise to come back to her?" Angel asked angrily.

Spike stopped in his tracks and looked at Angel in horror. "Bloody Buggering Hell!" He swore more, fluently, in at least three demonic languages.

Angel tried to stay angry with the younger vampire. "Will. Do you love Buffy?" The question came out quieter than the last ones.

Spike stared at the sidewalk. "Yes." He answered softly, a world of pain in the one word.

The elder vampire nodded. "Are you still in love with her?"

The dark blue eyes flashed up at his Sire in surprise. He hadn't thought about it that way before. He knew he loved Buffy but he wasn't sure anymore that he was in love with her. She'd done more damage to his heart than anyone knew. Just two days ago she wasn't even sure she loved him. He still had a hard time accepting the declaration she'd made earlier. He'd just been so happy to finally hear the words he'd been waiting for that he'd made promises he wasn't sure he still wanted to keep.

Angel nodded his understanding of Spike's silence. "Do you love Fred?" He asked, shocking his Childe again.

Spike smiled involuntarily. "I think I could. Very easily." The glow in his sapphire eyes told Angel more than any words could have. The admission was more telling than the blond knew. Angel grasped Spike's arm and guided him down the sidewalk toward the crypt.

"You need to get into your crypt and stay there. I don't think Wesley will try to harm you but Gunn is definitely out for your head. Buffy isn't any too happy with you either." Angel advised.

"How did I manage to bollocks things up this time?" Spike asked in disgust.

"Well, I'd say going out to the back porch with Fred was not one of your brighter ideas." The elder vampire noted.

"Was her idea." Spike said defensively. "Always make the lady happy, I say." He fell silent for a moment remembering the feel of Fred's lips on his. Angel noticed with amusement that Spike's attention was no longer with him. From the dreamy look on the blond's face, Angel knew exactly what the distraction was.

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Cordelia sat sideways in her front seat and watched Fred as she strained to keep the two handsome vampires in sight. They faded into the darkness just as she saw Spike stop and look at Angel with horror. The expression on Spike's face scared her.

"Is Angel angry with Spike?" She asked her companions nervously.

Xander shook his head. "He just needed to remind Spike of something he said earlier today." He explained.

Cordy nodded. "It's not anything you did. Personally I think you and Spike could be very good for each other."

Fred smiled dreamily. "He's so sweet." She sighed.

Cordy laughed. "I never thought I'd hear that word to describe Spike, but I think maybe he can be."

"He's changed a lot, Cor. You have no clue what he's been through." Xander said quietly.

"There were a few visions I didn't share with anyone because there wasn't anything they could do. It was pretty frustrating to see it happening and not be able to help. So yeah, I do have a clue. It was pretty bad. I was thinking earlier that I might stake Spike myself if he goes back to Buffy." Cordy lowered her voice so Fred wouldn't hear.

Xander laughed. "Stand in line." What she'd just said sunk in. "Why would you get visions if there wasn't anything you could do about it? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of the visions? Wish I'd known what was happening." He finished soberly.

"You couldn't have helped either. It was something they both had to go through. We just need to be here for them now." Cordy patted his arm.

They looked into the back seat when they heard Fred squeak. A perfect red rose had appeared on her lap with a note attached. 'I think I could. Very easily.' It read in beautiful old-fashioned script. A happy smile lit her lovely face as she sniffed the delicate fragrance.

Cordy melted at the completely romantic gesture. Xander just shook his head with a smile. His buddy sure knew how to impress the ladies.


	17. Intervention

Intervention

Disclaimer: I don't own them, Joss would never be as evil as my muse has decided to be.

Summary: I ain't telling.

Reviews: YES, PLEASE. Readers rock but reviewers RULE.

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Giles moved through the abandoned Magic Box slowly, shaking his head over the thought that Anya would just up and leave their investment. He knew she'd been devastated when Xander had left her at the altar but to ditch her source of income as she had surprised him. He'd called a meeting and felt that they would be less likely to be interrupted here, the place of so many prior Scooby meetings. He decided he needed to look into getting someone else to run the shop. It would provide a tidy little income that he could funnel into Buffy's accounts. Today's meeting was not your normal run of the mill Scooby meeting. In fact, the only Scoobies invited were Tara, Dawn and Xander, the boy being the only original member of the little gang. Angel and Cordelia were the first to arrive. Cordy, who'd never been in the shop was impressed with the layout and décor.

"Did you have any trouble getting away?" Giles asked Angel as they watched the seer wander around the shelves.

The dark vampire shook his head. "Wes and Gunn decided to go back to LA. They're pretty mad at Spike. They think he cast some sort of spell over Fred. They went back to research how to break it."

Cordy snorted. "The only spell the bleached menace cast was charm. Do you know he sent her a rose last night? I know some guys who could take lessons." She got a cloth and began wiping dust from the research table.

Angel grinned. "So that's what he was doing." He muttered. At the puzzled looks from his companions he continued. "We were talking and he just stopped paying attention. That must have been when he did it."

While they were laughing, Tara and Dawn arrived. "Buffy thinks we're shopping and going to the movies so we have several hours." Dawn said in a rush. "What's so funny?"

Giles shook his head. "Nothing much." He said smiling. Xander blew through the door with a familiar white box.

"I come bearing donuts." He announced. "It's a research meeting right? Can't do it without sugary pastry goodness." He finished with a grin. "So, what's the looming threat?"

Giles cleaned his glasses. He cleared his throat. Pocketing his handkerchief and replacing his glasses, he looked around the small group who'd taken seats around the table. "We have to decide what to do with Buffy. She could be a threat to Spike and Fred's safety. Her jealousy could destabilize her enough that she may try to harm one or both of them. We cannot let her get to that point."

Xander closed his eyes. A frisson of fear chased down his spine. He really didn't want to see his best friend going down that destructive path again. The way she'd treated Spike before brought images to his brain that made him sorely wish for a drink. He gulped audibly and opened his eyes. The realization that he was the center of attention had him groping for a donut. He looked at it and laid it down on a napkin without tasting it.

"We so totally don't want her taking her temper out on Spike." He whispered.

Cordelia nodded her agreement soberly, earning a puzzled look from Angel. She shot him a look and mouthed the word 'visions' at him. He grimaced his understanding.

Dawn noticed the seriousness that everyone was treating the matter and began to fear for her brother and her sister. She'd harbored hopes that they would eventually get together but had come to realize that Buffy would never be quite willing to completely trust Spike.

Tara gazed around at the group. "Did you know that Spike has his soul?" She asked.

The only one who didn't look shocked was Angel. He'd sensed the difference and hoped that the reemergence of his Childe's soul would not give him the century of torment that had plagued him. A small part of him was jealous that the younger vampire might not go through the suffering; the blond pain in the ass always seemed to land on his feet without the accompanying problems. A tiny Spike-sounding voice make itself known in the back of Angel's mind. 'And just what do you think he's been going through the past few days, you ponce?'

Giles removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had suspected something of the sort, given how prone the blond vampire was to all-too-human emotions. He cleared his throat.

"Yes. I can certainly see how that could be. But that shouldn't make a difference. He's still the same Spike who's annoyed us for the past several years. Now we need to figure out how we're going to keep him safe from Buffy. She's not going to suffer what she sees as his betrayal with Fred lightly. Even with a soul, she'll make his life miserable. We need to find out when he plans to go to back to England. That may be the only way to keep him from injury. Then we need to ensure that Fred is also protected. She should return to Los Angeles as soon as we get Spike shipped off to the coven. I really don't want to separate them but for the time being, it might be our only hope of keeping them safe and Buffy from doing something irreparable." He slipped his glasses back onto his nose.

They bounced various ideas around for several hours. By noon they were no closer to an answer than when they started.

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Secure in the knowledge that Dawn and Tara would be out for a while, Buffy had no qualms about going to the Espresso Pump for coffee when the unexpected invitation was issued. She spent quite a while chatting and venting while she sipped her coffee. She was happy to spend time with her friend and catch up. It gave her the chance to let off some steam about Spike and his fickle heart.

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Spike sat upright in his bed. The snap of a violently severed link had woken him. Shaking in fear, he opened each link. Three of them were there and intact. One was not. Terror made him scramble back to the wall. His scream was silent and echoed through his mind and the three minds he was linked to.

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In the Magic Box, Xander was the first to clasp his head in pain. Dawn grew pale and her blue eyes glazed over. Angel leapt up and paced, waiting for his Childe to calm down enough to tell him what was wrong. He couldn't understand the problem and settled for convincing Spike to transport there and tell them what happened. The blond vampire materialized and the group instantly knew something very serious had happened. He was barefoot and shirtless. He had his pillow clutched tightly to his chest and as soon as he appeared he scrambled to the nearest wall and huddled there rocking and crying.

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Fred rolled over and yawned. It had taken her quite a while to fall asleep. She'd thought about Spike for several hours and the tingles she felt whenever she remembered the kisses they'd shared gave her a warm glow. She stretched her slender arms above her head and smiled happily. She would see Spike again soon. It slowly sank into her scientific mind that something wasn't quite right. She opened her eyes… and screamed.


	18. Lost

Lost

Disclaimer: Wish I owned them.

Summary: I don't want to tell you. Just read it okay? Thanks.

Reviews: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. Readers rock but reviewers RULE!!

A/N: Spike's song is actually a poem by a lovely Denny's server (don't ask) named Carole, internet name Gincoco. Only part of the poem has been used (so far). Thanks Carole for letting me use it. The title of the poem is 'If You Choose To Love Me'. Pressie for everyone, an extra long chapter to make up for the really short last one.

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Angel approached his traumatized Childe slowly. The blond had been huddled against the wall rocking and crying for almost five minutes. He'd repulsed everyone's attempts to calm him down. Dawn and Xander both had to consciously close their links to block out Spike's mental wailing. Angel kept his link open in an attempt to break through the wall of terror and anguish. The only word that had leaked through had been 'Fred' repeated over and over. Giles and Cordy were dispatched to the motel to check on the scientist. The rest waited tensely for them to return.

Angel sat on the floor in front of Spike. He gazed at the younger vampire thoughtfully.

'When would they get a break?' He wondered. Just when it seemed things would improve something else happened to put them right back in hell again. The elder vampire bowed his head and heaved an unneeded sigh. Once more he followed the link and attempted to calm down the distraught vampire.

Giles and Cordelia came back into the shop. The expressions on their faces were telling. Fred was nowhere to be found. It seemed that she had just disappeared from her bed. It stymied them as to how that had happened.

Spike looked up at them with tear filled eyes. "It's my fault. Everyone I touch gets hurt. I kissed her and now she's gone. Our link is severed. She's gone." He repeated.

Angel focused on one sentence. "You have a link with Fred?" He asked in confusion.

"HAD! She's not there any more. The link is broken!" Spike yelled in frustration.

"I could have loved her." He mumbled into the pillow. The heartbroken words touched every one watching.

"I wish I'd never been born." He yelled suddenly. The words had the effect of a bomb dropping in the dead silent room.

Xander raised his head. He'd been resting it on the table trying to recover from the headache he'd gotten from Spike's mental anguish. "Never say 'wish'." He instructed.

Dawn looked over at Giles, fear shining in her crystal blue eyes. "Could Buffy have anything to do with this? You don't think she…?" The teenager couldn't finish the question. No one wanted to voice the possibility that Buffy could have harmed Fred in any way.

Angel put a gentle hand under Spike's chin and raised his face. "Will, try to contact Fred. If she's not… if she's still alive you might be able to reach her."

Spike closed his eyes, tears leaking out and sliding down his face. Desperately he attempted to link with the pretty scientist who had captured his heart. He stretched his senses out and searched for her but she was nowhere to be found. He ached with loss. Clutching his pillow tighter, he gave up with an anguished moan and went back to rocking. Angel grasped Spike's face more firmly and forced the younger vampire to stop and look at him.

"Will, try again. You can't give up. Use your power and reach out. You can do it." Angel ordered.

Spike suddenly threw the pillow across the room. Wrenching his face from his Sire's grasp, he leaped up to pace.

"Don't you think I've tried?" He shouted. "She's not there. The link snapped. That's what woke me up. It's like she just winked out of existence." His voice cracked on the last sentence. He stalked over to the bookshelf and began pulling books out, shuffling through them frantically before discarding them on the floor, one after the other. Dawn moved over to him and placed a calming hand on his bare arm. He stopped as abruptly as he started. Letting a final book fall to the floor he slipped his arms around the brunette teenager. She ran her hands up his bare back and held him close, letting him know he was not alone and they would find Fred as soon as they could.

Something Spike said struck a chord in Giles. He cleaned his glasses once more, frowning in concentration. Replacing his glasses, he walked over to the blond vampire.

"Spike." He began hesitantly. "Could you tell me how it felt when the link snapped? Did it feel as if she… died? Or… or was it as if she just vanished?" The former Watcher asked.

Spike let go of Dawn and began pacing again, thinking hard. He ran his hands through his short blond curls and frowned. The feeling had been familiar. He'd felt it only once before. Of course the only link he'd had for over a century had been with… Angel. He looked at his Sire in shock, stopping in his tracks.

"If felt like… when Buffy… sent… Peaches to… hell." He stammered.

Angel's head snapped up. "What?" He asked. "You mean when I was sent to the hell dimension, you felt it? It felt the same way?" The dark vampire sought clarification.

Spike nodded, frowning. "I was carrying Dru to the car and I felt it. She stabbed you through the stomach and sent you through the portal. The link snapped the same way, suddenly. Violently. But I don't understand. How could it be the same?"

Tara frowned, trying to remember something she'd heard from Willow. Something about another dimension. Fred had been in another dimension. "Could she have been sent back to…?" She began.

Cordy went cold. "Sent back to Pylea." She whispered. The dark haired seer wrapped her arms around herself. She'd only spent a few days in the other dimension but Fred had spent five years there. The scientist hadn't been quite sane when they brought her back. Returning to Pylea would only do the other girl harm.

Giles took a chair. "Dear Lord."

"We have to get her back." Dawn stated the obvious.

Spike looked around the room, searching for… there it was. His pillow still rested against the far wall where it had landed during his temper flare. Angel followed his Childe's line of vision and saw the pillow. He intercepted the blond on his way to pick it up.

"No, you don't. You're staying with us. We'll get her back. I promise." The elder vampire swore.

Dark sapphire eyes found chocolate brown ones. "Keep your promise this time?" Spike whispered, desperately heartbroken.

Angel looked away before closing his eyes. He'd broken many promises to this Childe. It was the main reason that Spike was so determined never to break a promise. He knew how it felt to be disappointed over and over. Looking back into the sad blue eyes of his biggest regret, he made up his mind this was one promise he would keep. Even if it meant he'd be dust before it was over. "Yes, Will. I'll keep this one." He whispered back.

The others observed the scene in silence. Xander broke the spell. "How could she be sent back? Don't you need a portal of some sort? The only one I know who could do that is… oh my God. Tara, where was Willow when you left the house?" He turned to the blonde witch. His eyes pleading with her to tell him Willow had nothing to do with this current crisis.

Tara shook her head slowly, denying the possibility that her love could do something so cruel. "She was sleeping. A spell of this magnitude wouldn't have been possible so fast. She would have needed to come here for supplies and we were here the whole time."

Cordelia went over to Angel and held out her hand. "Give me your phone." She demanded. He handed it over obediently.

"Are you calling Wes?" The elder vampire questioned.

"No. I'm calling Lorne." The seer stated firmly, pushing buttons quickly.

The Sunnydale residents looked at Angel for an explanation.

"Lorne is a demon. He's from Pylea. He reads people's auras. Not like you do, Tara. He sees their futures and whether or not they're lying. He can help us get back to Pylea and rescue Fred." Angel told the group.

"Cordy, tell him to bring the books." The dark vampire instructed. She nodded and passed the order on.

Spike glanced from Cordy to Angel. "Let me transport him." He requested quietly.

Cordy relayed the request to the green demon and nodded. "He says okay."

Spike stood in front of Angel. "Picture Lorne." He said. "I need to know what he looks like. Send his image along the link." Angel nodded.

The younger vampire closed his eyes and concentrated. Holding the image of Angel's demon friend firmly in his mind, he focused a big portion of his power on bringing the Pylean to Sunnyhell.

"So Princess, when can I expect to… Oh, I guess I'm here." The large green demon closed his cell phone and looked around. "Angelcakes. Good to see you. Who am I here to read?"

Cordy closed the phone she was using. "No one. Fred's been sent back to Pylea. We have to go get her."

Lorne nodded. "But you didn't give me a chance to get the books, Beautiful." He told Spike, admiring the handsome young vampire.

The blond wizard gritted his teeth. "Damn, buggered it again." He muttered. He glared at the new arrival. "Picture the books, Peaches." He ordered, shoving his hand through his hair again. Angel nodded silently and did as his Childe instructed. A few minutes later the required tomes were resting on the research table tempting Giles.

Lorne sat at the table next a completely wigged out Xander and helped himself to a donut. His red eyes noticed the young man's unease and patted him on the arm.

"Not to worry, Precious. I'm harmless. Unless of course you're the one who exiled my Fredikins." He assured Xander.

Xander shook his head numbly. "I wouldn't do that. It would hurt Spike." He said without thinking. Everyone smiled at his slip. The whole hating Spike thing was now totally in the past.

Lorne looked over at the blond vampire with new interest. "And just why would that hurt Spike?" He wondered out loud. He got up from his chair and approached a suddenly nervous Spike. "Sing for me, Sweetling."

Spike went even paler than he already was. "Don't call me that." He growled. He spun around searching for his pillow and was immensely frustrated to notice that Angel had moved it. It was nowhere to be seen.

Dawn went over to her vampire and put her arms around him. Resting her head on his bare shoulder, she gazed up at his tense profile.

"Spike, if it will get Fred back, please sing for him. She's alone and scared and is waiting for us to rescue her. You know that." She told him gently.

He closed his eyes and swallowed. He glanced down at the teenager in his arms, the pain in his eyes reminded her of the bad days after Buffy's death. Inhaling sharply, he nodded once.

"If it will help get Fred back." He relented. "Do you need music, lights, what? Name it and I can do it." The blond wizard dared the green demon to request something he couldn't do, a sure impossibility.

Lorne smiled. "Just sing for me. I think we can dispense with the accompaniment. Anything you want as long as it's at least one verse." He deliberately left off any nicknames, not wanting to further antagonize the supremely tense vampire.

Spike closed his eyes again and began to sing a song no one had heard before. It had a very simple melody and the words would haunt the listeners for a long time.

'My heart is looking for a brand new start

So if you choose me don't break my heart

It's healing and looking for love again

So if you want just be my friend

Don't make promises you can't keep

Because my scars go very deep'

Lorne held up a hand. His other hand pressed against his temple. "That's enough, Gorgeous. You aren't lying there. I got it. Go take a break. And if you ever decide to go pro, give me a call. I want to be your agent."

Turning to Angel, he lowered his voice. "If you want to give him back his pillow, I wouldn't blame you."

The elder vampire gave his friend a startled look. "What did you see?" He asked. The green demon merely motioned for a meeting around the research table. Leaving Dawn and Spike in their own little bubble, the others gathered around him to find out what he'd seen. The teenager and the vampire went over and sat down on the steps leading up to the restricted section. She sat with her back to his front and let him cling to her much like he had with the pillow. With one arm around her waist and the other crossing her chest with the hand clasping her shoulder. His hold was light, applying no pressure. She rested her chin on his forearm.

Lorne cleared his throat and glanced around. "Is there any water? I'm feeling a little dry." Tara got up and fetched him a glass from the small bathroom in the back of the shop.

"Thank you, Darling." He took another look at the blond witch. "My, my, you are a powerful one, aren't you?"

She blushed and stared at the table. "M…my girlfriend is the one with all the power." She mumbled.

"Don't sell yourself short, Sweetie. You haven't begun to tap your power yet. I wouldn't mind being in the audience when you realize your potential." Lorne smiled kindly at the blushing girl.

"And speaking of untapped potential, Angelcakes, you didn't tell me your Childe was such a deep well of power. He could destroy the universe in a blink if the wrong person pissed him off. But he never will because he couldn't bear harming those he loves." Lorne held Angel's gaze soberly.

Giles nodded absently. It fell into the same line of thinking the high priestess had offered so long ago. He continued leafing through the fascinating books in front of him, wondering if it would be possible to keep the books for a while. They would provide weeks of research opportunities for him. Lorne gave him a strange look before continuing his narrative.

"He's very conflicted. He loves that girl, Buffy. He made promises to her. As cruel as she was to him, his loyalty is astounding. But he's falling in love with Fred. He hasn't any clue what happened to Fredikins but he's blaming himself. He does that a lot, taking the blame, even if he had nothing to do with it."

Cordelia looked puzzled. "How can he be falling in love with Fred? He's only known her a few days. He wasn't even all there for one of them."

Angel gazed at her, his dark eyes unreadable. "It doesn't take long for similar souls to recognize one another. That's what happens when you hear about what they call 'love at first sight'." He suddenly found his fingers very interesting. "But sometimes it takes longer for some souls to know each other."

Lorne gazed at each person at the table. "He has one of the purest souls I've ever read. How did he survive being a vampire all those years without going completely off his tracks?"

Angel studied the table intensely. "He was very pure, very innocent when he was turned. Angelus instilled so much violence in him the soul got buried. It only came back recently. Same with the magic. It resurfaced last year." The vampire admitted quietly.

Lorne nodded. "I see."

The peaceful demon took another sip of his water. "Anyway, he can open the portal to Pylea. She is there. I can tell that much by the link he shares with her. I saw her being pulled into the portal. He's not aware of it because he was sleeping at the time so all he knows was that the link snapped when the portal closed. What I don't know is, who opened the portal in the first place? Who had it in for sweet little Fredikins?"

Xander spoke for the first time since his inadvertent admission of not wanting to hurt Spike. "What's with the pillow? I noticed recently he's taken to strangling innocent bedding."

"It's a security thing. Something to hold onto while his world flies out of control. He hates not having control. He feels that if he can hold on tight enough he maybe he can regain control. He feels as if his whole existence is being torn apart. The pillow helps hold it in, dulls the pain if you will. It's his way of holding on to his sanity. Something he's not been real successful with recently, I see. His other anchor is the Sweet Bit he's got his arms around right now. She keeps him grounded, his love for her is endless. How long have you all had the Key? Not that I'm interested in the whys and wherefores, I'm just surprised to see it in human form. And a slayer's sister at that, very clever. Guaranteed safety." Lorne focused his attention on Giles, knowing he had the answers.

"Dawn is no longer the Key." The former Watcher stated stiffly.

Lorne shook his head. "She will always be the Key. It's just that she doesn't open anything anymore. There's no lock that she fits. The power that she was formed from is only a little older than the power he holds."

He waved his hand dismissively. "No matter, we need to get back to Fred. As I said Spike can open the portal. He can do it whenever he wants. We'll need some supplies before we go. Fortunately with our Wonderful Wizard over there we won't have to wait for a new portal to get back so we should be able to go in grab our lost scientist and zip right back."

Dawn and Spike had been listening to the green demon's dissertation. The teenager gazed up at the tense profile. "Spike, did you hear? We can get Fred back. YOU can get her back." She whispered.

He merely closed his eyes in relief, not willing to risk speaking. His entire body trembled as the tension began to lessen. He hadn't been happy to have his soul bared before the whole group, but if it meant getting Fred back, he'd endure anything. It felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest.

Angel's phone shattered the silence that had fallen over the group after Lorne finished speaking.

"Hello?" He answered the summons. His dark eyes centered on Tara. He covered the mouthpiece. "It's Willow." He said softly.

Giles glanced up from the book he was engrossed in. "It's okay. Tell her we're here."

Angel returned to the phone. "Yes, Willow. I'm here. We're at the Magic Box. Come on over. No, we're not plotting against you." He chuckled at her outrageous suggestion.

"Okay. We'll see you shortly." He closed the phone.

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Fred sat on the floor of her cave in shock. She couldn't understand why she was back in the hole she'd spent five years trying to survive. If it weren't for the fact that she was wearing her new pajamas, she would believe the whole getting rescued by Angel and his friends had been a dream. She attempted to open her fragile new link with Spike but couldn't find him anywhere. After a long morning of trying she realized that the link couldn't bridge the dimensions. She retreated to a hidden corner of the cave and prayed that they would realize where she was and come for her. Her sanity wouldn't let her believe any differently. To think even for a second that rescue was not on the way meant spiraling down into madness. Sitting with her back against the rough cave wall, she wrapped her arms around her legs. Closing her eyes, she visualized Spike and repeated her prayer over and over.

"The handsome man will save me, the handsome man will save me. Please Spike, save me." Tears fell silently down her delicate face as she mumbled the refrain.

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Willow and Buffy breezed into the Magic Box chatting happily about their morning. The group turned as one as the girls advanced into the room. Buffy was telling Willow about a song she'd heard on the radio and sang a small bit of the chorus.

Lorne spun around in his chair and glared at the petite blond. Menace colored his voice. "What did you think you were doing?"


	19. Be Careful What You Wish For

Be Careful What You Wish For

Disclaimer: Saving all my pocket lint for Christmas. Not owning anything else.

Summary: Wishes and confrontations.

Reviews: YES, YES, YES. Please, please review and I'll put in a good word with Santa. Readers rock but reviewers RULE!!!

A/N: Sorry if some of you think Lorne is a little OOC but as I've said in previous stories, I never watched Angel much. Up until the last season, hmmm… wonder why. ;-) All I remember of Lorne is that he calls people by sweetie-pie nicknames. This was a hard chapter to write cause I know where I want to go but not sure how to get there. So read and review please and I promise to do better next time.

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Buffy automatically reached for a weapon. Seeing a demon seated comfortably at the research table unnerved her. Her first instinct was to kill first, ask questions after. But the sight of her teenage sister in the arms of a half naked vampire wiped all thoughts of killing out of her mind, well, maybe not all thoughts. The vampire wrapped around Dawn could be a prime candidate for dusting. She surveyed the store and centered her attention on the one most likely to give her some answers.

"Angel, tell me what is going on here before I start slaying." The petite blond demanded.

Angel held a hand up to stall the Slayer and turned to Lorne. "What did you see?"

Lorne continued staring at Buffy. "It occurs to me that maybe she didn't know what it was she was doing. But it is her fault that Fredikins is gone."

Buffy's mouth dropped open in disbelief. "I don't know what you're talking about. Something happened to Fred? I didn't have anything to do with it. I mean, the last time I saw her I was bugged because she was dragging Spike out to the back porch but I wouldn't hurt her. She's human for Pete's sake. I mean, she is human isn't she?" She appealed to Angel to assure her that the missing scientist was in fact human.

"Yes, she's human, Buffy." Angel sighed. "Lorne, what is going on here?"

Spike kissed the top of Dawn's head and released her from his grasp. Nudging the teenager to move over, he rose from the step and advanced on the puzzled Slayer. Moving to stand in front of her as she hovered near the step just inside the door, he heaved an unneeded sigh and ran a shaking hand through his unruly curls.

"Buffy, what did you do today?" He asked exasperatedly.

She crossed her arms. "Why should I tell you?" She glared at him, making sure she looked him up and down. In spite of herself, she found the sight of his uncovered chest rather enticing.

He followed her gaze and huffed a frustrated breath. Instantly a snug black t-shirt appeared, covering his leanly muscled form. A red silk shirt topped the t-shirt seconds later. His bare feet disappeared into his customary scuffed boots. Buffy's lower lip puffed out in a pout.

"Well, if you're going to be that way. I went to the Espresso Pump and had coffee earlier. When I got back to the house, Willow was just leaving to come here so I came with. I didn't do anything to your little girlfriend. I wouldn't hurt a human. I kill demons. Speaking of which, what are you and why aren't I killing you?" Buffy turned to Lorne as she finished speaking.

Angel stood up. He grasped Buffy's arm and steered her toward the table. "Buffy, this is Lorne. He's from Pylea, that's another dimension. Somehow Fred got sent there this morning. We rescued her from there several months ago. Now we have to go get her again. He says you had something to do with that. So we need to know exactly what you did today."

"Buffy, were you by yourself all morning?" Spike asked, moving up to the table. He leaned on it with his head bowed.

She looked surprised. "No. I had coffee with Anya."

Xander shot up out of his chair. "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God. Please say it's not so, please someone tell me she didn't." He babbled. Willow raced over to her best friend.

"Xander! What's wrong? She who didn't? Xan, talk to me!" The redhead grabbed his arm as he paced. The distraught brunette shook her off.

"Buffy, please, please tell me you didn't make a wish while you were talking to Anya." Xander pleaded.

Cordelia looked at Xander in shock. "You knew, didn't you? You knew she was a demon again. That's why you told Spike not to say 'wish'. Why didn't you tell anyone?"

Xander chewed his lower lip. "I didn't know for sure. Some of her friends that I talked to said that she'd left with D'Hoffryn. I was hoping he was only being nice because he was her ex-boss. I'm so stupid, I should have known."

Cordy shook her head. "You're not stupid. Buffy, did you make a wish?"

Buffy instantly denied making a wish. "No! Why would I… Oh my God! I did! I didn't know. Anya's a vengeance demon again? When did she go back? I'm so sorry! I was just venting."

Spike turned and grasped the Slayer's arms, fingers digging in almost painfully. "What did you wish?" His voice shook. He glared into her eyes, blue burning into green. "What did you wish?" He demanded again when she didn't reply.

Buffy brought her arms up and knocked his hands off. "I was ranting. The two of you pissed me off and I was letting off some steam. I hadn't seen Anya since the non-wedding so we had a lot to catch up on. I may have voiced a wish that Fred go back to whereever Angel found her. I didn't remember that she'd been in another dimension. I was mad, okay?"

Giles cleaned his glasses. Replacing them, he got up and walked over to Buffy. "You got mad. Buffy, after everything you've seen and done, I should think you would realize that you have to be careful in what you say. You cannot let your emotions override your common sense. Didn't you sense that Anya was a demon again?"

Buffy's mouth open and closed a couple of times. "Well, no. I wasn't really paying attention. It just never occurred to me that she would be a demon again. I was mad okay?"

Dawn spoke up from her position on the step. "Buffy, why were you mad?"

The slayer studied the floor. "I just was, okay?"

Spike turned his back on the woman he'd loved and once more ran a shaking hand through his hair. "She's mad at me. Fred and me. I didn't jump right back into her arms just because she said those three words she swore she'd never say. Her ego couldn't take that I might find another woman. Fred doesn't care that I'm a vampire. She doesn't know I have a soul. She didn't even care that the chip doesn't work anymore. She cared about me before she knew anything about me. That's why Buffy's mad. I didn't go right back to following her around like an obedient little puppy. I've changed, Buffy. I still love you. I will always love you but I'm not in love with you anymore. I'm sorry I made promises yesterday. I just lost it for a moment finally hearing you say it. It was just…"

Spike turned back and looked into Buffy's stunned green eyes. "I'm so sorry. But I can't believe you love me. At least not all of me. I think you love the part of me that makes me do good. The 'William' in me. You love the soul, not the whole package."

He ran a finger down the side of her face. A tear trickled down the sharp line of his cheek. He smiled sadly. "Now, we need to get Fred back."

Spike straightened up and inhaled needlessly. His whole demeanor changed. His face hardened and he closed his eyes, concentrating. Anya appeared, almost falling over in shock as she realized she was not longer talking to yet another heartbroken female.

"How dare you bring me here!" The vengeance demon shrieked. She moved to leave.

"Oh no you don't." Spike growled. He was back in control and out for a little vengeance of his own. He motioned with his hand and Anya was trapped into place much the same way Warren had been the day before. He moved over to the female he'd considered a friend.

"You granted a wish for Buffy earlier." He said. The others in the room looked on silently as the Master Vampire intimidated the demon. "You sent an innocent woman to another dimension. Now, I know you're not allowed to reverse wishes. The reason you're here is because I want you to go to D'Hoffryn and tell him you're not going to be granting any more wishes for anyone in Sunnyhell. You can stay here and refrain from vengeance or you can leave. We don't want to lose you. You're our friend and we care about you. But we can't have you wreaking havoc with your little vengeance wishes. Xander hurt you, we get that. It's part of being human. You have to get past the hurt without going around hurting others."

"Yes, he hurt me. Why shouldn't I help women who've been hurt by worthless men. Buffy made a wish and I granted it. I didn't know where she'd go. Another dimension huh? Well that worked out better than I'd hoped. Bet that gave you some pain. Serves you right." Anya ranted. She looked closer at the blond vampire looming over her. Her eyes widened.

"When did you get a soul?" She gasped in surprise.

"Always had it. Never used it." Spike smirked at her. "It doesn't make any difference. If you force me to, I'll still hurt you and not feel a seconds guilt."

Xander walked hesitantly over to his ex-fiancée. "Ahn. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was stupid. I should never have left you."

"Yes, you were stupid. I can't imagine what I ever saw in you. If you think for one minute…." Anya struggled to free herself from the magical hold.

There was a flash of lightening and a large blue demon everyone recognized as the supreme vengeance demon, D'Hoffryn appeared. His arms were folded and he did not look pleased.

"Anyanka, why are you letting a mere vampire hold you prisoner? I'm surprised at you." He rumbled.

Spike smirked. "A mere vampire? Do you want to test that?" He looked at the large demon appraisingly. Most of the humans, along with Lorne, retreated to the safety provided by the open work stairs. Angel and Buffy stood off to the side ready to help but both doubted the blond vampire would need it.

"I could take you." Spike muttered.

"I seriously doubt it, small vampire. I would be gone before you got across the room." D'Hoffryn stated. In a blink, Spike disappeared and reappeared, moving from his position in front of Anya to directly behind the big blue braggart. Spike tapped D'Hoffryn on the shoulder and, when the demon looked around in surprise, slugged him in the jaw. Before the larger combatant could retaliate, Spike had flashed back over to Anya and had her in a hold that, with one tiny move, would break her neck.

"The whole 'I'll be gone before you got across the room' thing, well, let's just say. You lose. I don't want to hurt her. She's my friend. But I won't hesitate if you try to harm anyone in this room. I'm no 'mere vampire'. I have more power than the two of you put together. I won't think twice in using it against you if you piss me off. That vengeance thing? Get over it. Life sucks. It hurts. People get hurt and hurt others in return. Being in the business of making people suffer for hurting someone? It's a no win. So I think that Anya should be a good girl and forget about the vengeance gig and come back to run the Magic Box for Rupert. Capitalism is so much more rewarding. Don't you think?" Spike kissed Anya on the cheek and released his hold on her neck. He released her from the magical binding and gave her a small shove towards D'Hoffryn.

D'Hoffryn inclined his head. "I will consider your words. Anyanka, come with me. We will discuss the situation. Miss Rosenberg, always a pleasure. I trust you still have my talisman; if you require anything, give us a chant." With that, the two vengeance demons vanished.

The group heaved a collective sigh of relief. Spike looked around at the absence of people at the table. He smiled derisively at the people creeping out from behind the staircase.

"Way to watch my back guys." He observed.

Dawn ran over and jumped into the blond vampire's arms. She whispered in his ear. "You are so awesome."

He hugged her close. "Nope, just desperate." He whispered back with a slight smile. Turning to the green demon and Angel, he nodded.

"Make your supply list. I'll create whatever we need. I want to leave as soon as possible. We've wasted enough time with Anya and Big Blue. But for now, I'm feeling a bit peckish and those donuts look like they've seen better days. So…." Spike glanced at the table and the books moved themselves to the safety of the counter and food replaced them. Two mugs of warm blood appeared for the vampires while various cold cuts and cheeses covered a large tray in the center of the table. Crackers, breads and chips surrounded the tray while a cooler of soft drinks appeared on the floor next to the table.

Lorne looked on in amazement. "Forget singing, you could make a fortune in catering. No overhead." He mused.

Giles walked over to the counter and found some paper and a pen to hand to Angel. Moving over to Spike, the former Watcher gazed at the vampire silently for a moment. "Do you think she'll do it?" He asked after several seconds.

Spike shrugged. "I don't know. I just know that I don't want to kill her but I will if they don't stop with the vengeance in Sunnyhell. Too many innocent people like Fred get in the way." He shot Giles a wry glance. "Besides, the place was doing all right with Demon Girl behind the counter. Has a good eye for the dollar, that girl."

"That it did, Spike, that it did." The older man admitted ruefully.

Angel handed Spike a short list that consisted of several swords and not much else. The younger vampire gave it a cursory glance. Sipping from his mug, Spike looked at his Sire in surprise. "Not much here, Peaches." He observed.

"We shouldn't need much." Angel answered, downing his own nourishment. "The plan is to go in, get her and get right back out. Lorne says your magic will work there so if we need anything else, you'll have to get it then."

"Right then. Who's going?" Spike looked at the assorted people surrounding him. "Big Green, Peaches and me. Shouldn't need more than that. Red, would you and Glenda maintain the portal from this side? Just in case, okay?" The witches nodded. "Thanks."

"I'm going with you." Buffy stated. "I have to help. This is my fault and I need to do it."

Spike nodded. "Okay. Angel, I need you to send me a visual of this dimension we're going to. I've never done inter-dimensional jumping before so I'm not quite sure how to accomplish this portal thing. We need to arrive where you think she'll most likely be."

Angel nodded. "She'll be in the cave."

"Let's do it." Spike closed his eyes and concentrated.

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Fred jumped when she heard the noise. It sounded like thunderstorm had landed right outside her cave entrance. She looked up from her spot on the floor. She'd been huddled up against the cold wall for so many hours, she wasn't sure she could move. Shadows fell across the doorway. She had company. Trying to make herself invisible, she kept a fearful eye on the approaching form. Light glinted off a sword and she screamed.


	20. Going Home

Going Home

Disclaimer: Almost have enough pocket lint for a good Christmas but still don't own any of these lovely people.

Summary: Nope, not saying.

Reviews: Well YEAH! Of course I want reviews. Just tell me what you think and I'll be happy. Readers rock but reviewers RULE!

A/N: Warm fuzzies for all. Just read it, you know you want to.

Sibling Creature: Let's see, Giles found out from the High Priestess in the first chapter, Spike told Fred while they were dancing in chapter seven and it was a little obvious to everyone that he was not having any problem causing Warren all that pain in chapter thirteen. 'That little chip they stuck in my head to prevent me from hurting humans? It doesn't work anymore. Isn't that just… neat?' You made me have to go back and reread my own work, cause I got confused too. ;-)

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Fred covered her face and waited for the sword to end her life. She cried as the thought that she would never see Spike again flashed through her mind. A voice cut through the terror. She knew that voice, that accent. Slowly she lowered her hands and peeked at the person walking into her hated cave, calling her name.

"Spike! Oh God, I didn't think I'd ever see you again! You came for me. I can't believe you did it. You really came for me." The terrified brunette babbled in relief.

Spike dropped the sword and rushed over to where she was still huddled against the wall. "Sweetling, I'll always come for you. I couldn't leave you here, I just found you. Can you stand, Baby?" He knelt next to her and raised her chin with a gentle hand. He gazed into her tearful eyes, his heart breaking at the terror still lingering in the deep brown depths.

"We have to go now. Let's go home.Can you stand?" He scooped her up into his strong arms when she shook her head that standing was not an option. He left his sword on the floor and strode confidently out of the cave, joining the rest of the rescuers who were guarding the portal. One by one they disappeared into the portal until they had all returned to the Magic Box. Angel made sure they were all present and accounted for before nodding to Willow and Tara to let the portal close.

Spike eased Fred into a chair and handed her a soda. He grabbed a plate and filled it with food and placed it on the table in front of the still-shaking scientist.

She sat there not moving. It had to be a dream, they couldn't have come for her so fast. Her eyes filled with tears again. Immediately Spike scooped her up and sat down with her in his lap. He turned her face into his shoulder and let her sob against his neck. He shushed her tenderly and stroked her hair. His eyes filled with tears as she continued crying.

"Oh, Baby, please don't. I'm here. It's okay. You're out of there. You're safe. Please don't cry." He continued to croon soothing phrases as he stroked her hair, unmindful that they had an audience. He bent his head and cradled her closer as she sobbed. His own tears dripped unchecked off his face as he tried to comfort her.

Angel came over and knelt next to the chair. He placed a soothing hand on Fred's slender shoulder. "Fred, it's okay. Stop crying. You're wrecking Spike's big bad image by making him cry. Come on, Sweetie, look at me." He tipped her face out of Spike's neck with a gentle finger. She sniffled and looked at the older vampire for the first time since they'd returned. He moved to the chair next to them, keeping his hand on her shoulder for another minute.

"Spike has a 'big bad image'?" She asked softly.

"I used to." The 'Big Bad' in question grumbled as he wiped his face with a shaking hand. Fred gave a watery giggle when she heard his complaint.

"I thought I was dreaming and that I was still in the cave. I thought I was crazy again." Fred told them shakily.

Spike hugged her close again. "You're not crazy, Sweetling. I've got you. Don't plan on moving anytime soon. I think I need to hang on to you for a while so you don't disappear on me again. It's just a little too hard on my heart to not have you here."

She put her head back on his shoulder with a contented sigh. "I'm okay with that. Don't want to move just yet." She said into his neck.

Spike chuckled. "Are you hungry?" He leaned over and pulled the plate closer so she could reach it.

She nodded and looked at the cold cuts and cheese on the plate. "Do we have any tacos?" She asked shyly.

The blond vampire smiled at the pretty lady in his arms. "You can have anything you want, Sweetling." He looked at the plate and three different kinds of tacos appeared.

Fred giggled again. "I could like this." She observed.

The onlookers laughed at her words. Angel, Cordy and Lorne especially appreciated the humor in the situation, knowing as they did Fred's addiction to tacos. The laughter caught Spike's attention. He'd quite forgotten the others were there. Giles was leaning over the counter leafing through the books Spike had brought from LA. Willow and Tara were on the upper level engrossed in deep conversation.

Xander and Buffy were seated at the table opposite of Spike and Fred. They'd been talking quietly together. Xander had been asking Buffy about the other dimension. She hadn't been there long enough to get a really good look. She suggested he talk to Lorne, something he wasn't really eager to do. Something about the green demon wigged out the male Scooby. Buffy noticed that Spike's attention was no longer centered on the slender brunette in his lap. She got up and moved around to the other side of the table. Standing next to Spike, she knelt down to eye level with Fred.

The blonde Slayer studied the floor. She bit her lip uncertainly before raising her green eyes to look at the delicate scientist. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I made a wish that you go back to wherever Angel found you and a vengeance demon granted it. I never meant for it to happen. I was just venting. I was angry at Spike and I took it out on you. I'm really sorry." Buffy finished, dropping her eyes to the floor again.

Spike's sapphire eyes gazed at the Slayer. She'd sounded sincere. He looked at the beautiful lady in his lap and waited for her response.

Fred watched Buffy as she waited. Her brown eyes met Spike's dark blue ones. He nodded supportively. The arm he had wrapped around her waist tightened fractionally. Fred considered the apology, not noticing that everyone in the room waited in suspense for her reaction.

"Did you know you were talking to a vengeance demon?" She finally asked. She slid her plate of tacos back onto the table as she spoke.

Buffy shook her head. "I didn't realize. I should have known."

"You came with Spike to save me." Fred stated. Buffy nodded without speaking, her green eyes trained curiously on the brunette. Fred nodded in return. "I believe you didn't mean it. But, I gotta say, as a slayer you should know better than to make wishes regardless of who you're talking to. Too many things out there ready to take advantage of the slightest little weakness. How do you think I got there in the first place? I trusted the wrong person and it cost me five years of my life. I accept your apology because you helped get me back. Most people wouldn't have. Thank you for that."

The sighs of relief that sounded throughout the room caused Fred to giggle and Spike to grin. Buffy stood up and smiled in relief herself.

Spike whispered into Fred's ear and beamed when she nodded shyly. He looked around at his friends and family.

"As much as I'm enjoying being here with you lot, I'm going back to my crypt now. Fred's going with me. We'll see you later. Anyone want anything before we go?" He announced.

Giles nodded absently without looking up. "A cuppa, please?" Laughter broke out at the Watcher's request. But a steaming china cup appeared on the counter a safe distance from the books. The older Brit took a sip and sighed in pleasure. "Perfect. Thank you."

As the couple disappeared they all heard Fred's request for more tacos. Even more laughter echoed through the shop in the wake of their departure.

Dawn grinned from her perch on the steps. "Fred likes tacos?"

"You wouldn't believe how much." Cordy answered smiling.

Lorne wandered over and took a seat on the stairs next to Dawn. She smiled at him uncertainly. She remembered that he knew she was the key but she wasn't sure she trusted him with the information. Angel trusted the unusual green demon but Dawn didn't really trust the dark vampire that much. Her loyalty would always be to Spike. Cordy also seemed to like Lorne so Dawn was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Lorne noticed the teen's unease. He smiled at her.

"Not to worry, Little Bit. I'm harmless. I wouldn't want to cross Spike anyway and messing with you would be the kiss of death. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. It's been a pretty emotional few days and I get the feeling that not many of these guys, while they love you dearly, remember to make sure you're doing okay." His red eyes gazed at her kindly, putting her at ease.

She smiled. "I'm good. Seeing Spike happy again is worth more than anything. She's good for him, isn't she?"

The peaceful demon nodded. "Yeah, she's really good for him."

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In Spike's crypt, Fred was working her way through her replacement plate of tacos with delicate greed. Spike's blue eyes filled with wonder that this beautiful creature was willing to be there with him. She wiped her face with a napkin and looked up, catching him watching her. She blushed, realizing that she'd eaten all of it without offering him any. Her breath caught as she saw the expression in his beautiful blue eyes.

He'd transported them directly to the lower portion of his crypt. They were currently side-by-side on the edge of the bed. She placed her empty plate on the bedside table near her and sneaked another peek at his handsome face. She couldn't believe that this superbly built gorgeous man wanted her with him. She turned to face him.

"Thank you for rescuing me." She said quietly.

"I had to. Not having you here put me on the crazy train again. You should have seen it, I was a wreck." Spike told her semi-humorously. Suddenly he knelt in front of her and took her warm hands in his cool ones. "I thought I'd lost you. I just found you and then you were gone. I was so scared." He buried his face in her lap and released her hands, sliding his own around her waist and clutched her desperately.

She ran her hands through his short platinum curls and across his shoulders, marveling over how broad they were. "It's okay. I'm here. You saved me. I can't thank you enough for that." She murmured. He shook his head.

"You don't have to thank me. I had to go after you. I don't think I could have gone on existing if we hadn't gotten you back." He told her shakily. She raised his face up out of her lap. Bending down, she kissed him softly.

He gasped as her warm lips covered his own. Breaking the mind-numbing contact, he gazed into her sparkling brown eyes. "I don't think I can stop if I get a…. cramp." He whispered unsteadily.

She smiled as her lips hovered over his. "Then I guess we'll just have to deal with that pesky old cramp." She whispered back as her warm mouth closed over his again. He surged upwards and tumbled them both farther onto the bed. He slipped his arm under her legs and shifted her around so she was lying properly on the soft mattress. Trailing his hand up over the slender form, he kept the kiss going until they were both panting. Leaning over her, he traced her face with a shaking finger.

"Are you sure?" He questioned quietly. She nodded and slid her hand around his neck pulling him back into the heat of her kisses. Soft moans, gasping sighs and whispered endearments were the only sounds in the crypt for the rest of the night.

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Willow and Tara stepped slowly down the stairs. They sipped around Dawn and the peaceful demon sitting next to her. Willow smiled at her love and walked over to Angel. She took the chair that had so recently held Spike and Fred and looked over at the dark vampire.

"I have to talk to you." She said seriously. "About your soul."


	21. Healing

Healing

Disclaimer: Don't own them, can I lease them?

Summary: More fuzzies. Don't ya love it?

Reviews: Oh Yeah. Love those reviews, better than Christmas candy. Readers rock but reviewers RULE!!!

A/N: This should be done by Christmas, actually long before that. If there are any plot bunnies anyone wants me to explore, lay em on me. The muse seems to be on strike as far as something new is concerned. Something will come up I'm sure. Hugs and kisses to everyone who's still reading my insane ramblings. xoxo

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Spike woke slowly. He could feel warmth all along his body. He was confused. For a moment he couldn't remember who was snuggled so closely against his oddly languid limbs. He rose up cautiously on one elbow and surveyed the delectable female still sleeping soundly next to him. Fred. The pretty little physicist who'd made such an impact on his unlife in such a short time. She shifted slightly and snuggled even more comfortably against the vampire. The smile that snuck its way onto Spike's handsome face had enough wattage to light a small town. His enhanced senses told him it was too early to get up, not that he could have moved if he'd wanted to, so he inched back down into the warmth and went back to sleep, content for the first time in… well, never.

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Earlier:

The Magic Box was silent in the wake Willow's request to speak to Angel about his soul. Even Giles abandoned his fascination with Lorne's books to tune into the impending conversation.

Willow gulped as she realized that she was the center of attention. "You know that the coven enhanced my magic, right?" She began nervously.

She'd been looking at Angel while she spoke so he nodded. The others waited quietly for her to continue. "The high priestess told me I could come there and study magic. Tara can come too if she wants to. It's going to be so great." She babbled.

"Anyway, along with being able to heal people and teleport stuff she gave me a spell…" She trailed off uncertainly.

Giles remembered the other reason they'd been summoned to London. He smiled to himself. He hoped that Angel would accept the opportunity presented by the redheaded witch. Catching a glance at Cordelia, the former Watcher began to get a sneaking suspicion that Angel would not be the only one to benefit from what Willow had to say.

Angel gaped at Willow as she babbled. He couldn't feature what she could possibly tell him about his soul. The curse was pretty cut and dried, if he experienced a moment of pure happiness the soul would take a walk and he'd be Angelus again. The thought made him shudder. The last time had been right there in Sunnydale and it had been with Buffy that had cost him his soul. The end result was that he'd spent a millennium in a hell dimension being tortured in every way imaginable and many ways that weren't. Forcing the unpleasant memories aside, he refocused his attention on the pretty redheaded witch. She'd grown in power so much she was almost scary. He was glad to hear that she would be learning to control her power. He glanced over at Cordy and was startled to see her staring at him with hope in her huge dark eyes. She tore her gaze away swiftly, making him wonder if he'd actually seen it.

Xander broke the increasingly tense silence. "Willow, you gave Deadboy his soul back, don't even tell us you're taking it away again. I left my stake in my other pocket."

Willow swatted her best friend on the arm and Cordy smacked him on the back of the head.

"Ow! Take a joke okay?" He rubbed his various injuries and sulked.

Tara walked up behind Willow and slipped her arms around the redhead's waist in support. The blonde witch whispered in Willow's ear that maybe she should explain more. Willow nodded.

"The high priestess told me that you made quite an impression on her when you went to London to help Spike. She was pleased by your ability to overcome past hostilities and rush over there to your Childe's side. That kind of devotion is rare in vampire Sires. So she wanted to reward you and asked me to help her with that." Willow twisted her fingers together nervously.

Angel shifted in embarrassment. "Spike's family. He comes first. He's just about the only one left of my vampire family so, yeah, I'm gonna do everything I can to help. So I don't need a reward. Seeing him happy again is reward enough."

Willow smiled. "She knew you were going to say that. She wanted me to remind you of how many times you've done the same thing in the past year or so. Since Buffy died, in fact. You've been there over and over for him. So you deserve a reward." Again she stopped nervously, despite the assurances, Willow was not sure she could do what she'd been asked to do.

Angel sighed needlessly in exasperation. "Willow, will you just tell me what's going on?"

She gulped. "Shewantsmetoanchoryoursoul." She said in a rush.

Stunned was the only word to describe Angel's frame of mind when he deciphered Willow's run-on sentence.

Giles, unnoticed behind his counter, smiled at the expressions on everyone's faces. Gobsmacked was the term that came to his mind. Cordelia had a look of hopeful disbelief on her pretty face. Lorne was smiling broadly as if he'd expected this. Xander was watching Buffy for her reaction. Buffy just looked sad as if she knew that she would not be the one sharing Angel's permanent soul with him. The former Watcher's heart ached once more for his 'daughter'. Seeing the expression in Xander's eyes, Giles hoped that Buffy would realize how devoted the male Scooby was to her. That he could look at the Slayer like that knowing what he did about the relationship between her and Spike, told Giles more than words ever would. The older man had a sneaking suspicion that Buffy was an unacknowledged reason that Xander had stood Anya up at the altar. It occurred to Giles that Xander might be the one male in Buffy's life to help curb the Slayer's impulsive tendencies. As immature as the young man seemed, he had an innate maturity that shone through at the oddest times. Getting the girl to see her friend in a new light might prove to be quite the challenge.

Angel sat in silence going over in his mind the ramifications of what Willow was offering to do. He risked a peek at Cordy. Her face was now blank but the hope in her eyes sent a shaft of feeling through his unbeating heart. A thought crossed his mind and he shifted his gaze to Buffy, his first love. The acceptance in her face gave him hope. He cleared his throat.

"I… think I should talk to Buffy for a second." He rose from his chair and extended a hand to the petite slayer. They walked quietly into the training room at the back of the building.

"Well…" They both spoke at once, stopping to wait for the other to speak.

"I wanted to tell you…" Again the words were in unison, this time they both laughed nervously.

Buffy put a finger on Angel's lips, silencing the dark vampire. "If you don't go for this, I'll stake you myself." She warned. "Then I'll have Spike set your ashes on fire and, if there's anything left from that, Willow will beat it with her shovel. You deserve to be happy and I know that it's not possible for us. There's been too much that's happened for us to go back and frankly it wouldn't be right for us to try. So go, make Cordy happy. Make that soul permanent."

Angel smiled against her finger then pressed a kiss on the digit. He put his large hand over her tiny one and pulled it away from his face. "I love you, you know that don't you? I always will." He said.

She nodded. "I know. I love you too. I always will. But as Spike so wisely observed, I'm not in love with you anymore. And you're not in love with me. You're in love with Cordy. Anyone with eyesight can see it." Tears sparkled in her green eyes.

"I hope those are happy tears." Angel pulled her into a hug. She nodded without speaking, just enjoying the closeness.

They separated after a moment and went back to the main part of the shop. Everyone turned their gazes to the returning couple.

Angel smiled, his dark eyes trained on his seer. "When can we do it?" He asked, not missing the joy that leapt into Cordy's deep brown eyes.

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Fred rolled over and stretched languidly. A smile lit her face as she remembered the night before. A long cool length was pressed up against her. She opened one eye cautiously and sighed with contentment as she saw the deep sapphire gaze of the one vampire in the world that she wanted to be with. A giggle escaped as she opened the other eye and fully looked at the incredibly handsome man next to her.

"So I'm funny now, eh?" A pout appeared on Spike's sexy mouth, tempting Fred. She looped a hand around his neck and pulled him down into a kiss. He pulled her firmly into his arms and deepened the kiss until she was gasping for breath. She pushed him away gently. They were both panting for air, one unneeded. Spike raised a hand and trailed a finger down her slender face. She kissed the finger and smiled luminously. He caught his breath at the beauty of her delicate features.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered.

"So are you." The awe in her voice shook him to his soul. He smiled as pure happiness flooded his being.

She shifted uncomfortably. "Do you happen to have a bathroom?" She asked shyly. He shook his head before closing his eyes, then nodded.

"Well? Which is it? Do you or don't you?" She gazed at him, confused.

"I didn't but I do now. Brand new. Just for you." He kissed the tip of her nose and released her so she could get up. They sat up and she held the sheet against her bare skin. He created a t-shirt and handed it to her knowing how shy she was. She slipped it over her head and he pulled her long curling hair out of the collar for her, kissing the nape of her neck as he exposed it. She looked around and he pointed to a previously unnoticed door in the stone wall. She smiled her thanks and went into the newly created bathroom.

He heard the shower start and concentrated for a moment, making sure she had plenty of warm fluffy towels and a set of clean clothes to put on. He opened his link with her.

'Sweetling?' He sent.

'Yes, Spike?' She answered.

'Want me to wash your back?' The seductive suggestion whispered through Fred's mind.

'Gee, I don't know. Think you can handle it?' He was up and in the shower before she could finish the question. The shower took a lot longer than Fred had originally planned but she couldn't have enjoyed it more.

They were dressed and ready to face the world again when Angel opened his link with Spike. The blond sat back down on the bed and pulled Fred into his arms for a cuddle while he talked to his Sire.

'What's up, Peaches?' Spike asked, smiling at the growl over the hated nickname.

'When are you and Fred coming out?' Angel wanted to know.

'Well, gee, Pops, if you had waited just a few more minutes we'd have been out and about. Where can we meet the lot of you?' Spike told him.

'We're all back at the Magic Box. Willow's going to do a spell and we want you here for it. We set this up last night after you left but no one with a link wanted to risk opening it to tell you about it. Didn't want to get scarred for life, you know. Especially Dawn, being as young and impressionable as she is.' Angel teased his Childe. His mood was too good to let any chance of riling Spike go by.

'My, my. You're feeling mighty spry for a gent of your advanced years. What's Red going to do? Or has she already done the spell and given you a sense of humor?' Spike sniped back good-naturedly. 'Don't tell me she's going to try a spell on me, won't work you know. My magic will cancel out hers.' Spike suddenly became serious as concern for the redheaded witch surged forward.

'It's a spell for me but I'm not sharing until you guys get here. So hurry up.' Angel closed the link, leaving Spike with more than one unanswered question.

"Well, Babe, I guess it's the Magic Box for us. Are you ready to face the horde that we call our friends?" Spike asked his love before kissing her.

She nodded and wrapped her arms around his waist for the transport to the Magic Box.

They appeared just inside the door and were greeted with a round of applause from some of the braver of their friends. Xander wandered over and threw his arm over Spike's shoulder.

"It's about time you let this poor girl leave your musty old crypt, you fiend." Xander said seriously but with a twinkle in his eyes.

Fred moved around to Spike's side but kept an arm around his waist. She grinned at the male Scooby. "I'll have you know that you're lucky I let him leave. Wouldn't have bothered me to just stay there. It's cozy."

A round of laughter exploded at Fred's verbal smack down of Xander. He accepted defeat with good grace and patted Spike on the shoulder. "Got a good one there, Pal. She won't bore you."

Spike's grin lit the room. His sapphire gaze landed on Angel. He kissed Fred's temple and released her walking over to his Sire. He noticed that Angel's good mood was contagious, everyone present seem to be extraordinarily cheerful. Even Buffy was sitting at the table with a complacent smile on her face. He had to hand it to the Slayer, she was bouncing back from her previous anger with more class than she'd ever shown before. His respect for her inched back up a notch. Her apology to Fred yesterday had shown real maturity.

He gazed around the room, taking inventory of those present. Giles was either back behind the counter leafing through Lorne's books or he'd never left, since he was wearing different clothing, Spike tended to believe the former. Willow and Tara were seated at the table near Buffy. Willow was looking rather pale and frightened, Tara was holding her hand and attempting to soothe her. 'Not so sure about the spell.' Spike thought. Xander was still by the front door talking to Fred. They were laughing. Spike smiled at the sight of Fred's happiness.

Wes and Gunn were back because Angel called them to tell them the good news. Angel hadn't wanted to exclude his two friends because of their disgruntlement over Spike. He'd told them not to cause Spike and Fred any grief. They had reluctantly agreed to behave themselves.

Dawn was sitting on the steps talking to the friendly green demon. Cordelia was next to Angel, looking up at him with joy shining in her eyes. Everyone in the room appeared to be happy over whatever was about to happen. The younger vampire moved over to stand in front of his Sire. Looking up at the larger vampire, Spike smirked up at him.

"So Peaches, what's the party for?" The blond asked cheekily.

"Willow's going to anchor my soul." Angel announced.

Spike was stunned. "Red's going to take away the happiness clause?" He asked in amazement. "Well, good on you! What brought this on? Does it have to do with your enhanced magic, Red? Don't think I didn't notice the extra power boost you came back with." He extended his hand for Angel to shake, which he did with some bemusement.

Angel smiled. "The high priestess of the coven you were at gave Willow the power and the spell to anchor my soul as a reward for being such a good sire to you the past couple of years. Can you imagine that?"

Spike shook his white-blond head in disbelief. "That would have been the last reason I would have imagined them doing that for, but whatever the reasoning, it's a good thing."

Willow looked at Spike with frightened green eyes. "Do you think I can?" She quavered.

"Red, you can do anything you put your mind to. I told you before you brought Buffy back that you were wicked strong. If the high priestess says you can, you won't find me telling you any different." Spike walked over to Willow and put his arm around her shoulder. "So, what are we waiting for? I'm sure that Peaches and the Cheerleader are just itching to test your results."

"Hey!" Cordy protested but subsided with Spike turned his knowing blue gaze on her.

Willow stood up. "We're all here. I guess we can get started." She led everyone into the training room where she'd already set up what she needed to do the spell. She'd drawn a circle on the floor and candles were already lit around the perimeter. She directed Angel to the center of the circle and stood next to him. Everyone else took seats at a respectable distance from the spot. Spike sat on the floor with Fred between his splayed legs. Dawn took a spot next to them. Xander opted to sit on the other side of them. Buffy sat next to Xander and Lorne took a place on the other side of Dawn. Wes and Gunn sat on the other side of the room. Giles chose to sit next to Buffy and Cordy hovered near the charmed circle anxiously. Tara stood just outside the circle near Willow's position.

Willow began to chant, uncertainly at first but with more confidence as the spell took over. Her eyes turned black and the roots of her hair darkened. She ended the chant by placing her hand on Angel's chest sending a jolt through his large body. Everyone watching jumped a little as he jerked violently before collapsing onto the floor. The candles flared brightly then went out.


	22. All Good Things

All Good Things…

Disclaimer: Lost the lease bid, own nothing. Maybe Santa will bring me pressies.

Summary: Just a bit of fun.

Reviews: I love reviews almost as much as I love Christmas. Readers rock but reviewers RULE!!

A/N: I swear upon my chocolate covered cherries and my stuffed Eeyore that I have no clue where most of this chapter came from. After the soundproofing, I lost control of the whole lot of them. Guess after all the angst my muse put them through, they wanted a spot of fun.

Rowan Rice, I'm really sorry. I tried, but Spike being the stubborn vamp that he is, just wouldn't go back to Buffy in this fic. Most of my other fics are Spuffy so that should tell you that I usually lean that way, it's just the blond menace wouldn't do it this time. Guess he didn't want Angel to stake him. Thanks for reading. I'll try to do better next time. ;-)

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Willow's eyes returned to her normal blue and her hair changed back to red. Spike eased out from behind Fred and rushed over to his fallen Sire. Cordy knelt next to the blond as he turned the older vampire onto his back.

Glancing up at Willow, Spike asked, "Was he supposed to do this?"

She shrugged, visibly shaken. "I don't know. They didn't give me any details. I was told the spell would anchor his soul, but they didn't say anything else."

Spike nodded grimly. "Come on Peaches, wake up."

Angel's eyes fluttered open. He groaned. "Damn, she packs a punch."

Spike grinned in relief. "That she does, Sire." The grin disappeared. "How do you feel?"

"Like some witch smacked me with a spell." Angel began to sit up groggily. Cordy and Spike supported the dark vampire on either side as he stood up. They led him over to the sofa against the wall. Willow hovered nervously while Tara tried to assure her that she'd done everything right.

The three of them collapsed onto the sofa. Angel looked at his two helpers. He smiled at Cordy. "I love you. Did you know that?" He said softly. She kissed him passionately. Spike cleared his throat as the kiss dragged on for more than a few minutes. They paid him no attention, so he got up and motioned for everyone to follow him.

"Right then. Let's let them test drive that new anchor." He suggested as he herded the group back into the main portion of the shop. He closed the door behind them and opened his link. 'Hey, Peaches. Try to keep it relatively quiet, okay?' He closed the link as he felt Angel's mental snicker. The blond wizard erected an invisible soundproof wall just in case the couple couldn't stay quiet. He felt he still had a teenager to protect. He felt confident because he'd felt his Sire's new peace within the soul. He knew the spell had worked. Spike noticed Willow's continued unease.

He walked over to her and hugged her tightly. "You did good, Red. Don't think we'll be seeing Angelus when they're done. I could feel the difference."

She smiled in relief. "Really?"

Spike planted a kiss on her forehead. "Yes, really." He assured her. He looked around. "I'm hungry. Anyone else?" A chorus of 'yeses' echoed throughout the room.

"Right then, what's your pleasure? Want to eat here or go out? Don't worry about the Old Man and his lady. I put up some soundproofing. We should be relatively safe from corruption." After some discussion, they all decided to stay there. Spike created a table full of tidbits for them to snack on. In addition to the other goodies, Fred requested tacos, to the amusement of several people in attendance. Dawn wanted pizza. Willow and Tara wanted cookies, earning them a chastising look from Giles. For himself, Spike provided ample amounts of spicy chicken wings. Soft drinks and beer were abundant. Soft music was playing although no one could find the stereo.

Xander cornered Spike while he was talking to Dawn apart from the main part of the crowd. "You promised me that you'd share." The brunette reminded his friend.

"Oh, right you are, Mate. Niblet, go talk to Big Sis. Harris and I have something we need to do." Spike kissed the teen on the forehead and gave her a little nudge toward the Slayer.

He looked around. "Where's the best place for this? We need a little privacy." The blond vampire motioned with the hand holding a beer toward the front door. "I guess we're stuck going outside. Come on."

Fred waylaid them on their way out of the shop. "What's this? You're going to cheat on me? With him? Shame on you." Her brown eyes sparkled as she teased her favorite vampire.

Spike snaked an arm around her slender waist, pulling her close and kissing her deeply. "It's just a thing, Sweetling. Be all over in just a few minutes. Want to watch?" An evil smile lit his handsome face.

"Hey!" Xander protested. "I really want to savor this so it better last more than a few minutes, Pal. I've been waiting for this for two days so it better be really good." He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Spike.

Fred giggled. She knew what the two men were going to do. Teasing them was just so much fun. "As long as you give him back in good shape when you're done, you can borrow him." She told Xander solemnly. She kissed her love and pulled out of his grasp. "See you two later."

"Won't be long, Babe." Spike assured her, grinning. The men left the building to find the solitude Spike needed to transfer the memories Xander wanted.

In the shop, Fred went back to the buffet table only to be bombarded with questions. Dawn was the only one who wasn't curious, having been there when Spike promised to share the memories of torturing Warren with Xander.

"What's going on? Why are Xander and Spike leaving?" Buffy began searching for weapons so she could follow and help if needed. Giles glanced up from the books that were continuing to absorb his attention, to Lorne's amusement. Wes had joined him, pointing out various aspects of the texts that he's previously discovered. Willow and Tara were sitting at the table talking quietly as Willow was pretty drained from the spell.

Fred smiled serenely. "They're not leaving. Xander just wanted to know something and Spike wanted some quiet so he could give him the information he wants. They'll be back in a little while." She looked over the table, searching for the tacos she knew her vampire would not let run out. 'Ah, there they are.' She thought.

"What information? Is there danger?" Buffy persisted, her concern for Xander startling some of the onlookers. Giles suppressed a smile at her tone, she really didn't have a clue.

The brunette scientist shook her head. "No. No danger. You'll have to ask them when they get back. It shouldn't be long." She placed several tacos on a plate and reached for a soda.

Outside, Spike looked Xander in the eye. "Are you sure you want to know this? It's pretty vicious if I do say so myself. I never really enjoyed torture. That was more Angelus's gig. But I did have fun with that little wanker."

Xander nodded. "I really want to know. He shot Dawn, Buffy, you. He shot me. Damn it Spike, he tried to kill us and I want to enjoy what you did to him. So give it to me."

Spike nodded once and closed his eyes. Opening his link, he selected the memories of that afternoon and sent them straight into his friend's mind. Xander paled slightly but recovered and grinned with wicked glee.

"God, you're good at that." The brunette whispered in awe. "Remind me never to piss you off." He added, unknowingly echoing Gunn's words. His hand unconsciously moved up to rub the spot on his chest where the bullet had entered.

"We still have a pool date, but tomorrow probably would be better. That okay with you?" Spike questioned.

Xander nodded absently. "Yeah, I'm gonna need some time to go over this info. Hope I don't have nightmares."

Spike looked concerned. "If you do, open your link, I'll fix it. Do not let this mess with your head. You hear me?" He grasped Xander's arm and forced him to meet his gaze.

Xander's brown gaze met Spike's blue one seriously. "I promise. If I have nightmares I'll let big daddy vampire get back into my head and fix the monsters in my mental closet." He dropped his sarcasm. "If the first memories didn't give me nightmares, this will make me sleep like a baby. The beauty of it all is, that the torture was more mental. You had him imagining what you could do to him if you wanted. The lightening and the bullet weren't half as bad as what he thought you were going to do. I could see it in his eyes. He thought you were going to flay him or something." He grinned. "Telling him you were going to keep the bullet just in case… well, gotta tell you, that was brilliant. He's not going to sleep for at least a year."

Spike matched his grin. "I was inspired. And I am keeping the bullet. If he ever gets out I'm using it. The thought that he hurt all of you just made me see red. I wanted to kill him, slowly and painfully. But Rupert was right. If I'd done that my unlife wouldn't have been worth the dust left after staking. So, do you think they're done gossiping about us?" He asked, inclining his blond head toward the building behind them.

"Really? Gossiping about us? Cool. We should really make them talk. Got any suggestions?" Xander bounced on his toes. Spike smirked. This Xander was far different from the one he'd met so long ago. That Xander was demon-phobic and would have died before wanting to promote gossip about himself with a vampire.

"Don't know. Should we go for the shock value or just mess with their minds? I personally like playing with minds, they're so much fun to screw with." Spike grinned evilly.

"Define shock value." Xander looked thoughtful.

"Well, I could do a glamour that would make them think that I drained you, carry your pale lifeless body in over my shoulder." Spike explained.

"There's a thought. Now, define mess with their minds." The brunette continued.

Spike reached up and whispered a completely naughty suggestion into Xander's ear, causing the male Scooby to choke on his laughter. "Oh yeah, that's the one."

Minutes later the two overgrown pranksters walked into the Magic Box and smirked at the total silence that met their entrance. Xander had a fang-shaped hickey on his neck (glamoured there). His hair was mussed and his shirt was buttoned crookedly. A goofy, sated-looking grin was plastered on his face. Spike's platinum hair was similarly mussed. He'd lost his black t-shirt and his ruby red silk shirt was unbuttoned exposing his rock hard abs and alabaster chest. They had their arms around each other's waists, leaning into each other as if they couldn't bear to be parted. The blond also had a hickey on his pale neck (another glamour). Gasps could be heard all over the room.

Fred wandered over to the men. Her bond with Spike was strong enough that she could tell a put on when she saw one so she decided to play along. Schooling her delicate features into a look of rage, she looked up at her vampire.

"How dare you?" She hissed. "You barely leave our bed and you jump on the first person you spend any time alone with. You think so little of me? And you!" She rounded on Xander. "I thought I told you not to damage him. Look at him. He's marked. I can't believe the two of you." She raged. "Why wasn't I invited?" She folded her arms across her chest and glared at them.

Spike pouted. "But I did invite you. I asked you if you wanted to watch. You didn't say you wanted to play too." He whined.

"Well I did. You ever do that again, I'll… punch your lights out. You fink." Fred sputtered, beginning to lose it.

Spike and Xander collapsed onto the step. It was too much. The looks on the faces of everyone there was priceless. Shock was the prevalent expression. They'd gotten their desired reaction. Fred's contribution had been an unforeseen bonus. They leaned against each other as their laughter weakened them. Fred's façade faded as she succumbed to the giggles bubbling up. Spike held his arms up and she melted into them and kissed him soundly. After coming up for air, Spike reversed the glamour he'd used and restored their appearances to normal. Fred pouted when Spike's sexy chest disappeared beneath the customary black cotton. He caught the look on her face and sent a mental promise to let her look all she wanted after they went home. She turned around and rested her back against his solid chest.

The realization that they'd been had slowly dawned on the others and they began laughing.

Willow and Tara walked over to the jokers. "That was a good one. Xander, for a minute there you had me worried." Willow told her best friend. She held her hand out for Xander to take and hauled him to his feet. They walked hand in hand to the buffet to see what was left.

Tara sat down on the step next to Spike and Fred. "That was a completely childish… and totally funny. Shame on you. I can't believe the two of you. When did you get to be such a prankster?"

"He's always been one. Used to drive me crazy wondering what he was going to do next. I'm surprised it took the two of them this long to do something like this." Unnoticed, Angel and Cordy had come into the room in time to see Spike and Xander's grand entrance. Everyone looked closely at the dark vampire, hoping it was Angel talking and not Angelus. Cordy's look of total satisfaction and the peace on Angel's face told the group that Willow's spell had been a rousing success.

"Will, I'm hungry." Angel told his Childe.

"It's on the table, Pops." His disrespectful brat stated absently as two mugs of blood appeared. He was nuzzling Fred's neck and couldn't be bothered to look up.

Buffy got up and walked over to Angel. She looked steadily up into his eyes. Satisfied by what she found there, she gave him a hug. Turning to Cordy, she hugged her as well.

"You hurt him, I'll have Willow beat you with her shovel." Buffy warned with a smile.

Cordy gazed up at her vampire with a besotted smile. "No chance. I'm keeping him." Angel smiled down at his seer. They wandered over to the table to see what there was to eat. Angel picked up one of the mugs and began to sip the nourishment in it.

Buffy walked over to the blond menace. She stood there with her arms crossed, frowning at the spectacle before her. "Spike." She said sternly.

Spike pulled his lips away from Fred's slender nape reluctantly. "Slayer." He sighed.

"You play with Xander's feelings and I'll have to stake you. If you're serious about him then you better treat him right." She warned, tapping her foot.

The blond vampire choked. His startled sapphire gaze flew up and met Buffy's sparkling green eyes. Tara snickered. A relieved smile spread over Spike's handsome features. He released his scientist and stood up. He moved over to stand in front of the petite slayer.

"You're really okay with all of this then?" He asked. At her nod, he swept her into a hug. "Thank you." He whispered fervently.

Giles and Wesley had been observing the antics of all the younger people from behind the counter. The older Watcher had procured a couple of chairs for them to sit on and they had been enjoying a deep discussion over to absorbing books. Amused blue eyes met bemused green ones.

"Do you see what I have to put up with?" The question was voiced in unison causing the two Brits to laugh at each other.

Wesley watched Fred as she talked to Buffy. His sadden blue eyes were filled with the acceptance of the pretty Texan's choice of the blond vampire. The only thing he could hope for now was that she be happy. He saw Buffy give Fred a hug and smiled. There would be no trouble from the slayer over Fred's decision. The object of his attention wandered over to the buffet. Wes tensed as he saw Gunn get up and move to intercept Fred. The look on Gunn's face was not a happy one.


	23. New Beginnings

New Beginnings

Disclaimer: All I want for Christmas is…. Spike! Don't own anything else.

Summary: Well, this seems to be the end, but is it?

Reviews: Review and I'll tell Santa how good you've been. ;-) Reader rock but reviewers RULE!!

A/N: I seem to have reached the end of this insane ramble. Hope you all have liked it. To my awesome reviewers: THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!! I love you all.

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Spike stiffened suddenly, distracted from his perusal of the room by the sight of Gunn stalking toward Fred, HIS Fred. Eyes flashing amber, the vampire walked silently across the space between himself and his lady. Gunn stood in front of the slender brunette looking at her angrily. Spike moved up behind her and slid an arm around her waist possessively. The room seemed suspended while everyone waited tensely.

"Fred. Can we talk?" Gunn asked. Anger flashing in his dark eyes as the vampire smirked at him. "Alone?" He added, earning a glimpse of fang from Spike.

Fred glanced up at the amber eyes and ridged forehead of her love's gameface. She reached up and stroked her fingers across his vampiric features. "Spike. Calm down. I need to talk to him and I don't need you to be all grrr. Okay?"

She forced his gaze down to meet hers. Slowly the amber faded and sapphire blue regained dominance in his eyes. She pulled his head down until his forehead rested on hers. Her brown eyes held his blue ones intensely, communicating silently that she really needed to resolve this one last obstacle of their love.

'Spike. Baby, listen. If I don't talk to him, he'll never move on and he'll always have a reason to want to stake you. I couldn't bear it if that happened. Please.' She sent mentally.

'Sweetling, he's angry. I don't want him to hurt you.' Spike rationalized his jealous show.

'What could happen? I have two Master Vampires, one of whom is a wizard, a slayer, and two powerful witches around me. I'm pretty sure that most of them, if not all, will protect me from the big mean human. Gunn's big, not stupid.' She assured him his fears were unfounded. Finally he closed his eyes and nodded. Flashing one last golden glance at Gunn, the vampire released his physicist and stomped over to the staircase to sit down next to Dawn and Lorne.

Gunn put a hand on Fred's elbow and led her over to an empty corner. He looked over at the blond menace glaring at them. "Fred. Are you sure? I mean he's _a vampire_."

"Angel's a vampire and you work beside him. You like him. You defend him in fights. So what if Spike's a vampire. He's good. He saved me. A vengeance demon sent me back to Pylea and he saved me. That vampire couldn't bear the thought of me being gone so he opened a portal, went there and brought me back. I think I love him and I hope he loves me. All I know is that we have so much in common. I recognize so much in him. I think that maybe… he's… my… soul mate." She explained with dawning understanding of her speedy involvement with the blond bloodsucker, of why he became so important to her so fast. He was the other half of her own soul. Her brown eyes sought Spike's worried blue ones across the room. Fred beamed a misty smile at her vampire.

Gunn saw it and frowned. But he knew defeat when he saw it. Fred was lost to him. Things between them had not been going well and he had known that she would not be with him much longer. He was aware of Wesley's interest in her and admitted to himself that he would have rather lost her to English than that vampire. Angel's family be damned. But, she'd chosen and he'd lost, Wesley too. They'd both missed their chance. He could see the changes in her already. She was more confident and less skittish than she'd been in all the months since they'd first found her. The Fred he knew would never have gone along with that little practical joke Spike and Xander had played. He noticed her worried gaze at his continued silence. He forced a smile, earning a beaming one from the lovely girl in front of him.

"Girl, I love you. I just want you to be happy. If a wizard type vampire is what you want then okay. But I gotta tell you, if he ever hurts you, they won't find enough to put in an ashtray. Tell him that." Gunn finished.

She beamed at him. "It won't be necessary, he won't hurt me."

"I hope not." The big man stated with a growl.

Dawn shifted up to the step behind Spike and looped her arms around his neck. She could feel the tension in his shoulders as he watched Gunn talking to Fred. Their voices were too low for Spike to hear, even with his vampiric hearing. Drawing him back so that he rested against her, she tried to get him to relax. Hearing a tiny growl rumbling in his chest, she sighed.

Lorne noticed Spike's distraction. He smiled as he followed the sapphire gaze to Fred and Gunn talking in the corner. Looking over at the tense vampire next to him, he decided to tell Spike a small secret.

"Um, Sweetcakes, you know that Fred is over the moon for you, don't you?" The green demon began hesitantly.

A small, unneeded breath was caught but it was the only sign that the vampire heard.

"I've read both of you now and from what I can see, you have absolutely nothing to worry about." Lorne added, closely watching for any reaction. Spike merely closed his eyes.

"Spike? Are you okay?" Dawn asked worriedly. Spike only nodded, once.

Spike was in agony fearing that Gunn would convince her that dating a vampire was a bad idea and he'd be alone again. He opened his eyes to see her giving his rival a beaming smile. He caught his breath at her beauty. He hardened his features so no one would notice he was falling apart inside.

Angel watched as his friends talked quietly in the corner. He saw the misty smile the slender brunette aimed at Spike. He felt Spike's unease watching his new lady secluded in a corner with her former boyfriend. He tensed as he felt his Childe's fear, his agony as he watched her smile so brightly at Gunn. A low growl sounded in the elder vampire's chest. Cordy looked up in surprise. She placed a small hand on Angel's arm.

"What's wrong?" She asked her love quietly.

"I don't know yet." He answered her, not once taking his gaze off Spike.

Fred reached up and kissed Gunn. Spike closed his eyes again as his heart shattered. He inhaled sharply as the pain sliced through his chest. Angel echoed Spike as he too inhaled sharply, feeling his Childe's pain as keenly as if it were his own.

Tara grabbed Willow's hand as the tension swept through the room. Wesley and Giles sat watching intently as the silent drama unfolded. Xander pulled Buffy off to the side as she noticed the tension in the two vampires. It wasn't a situation that called for a slayer and he didn't want her in the middle of it. Buffy's green eyes flashed up to meet Xander's chocolate gaze as he restrained her with a hand on her arm. He shook his head.

Lorne tilted his head. He knew the blond vampire had the wrong idea but he also knew that there was nothing he could say to alleviate Spike's fear. He continued to gaze at Spike, noting the way he kept his eyes closed in denial. Spike's lean features grew stark as the pain knifed through him.

Dawn's arms tightened fractionally as she watched Fred kiss Gunn. Then her hands slid slowly back until they rested on Spike's tense shoulders. Spike stiffened as a familiar scent reached his nose. Then soft lips caressed his cheek, fluttering across his face to rest on his mouth. He responded almost against his will. The kiss deepened, warming the fearful vampire through to his toes. He opened his eyes only to close them again in immense relief. Fred had chosen him. He snuck his arms around her and pulled her into his lap, lengthening the kiss as it drained the pain from his chest. Fred pulled away and reached up to trail a finger down Spike's face.

"Hi." She whispered. "I missed you."

He rested his forehead on hers as a blissful smile spread across his face. "Hi. I missed you too." He answered. He covered her mouth with his own, pouring his feelings into the contact. Coming up for air, he whispered, "I love you so much." Putting his heart on the line with the simple statement.

Fred smiled up at him radiantly. "I love you, too."

Wesley closed his own eyes as the realization washed over him that Fred was lost to him.

Xander watched Buffy closely as she watched Spike and Fred kiss as if their existence depended on each other. He could only see acceptance. She finally seemed to be putting someone else's happiness before her own. Maybe there was hope for the slayer.

Angel relaxed as he saw Fred leave Gunn and approach Spike. She hadn't realized that Spike thought she was dumping him already. Spike's heart was so fragile that the slightest hint of rejection was devastating. He'd spent so much time being treated as a yoyo that he'd come to expect a relationship to blow hot then cold. Rejection had become a regular part of Spike's existence. The elder vampire smiled broadly as Spike pulled the slender brunette into his lap and kissed her soundly. Cordy relaxed against her own vampire as she saw his tension dissolve.

Spike stood up and let Fred slide down until her feet rested on the floor. He kissed her again and hugged her close in relief. Closing his eyes again, he savored having his love in his arms.

Everyone looked on as the vampire and the scientist embraced in the center of the room. Giles noticed something that made him smile. Memories of the night Spike's magic appeared surfaced as the Watcher looked at his vampire friend.

"Um… Spike?" Giles began.

"Yeah, Mate?" He answered, nuzzling Fred's neck distractedly.

"You're floating." Rupert said, bemused.

Startled, Spike looked down. Sure enough there was at least three inches between his and Fred's feet and the floor. "Bloody Hell." He grinned. "Ain't it great?" He asked no one in particular as he went right back to kissing Fred.

Finis

If You Choose To Love Me

My heart is looking for a brand new start

So if you choose me don't break my heart

It's healing and looking for love again

So if you want just be my friend

Don't make promises you can't keep

Because my scars go very deep

Let me laugh and let me smile

I will be happy for a little while

I will always listen to what you say

And hold it in my heart for another day

Material things mean nothing you see

Friendship and love are more important to me

So if you promise to love me and be my friend

I will be there for you again and again

CAROLE

(Gincoco)

A/N: The minute I read this I thought of Spike. It took me forever to figure out how to use it. I wanted to give everyone a chance to see the entire poem. There could be an epilogue if anyone wants it. If there are any little plot bunnies anyone wants me to try out, give me a shout. Until then, Happy Holidays. Love to you all!


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